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BR: Mommy Guilt/ Vent/ BF Related
I think I am writing this more to get my own thoughts straight, but if you have any thoughts please share!
I EBF Charlie for 8.5 months. We had enough freezer stash to last him through 9 mos. My goal with him had been 6 months--- so I crushed it. I never had any issues at all BF. No clogged ducts, no blisters, nothing that would make it hard.
With Baby Miles I set the same initial 6 month goal. He is 2.5 months old and I have pretty much decided that I am done, but I can't stop crying about. Miles has always had a weak latch and my supply has never been as good as it was with Charlie. I find that I have to work for it. And with a 20 month old I just can't bring myself to do the extra work. I have also been dealing with milk blisters and I had a bout of thrush. I am torn up over wanting to throw in the towel so soon.
On one hand I feel like I shouldn't give up because it isn't THAT bad. If I could up my pumping sessions I could make it work.
But then on the other hand, I just feel so tired of it. The bottles and pump parts take us almost an hour each night to clean, sanitize and prepare for the next day. Then the time that I am pumping at work is at a premium. I am WAY busier here than I have ever been before. Nursing Miles in the evenings is super tough with Charlie bopping around. I have to break the latch multiple times to get Charlie out of trouble or help him with something. DH works until 8 every night so I am on my own with the boys. I have been able to keep up with pumping until a few days ago when my supply tanked (I think it is probably from dieting--- but I don't really want to carry around the extra weight anymore).
Starting yesterday Miles got all bottles that are half and half. I have about 70oz in the freezer, but I wanted to try and see how he would react to the formula.
To those of you who had to make an early decision to stop--- how did you feel about it? Was it an easy decision? Should the fact that I am feeling upset about it mean I should just try and stick it out?
To add to the mix- next weekend I will be in Orlando away from the boys for 5 days. Pumping will be super hard since I will be in meetings and on the trade show floor almost every day. It will also be almost impossible to bring back any milk with me.
Agh. I wish I didn't feel so bad about this. 
Re: BR: Mommy Guilt/ Vent/ BF Related
I think you need to make decisions based on each individual child and each individual situation. I guess I "get" that some people feel you have to do the same things to make it "fair". But, I guess I don't see feeding as falling into that category? I mean, you do what's best for you and your family.
To put it differently - if you had your oldest in an elite expensive boarding school and then when #2 came around, you had to move them to Public School for lots of reasons would you feel it wasn't "fair". Maybe - but you do what you have to do for your family.
I am not saying that Public School = Formula, I'm just saying if it worked before, that's great. If it's not working now, for whatever reason (and it sounds like there are a few) I think you are free to decide what you want to do now. For Miles. Regardless of what you did with Charlie.
Good luck deciding
I had to give up at 2 1/2 weeks. I had no supply and Elle was losing weight, my husband was freaking out, supplemementing was very hard to keep up with--nurse, supplement, pump and then repeat every 2 hours. I had to do it for my own sanity and for my family. I can't imagine being in that same situation with a toddler. Happy momma=happy and healthy baby. I do sometimes still feel the guilt and judgement but that seems to come with every decision.
Hugs
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I was in the exact same position with Lily (only I didn't make it nearly as long as you have with Miles). I EBFed Mads for just over 8 months and it went absolutely smoothly.... no latch issues, no supply issues, nothing. I hated pumping, but was able to avoid it for the most part since I was home with her for the year. Because my experience was so good with her, I naively assumed it would be just as great this time around... not so much.
I lasted only a week with Lily.... she had latch issues, and wasn't getting enough with each feeding, so she wanted to nurse all the time (for about an hour each feeding)- DH & I weren't sleeping, Mads was never getting any alone time with me, and basically the week was horrible. Knowing how miserable everyone in our house was, and also knowing I'd be going back to work & having to pump (with a crazy schedule that would complicate things even further), formula started to seem like a much more realistic option for us. Making the decision was the hardest part... I agonized over it & cried a ton & felt incredibly guilty that I'd nursed Mads no problem & might not do the same for Lily. But honestly, once the decision was made & we'd switched over & she was fine, my biggest feeling was a huge sense of relief. Lily's eating well & is satisfied after her feedings, everyone is sleeping better, Mads gets more one-on-one time with me (especially since anyone else can feed Lily, including visitors).
Long story short, it was absolutely the best decision for our entire family. I think things are even harder the second time around, with a toddler thrown into the mix.... one more person to take into consideration. I still feel a little guilty from time to time, but I know that things will never always be completely equal between the two girls, there will always be something, it's the nature of how the world works. As long as everyone's happy & healthy, that's the most important thing.
Whether FF or BF, you need to do what's best for you & your family. Thinking of you while you figure out what that is......
Aspen Marley ~ 12.22.11
My Blog of Randomness - Pocketful of Roses
Thanks everyone. It is good to hear that others have felt the same guilt.
I feel like my DH isn't being very helpful either. I know that he means well, but all he keeps saying is "It's your decision to make" or "You have to make the choice". When all I really want him to say is "I want you to quit too". Since he hasn't said that I feel like he wants me to keep on going.
Cut the Crap - Weight loss journey of a Few Fat Chicks
We had the same exact issue..... I wanted to hear the exact same thing but was afraid he wasn't on board since he kept leaving it in my hands. Eventually I told him that I wanted to quit but was afraid that I wouldn't have his support & that I knew I'd need it to be okay with the decision. It was only then that he finally admitted he thought my quitting was best for the family & would result in a happier me & therefore a happier family too). Maybe something along these lines would work for you guys too? (if you do decide to stop)