Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Cheating...
Hey everyone... I really need to just vent this all out and any advice you might have to clear my clouded mind will help 
My DH and I were married March 2nd. I left a month after for a work trip overseas where i was away for 6 months... I found out when I got back that he had cheated on me in May twice... and I had cheated on him as well... When I returned home..I told him right away what I had done because I felt so guilty about the whole situation and of course he called me a bunch of names and left. Leaving me explaining the situation to my mom which didnt help any. I then found out...he cheated on me twice, with two different girls while I was away. I was more hurt about the way he reacted to me cheating then him actually cheating because I had done wrong myself. We decided we wanted to try to work it out and we aired everything out on the table ( I also found out he cheated on me when we were dating). I had told him I didnt want to talk about the situations and in order for me to move on it had to be as if it never happened. I travel a lot for my job, and I would never want to hurt my husband again and I believe he'd never hurt me again. But he's become super controlling on what and where I can do/go and what i can/cannot wear...and I understood it at first but now its driving me nuts. I dont think I can do this any longer... but I really dont wat to get divorced... it would be my second divorce before i hit the age of 26... not to mention my dad was the man who married us and i know it would break his heart. I am just at a loss for what to do...I'm not happy.. I hate that my DH keeps bringing up the situations after I asked him not to, and its always geared at me when he cheated too.. I just dont know what to do... (My first husband was physically abusive which is why i was divorced the first time)
My DH and I were married March 2nd. I left a month after for a work trip overseas where i was away for 6 months... I found out when I got back that he had cheated on me in May twice... and I had cheated on him as well... When I returned home..I told him right away what I had done because I felt so guilty about the whole situation and of course he called me a bunch of names and left. Leaving me explaining the situation to my mom which didnt help any. I then found out...he cheated on me twice, with two different girls while I was away. I was more hurt about the way he reacted to me cheating then him actually cheating because I had done wrong myself. We decided we wanted to try to work it out and we aired everything out on the table ( I also found out he cheated on me when we were dating). I had told him I didnt want to talk about the situations and in order for me to move on it had to be as if it never happened. I travel a lot for my job, and I would never want to hurt my husband again and I believe he'd never hurt me again. But he's become super controlling on what and where I can do/go and what i can/cannot wear...and I understood it at first but now its driving me nuts. I dont think I can do this any longer... but I really dont wat to get divorced... it would be my second divorce before i hit the age of 26... not to mention my dad was the man who married us and i know it would break his heart. I am just at a loss for what to do...I'm not happy.. I hate that my DH keeps bringing up the situations after I asked him not to, and its always geared at me when he cheated too.. I just dont know what to do... (My first husband was physically abusive which is why i was divorced the first time)
Re: Cheating...
To me, this is plenty of reason to get a divorce:
To add, staying married just because you don't want to get divorced is a terrible reason to stay married. If I were you I'd just cool it except for extremely casual dating while you're still traveling.
Cut your losses and get out. Being divorced twice before 26 isn't something to be ashamed of IF you take it as a learning experience. Realize that you haven't been making good choices in men, and figure out why. I recommend contacting first a lawyer and second a therapist.
You need to get your head on straight. There's no trust in your marriage and you're not happy. Why would you want to save this? You don't get a gold star for staying with him, you just get 50 or 60 more years of this behavior.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Get a divorce.
Stop getting married
Get therapy.
Wow. You are both cheating on each other? Sounds like you're MFEO.
Seriously though, if he's controlling what you can do and what you can wear, you need to get out.
Get some help to find out why you keep choosing abusers.
You got married in March and you both cheated on each other in May? That's as far as I read.
Why did you not get an annulment in May? If you couldn't respect each other to make it 2 months, why do you think this has a chance of lasting 2 years, let alone a lifetime? I don't get it. I just don't.
Seriously.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
this 1000xs
you are both a mess and certainly not ready to get married (again)
If you can't go a couple months without cheating- why do you want to be married? I'm really not trying to be snarky here. Why not stay single and casually date? It does not sound like this marriage can be fixed. It is already based on mistrust. Don't stay married if you aren't happy. But when you do get out of this mess, I would really recommend some counseling to figure out why you pick the kind of men that you do. And truly, it does not sound like you're ready to commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life- if that is the case, don't! Be single or date casually until you are ready. There is no shame in not tying the knot if you don't want that sort of commitment.
Oh thank you! They are brother/sister from the same litter and are always snuggling. Love them to death.
This.
I'm baffled that you were both cheating so quickly and that your grand plan for fixing these huge problems in your marriage was just to pretend they never happened. You need to learn how to deal with your problems effectively instead of being destructive and sweeping them under the rug.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
You shouldn't be married. First of all, you're too young. You're already in a 2nd failing marriage before most women get married the first time around. You don't need to be married to be a cool person, you know.
Second of all, you also shouldn't be married because you have terrible taste in men. Your first husband was a beater, your second was a cheater. God, that sounds like an awful country song. Regardless, you obviously are attracted to losers, which makes me think you're probably really insecure and just fall into the arms of the closest human being with a penis. Work on that.
You also shouldn't be married because you seem to have no grasp of what it means to be married. You seriously couldn't go a year into marriage without cheating on your husband? He could be the biggest d!ckwad in the world, but you cheated on him. That's your own character flaw, not his. It's fine if you want to be with different men. You're young, you were traveling, etc. It's only douche-y because you were in a relationship with someone else. Try the single life. You can be with whoever you want whenever you want (but, I'd recommend taking a break from the male species in general because of #2 above).
Your marriage isn't fixable. He cheated on you, but obviously he's on his soapbox about being unable to trust you. He's not going to get past it.
I think you should also seek counseling for yourself.
Divorce & personal
Counseling