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Help me be firm but gentle
My friend and I went to a singles thing at a local bar on Saturday night. She ended up exchanging numbers with some guy and they've been texting this week. Well she told me yesterday that they had plans to go out to dinner (last night) and that he had sent her a text that asked why she was so "obsessed with" him. She said that she's been texting him quite a bit (apparently she initiates most of the daily contact i.e. "good morning sunshine" each day). She said she also offered to come pick him up for dinner since she just got a new car. She text him back questioning whether or not they should meet up for dinner as she now felt embarassed.
Anyway, here's the part I need help with. She told me that their dinner plans included her 10 year old daughter. I'm in the camp of "the kids don't need to be involved in dating until it's serious". Anyway, I checked in with her last night (via text) to see what happened and she said that they did have dinner and that he was at her place watching a movie.
I need to talk to her about safety and not involving her daughter but I need to do it gently as this is her first dip into the dating pool after a 4 year, on-again-off-again relationship with a douche bag. So how do I do this without hurting her feelings or ticking her off?? What say you SO?
Re: Help me be firm but gentle
I can't believe your friend still went out with him after he asked why she was so obsessed with him. I think your friend should drop this guy fast!
As far as safety and her daughter, I think you need to give it to her straight. That it's not healthy for her daughter to meet men who she's casually dating and it's very dangerous for her to bring a man back to her house who she barely knows!
I wouldn't worry about being gentle. Tell her that her daughter does not need men revolving in and out of her life especially when the mom barely knows them. Maybe offer to babysit while they go out.
That's the thing, I consider her daughter one of mine and watch her often and am always offering to watch her if she needs time away, etc. I honestly, think she wanted her daughter along so it wouldn't be a "date", if that makes sense.
We're hanging out tonight and I plan to talk to her about this.
Holy Moses!! See, this is the problem with people. They get too excited about meeting someone because they are lonely, needy, treated badly in past, etc. Because of that they lose control of themselves and make bad decisions like your friend.
1. Bringing a 10 yr old daughter on her first date with this guy is way past the point of reckless.
2. Your friend is coming on WAY too strong, but this guy sounds like a total egotistical asshat for texting her about being obsessed with him.
C. This guy really is an asshat for agreeing to go on a date with when her 10 yr odl daughter is present. Are these people adults?
Your friend needs to compose herself, and at the sametime dump this idiot.
I couldn't agree more...if it helps/hurts, she's 39 and I think he's 36.
I agree with JM. Your friend needs therapy and not a man. Honestly, I have a few online dating rules (d*ck pics and good morning text messages disqualify someone from the dating pool). She is very needy. Seriously, who texts someone good morning before they're official? Who risks the safety of their child like that too?
Forget gentle and firm, this woman needs a come to Jesus talk about dating do's and don'ts. On second thought, perhaps point her to an article about online dating safety if you want to be gentle or some resource about dating as a single parent. This is not acceptable behavior.
EVeryone else has already said what I wanted to say.
I just have to add- she sounds desperate too. They met at a singles thing and she starts texting him daily w/ "good morning sunshine"?? I find that realyl odd and no wonder he was weirded out. Even though I side-eye him for saying what he said AND for going out w/ her and her DD.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Poor woman sounds incredibly desperate and insecure.
I have to agree with this...it's sad because she's beautiful, smart and has a lot going for her. She, unfortunately, seems to think poorly of herself and seeks out men that fall into my "trash" category.
I only had a couple of minutes with her (before the kids got home) this afternoon and I told her that I loved her but I was very concerned for her, and her daughter's safety. Explained that it is not at all safe to have her daughter on a date or to invite a stranger to her house. She kind of shrugged it off and said "I guess I don't think about that stuff like you do". I tried to tell her that there are a lot of crazy people in the world and she needs to be very careful, but it appeared to be falling on deaf ears.
I asked if she had his last name because I would look him up on the State site for criminal records. She made some comment about "he came clean about it" but she didn't elaborate and we didn't have time for me to ask anymore questions.
I plan to sit her down this weekend and talk about this again. I think I'll also follow MCC's advice and find some info on online dating safety for her.