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Ugh, I feel so bad
You guys probably don't remember this because it was a while ago, but about a year and a half ago I put up a post venting about my "close friend" who completely wigged out at the wedding of one of my best friend's and ruined everyone's time, because she was upset that her BF of 2 1/2 years hadn't proposed to her yet. And then afterwards when people were talking about it I learned that she had been telling everyone she knows (including all of our friends) that my husband has been in love with her for years and she could have married him if she wanted to. There was a lot of other sh!t that got stirred at the time, but those are the key things.
The fallout was that I sent her a long email explaining why I was cutting her out of my life and neither DH nor I have spoken to her since. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever been through friendship wise. We're still FB friends with her BF (yes, they're still not engaged) and since he is in the same bowling league with DH they chat when they see each other each week and it's been very amicable. The BF even sent both of us a really sweet note when we announced the pregnancy, he's a really good guy.
Here's the thing... last night their apartment building burned down. The girl wasn't home when it happened, but her BF had to escape through a window to a neighboring roof and get rescued by the FD. He was treated at the hospital for smoke inhalation but thank goodness he's okay. So, it could have been a lot worse, but they lost everything they own - the building is literally ashes.
I feel awful, I couldn't sleep last night and I just can't stop thinking about it. I just can't imagine what they're going through. DH and I are trying to figure out what we can do to help, but it's tough because I still haven't forgiven the girl for what she said/did and don't want her to be a part of our lives. I'm very conflicted about it.
I suggested to DH that he drop the BF a note telling him how sorry we are, and maybe offering him some clothes to get him through the next few days since I think they may be around the same shirt size. And maybe we'll get them a Target gift card or something and find someone who can get it to them. There is a fundraiser planned for March 2nd but obviously they'll need to get some things sooner than that.
Anyone have any ideas?
Re: Ugh, I feel so bad
I think giving them any clothing that you can spare is a good idea, as is the gift card. I'm srue their families will be doing EVERYTHING they can to help so even something like this [and not going all out] will be a nice - and appreciated - gesture.
I'm sorry to hear about all of it, and I am glad he was not harmed. I couldn't imagine what they're going through. A girl I grew up with recently had that happen as well. Luckily their family was unharmed as well, and they were able to salvage some things. It definitely leads us to appreciate the things we have in life and not take life for granted.
I think you need to be conscious of the fact that, though something tragic happened to them, it doesn't make you wrong for ending your friendship previously. I don't know if that's what you were getting at but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Offering clothes and gift cards sounds perfect. I think it's smart to have DH offer to the BF rather than yourself - your former friend will know you had something to do with it and that you're not a horribly insensitive preson, but I don't think there is any value in you reaching out to her personally if you still do not want her in your life.
What a sad thing though - I've always been afraid of fires!
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Maintaining boundaries and having compassion and an opportunity to give to those less fortunate are two completely different things. Your heart is in the right place - that's SO awesome of you. That doesn't mean that you and her have to become friends again.
If she asks, tell her that you love her and her BF but you're doing what you can to help and nothing more - that the friendship is still severed but you want to be sure their well-being is intact.
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Yeah, that was the one. I think there were about 10 units in there, so there are many people dispaced today. The couple we know both don't really have any family to help them out but my FB feed is blowing up with people supporting them, since obviously we still have a lot of mutual friends - so that makes me feel better. Plus they owned their condo so they must have insurance on it.
DH and I just cleaned out our closets a couple weeks ago and haven't done anything with the clothes yet, so I think we're going to donate what we can, not just to them but all the victims, although I would like to see if we can get someone to pass on a gift card or something specifically to the couple we know.
I think this is exactly the route I would recommend going.
Agreed. I think this is totally the way to go. Its nice and helpful but going through the husband/boyfriend connection will keep the boundary that you built with her.
I agree, this is a great idea
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How terrible for that to happen to anyone - I totally understand your hurt for them, past notwithstanding. I agree that a gift card to Target, Walmart or a like place would likely be very welcomed.
A co-worker's house burned down last year, and she mentioned that the gift cards were priceless, because they needed to replace so much. Not saying you guys have to become close friends again - some waters are too high to cross back over. But this is definitely one of those situations where you can't lose by taking the high road. Sounds like you're already on that path.