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If He's Really Interested He Will...
So I do hear a lot of this on the board in regards to if men are interested in you, then they will contact you, ask you out, pursue you, etc. While I generally agree with this, I have to think this isn't the case in all situations right? Not all men are going to be aggressive and they in turn might be thinking you just aren't into them. Right? Of course this doesn't apply to the guys who dance around making plans or just don't text back etc., I'm thinking more of the post a few below where everyone suggest the poster not ask the guy to happy hour.
I bring this up because my friends and actually also my therapist have indicated that I might be coming off as "too cold" and uninterested in men that I actually do have a strong interest in. But because I have it so ingrained in me that men absolutely need to do the pursuing, I'm wondering if I'm missing something here.
Re: If He's Really Interested He Will...
I have a male friend who said he won't "chase" a woman and so if she doesn't respond or initiate some contact (i.e. he's always the one calling or texting), he will stop doing so.
That being said, I have been trying to not be the one to email or text first because I do believe that most men will contact you if they're interested.
I totally agree with this. But I think after that initial contact has been made, the rules can be a looser about who maybe does the first "ask" or initiates contact further. I also think for me at least, being a little bit more up front that I'm interested would help. For example, instead of "we should get together something." saying "I really enjoyed meeting you and I'd like to hang out again." Not necessarily those exact words.
I'm really working on being more "approachable." Because apparently I am not. Although I'm not really sure how to go about that. Ha!
I was the aggressive one when I met FI. He seemed interested, but he didn't call me. He continued to show up at our apartment gym though when he knew I would be there and we would chat and one night I finally said, "Let's go out."
I wasn't after him all the time though or sending texts. We just continued to meet accidentally "on purpose" at the gym.
I said to ask him!!!
To paraphrase my post in that thread, I don't think there's anything wrong with initiating appropriate contact. It's never attractive when someone throws him or herself at another person, but I don't see anything the matter with making the first move, so to speak. I mean, if you like someone, you might as well go for it. I'm of the mindset that I'd rather regret having tried something than always wonder what it would have been like. And in a circumstance like that, what's the harm? Provided you aren't a crazy stalker or someone socially clueless who can't take a hint, what's the worst that can happen? You invite someone somewhere. That person either says no or yes. If it's a no, sure it stings a bit. But the fact of the matter is, you don't really know that person, so it doesn't really matter and there's no reason to get all butt-hurt.
I honestly think that books like that hideous "The Rules" (remember that??) and similar dating ideologies are really damaging. I refuse to wait around for someone to woo me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to wait a prescribed number of days before returning a call or text. It's crazy. If we were all more honest about what we wanted, dating would be much simpler. The games that men and women play are a hindrance, and most of them subscribe to old-school gender roles. I find it offensive.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
I agree with this. The worst that happens is you get regected but at least you can know sooner rather than later that it's not a good match.
Me too, sounds your male friend has his *** together. I have no problem contacting the woman first, but if after that point she doesnt respond/seems disinterested I will let it go without giving it another thought.
Ha, he's actually my FWB. He's a great guy just more my type to bone rather than date.
The thought of you with another man is really starting to chap my hide Mint!!!
I think that if they are interested they will at least contact you, some guys need a little help actually getting to the asking out part. If a guy calls me and I want to see him/ see him again I'll suggest it but I won't be the one to just call him and ask him out. I think it's okay to meet them halfway.
Aww, JM's gettin' jealous! Definitely don't read my crazy dating stories on my blog then