Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
eHarmony anyone?
My match membership expired and I decided to ditch the trainwreck that is POF (at least its a trainwreck in my area!).. so anyway, I signed up for one month of eHarmony on Saturday. Has anyone used it before that I could ask some questions about your experience? There are some things I really like about it but a couple of things kind of bug me.
Re: eHarmony anyone?
lol, oh don't worry the crazies are still calling me! Just got a text message today from a guy that I spoke with on the phone one time and he wanted me to specifically tell him what it was in our conversation that made me realize I didn't want to talk to meet him. Of course I entertain the crazy and tell him, then he sends me 6 text messages further explaining the issue I mentioned and trying to convince me to reconsider.
We're kind of going out.
That's my biggest thing, that the "guided communication" just seems like a waste of time. If these people are already such a great match based on the gazzillion questions they ask, why not cut to the chase? I actually like some of the matches but it seems like they take forever to reply. I'm just so used to on POF getting responses within hours...I sent I think 4 messages, 2 I heard back fairly quickly the first time but now I've been waiting like a day and a half to hear back from them a second time. And the other 2 I haven't heard anything. Obviously they could just not be interested but I just figured the response rate to messages would be higher than other sites since you are supposed to be such a "good match". Is it normal to wait so long for responses?
That's awesome and very encouraging! Did you find that you communicated with a lot fewer guys than other sites but it was more "quality over quantity"? (I don't know if you were on other sites...) and also did you find it took a long time to receive responses?
I think a lot of it is that their paid accounts may have expired, they still show up but they don't really have access to the account anymore. There's one guy that I am sort of interested in, I know his account has expired but it still looks like he's on there. So definitely check and see how recently they've been active.
I wasn't on Match very long but I really hated it. I got so many "come on" type messages and emails that made it seem very meat market-like.
eHarmony did seem like quality over quantity to me, although I had a good number of responses there as well. But I liked the guided communication because I felt like guys who were willing to go through that would be more interested in me as a person rather than just a potential hookup.
I say give it a try.
We're kind of going out.
I had similar experiences, and the guy I ended up getting into a relationship with from EH turned out to be batshite crazy, but hid it very well via email/eHarmony mail/living 2 hrs apart. It took a few months for the crazy to emerge. That can happen regardless of where you meet someone, of course, but he so grossly misrepresented himself that it put me off of online dating for good.
If you have questions or whatnot feel free to page/PM me. The site itself isn't all bad but it's very expensive and if you live in an area with an already limited dating pool, like I do, it's ... eh. Not worth the $$ IMO!
Did you find that people took a long time to respond? I'm used to people replying within hours not days (yes, patience is not my strong suit!) There's one guy in the little suburb that I live in that seems perfect for me and he replied to the my first round of the 5 multiple choice questions, then I replied to his but now I haven't heard back since yesterday morning. Is that normal?
I totally do, and I'm not used to it because I used to live in a major metro area and last year move to the suburb of a much smaller city. I feel like I've already dated every single guy here! LOL
I did it and actally found it to work well for me. The reason I'd thought to try it is because my cousin met his FI on eH.
Everyone is different, so do what works for you. GL!
I did eHarm for a few months at the encouraging of my family/coworkers.
I really didn't care for it. I felt like previous posters where they kept matching me with people who I was NOT attracted to or had nothing to say in their profile. I found the layout of the profile page lame, too. I don't feel that you get a chance to "express" who you are with such a limited space/questions. all the answers tended to sound the same over time, IMO. What's funny is that my coworker who was on it at the same time kept getting matched with guys that I was matched with, though we are into 2 different types of people (she's also 4 years younger). I'm wondering if their "magical matching" is really a bunch of BS after that.
While I met a few guys that I "clicked" well with over email, those dates ending up fizzling out because ultimatley we didn't really mesh well together or wanted different things. I'd say that all but one of the guys I had met didn't seem to be looking for anything serious.
I've gone on 2 dates with guys I met on Match. While I know one didn't turn into a 2nd date and I have doubts about the other, I actually felt like I liked them more going in and they were more genuine than the guys I met on eHarm.
My date tomorrow nigth is someone I met on OKC...we were "matched" really high, so I'm totally curious to see if we actually hit it off or not. At this point, I've pretty much given up all hope, so we'll see.
I'm now turning my dating life into a social experiment, apparently!
I think it depends on your age and what area you live in. I met my bf on eharmony. We have been together for almost a year and a half, moved in together last month and plan on getting married at some point in the not so distant future. So, I would recommend it.
I had a horrid experience on match. I didn't like the guys I met in my area at all.
We're kind of going out.
I was thinking that too... especially with it being a holiday weekend too.
It's funny that you post this because I just signed up for eHarmony a couple of days ago. I think the site is a little hard to get used to and I do find the millions of rounds of communication a little annoying, but I think it's with the best intentions. I used to be on OkCupid and after meeting a gazillion douche bags through that site, I decided to try something where the is a little more investment.
The first few matches that the site sent me were for men that I didn't necessarily find super attractive right off the bat, but as I read more of their profiles, I found myself being attracted to them more for their accomplishments and shared interests. Don't get me wrong, I'm super shallow and want a hot boyfriend, but I think that eHarmony is training me to look at the more important things in life.
I guess the bottom line is that I am trying hard to be more focused on the things that matter and I think that eHarmony is a good site for helping with that.
See, I was hoping for this through eHarm. No, looks aren't everything, I totally agree. BUT...I do think there has to be some attraction there. I wasn't finding alot of that at all with eHarm and at least through other sites, I can sort of pick what I want, vs. what eHarmony tells me I want. Also you might be cute, but if you have a lame profile on Match or eHarmony or OKC or anywhere else, I don't want to talk to you!
I honestly didn't mind the "guided communication" as it give you a chance to hear how they respond to certain things before you decide you want to email/actually see them in person. I was actually fine with this part of eharm....but I still didn't care for the rest of the site.
I agree that there are a ton of d-bags on OKC...but there are a few that you can weed. Quite a few that I've seen on either eharm or match as well, which is funny. I learn more about a person through OKC questions than any other site, which is interesting to me.
OMG OKC was a huge disaster for me!
Yea, I'm trying to get better at the shallow thing too... maybe I should go back and look at some of the guys that I didn't message b/c they weren't good looking...
Oh, I have another question to see if I am even doing it right... maybe it's my turn to contact this guy?
I sent him the 5 mult choice questions, he answered, send 5 back, I answered. What happens next? Is he supposed to do something or am I? It says on my home page "reply now" next to his message but we I look under "communicating" on "my matches" it says I am waiting for him. huh?
Then you are supposed to send the short answer questions, then he replies and sends you his, then you reply to those, then he sends you his must haves/must nots, and you send yours. Or something like that. NEVER ENDING especially when people take a day or two to answer! Lol.
I feel like people don't say much in their actual profiles so basically up until you are sending REAL messages I feel like I don't really have a good idea of who this person is, so I dunno, it's kinda lame.
I thought about this more last night, and I think what happened for me was this.
It's really easy to SAY that XYZ is important to you when you're filling in an online questionnaire. You want to represent yourself honestly but in the best possible light, too. So I was getting matches of people who had either misrepresented themselves by stretching the truth, OR people who I really had a lot in common with but no chemistry.
No amount of compatibility on paper can overcome a lack of romantic attraction, and if I've gone on 2 or 3 dates with a guy and don't want him to try to kiss me, that's not going to change if I keep seeing him - for me it has to be there in *some* form from the get-go.
Also, BK, I think a lot of people sign up but either don't pay or let the account expire, so you're probably getting matches who can't reply because they haven't paid. The "free communication" is somewhat misleading.
My experience with online dating is that most people describe themselves as who/what they WANT to be as opposed to who/what they really are.
As to the timing thing, you need to be more patient. A lot more patient. People have lives, they can't be sitting on the computer holding their breath, waiting to get a message from you so they can reply.
Be careful how much info you put into your profile. I found that the men just parrot back what they think you want to hear. I have met a few friends on e harmony, but I have also met some real losers. Like someone said, you can put anything in writing. It is hard to figure out what is try until you really get to know the person.
Good Luck.