Starting Over
Our Angel baby 6/10/08 @ 6w6d
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
? for those divorced with kids
How was it decided who would be the residential parent? It sounds like H might fight me on that based on the questions he was asking me last night. I explained to him that my address would be their address and that it doesn't have anything to do with visitation. Is that correct?
Were you agreeable upon the start on who would have residency? If you fought over it, what factors were considered when making the final decision? Or was it decided on by the courts?
ETA: edited for spelling
Our Angel baby 6/10/08 @ 6w6d
Re: ? for those divorced with kids
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
Maybe the terms are different by state, but it sounds like you are describing what they call "custodial parent" in my divorce decree. That's the parents who shares a primary address with the child and, in my case, who has the child more of the time.
Initally, ex claimed he wanted custody. Once he backed away and realized that would be a hit to his social life, he heard me out and let me be the custodial parent only if I agreed to 50/50 joint legal custody.
Legal custody and physical custody are different. Legal refers to decisions regarding education, healthcare and religion. Physical refers to the physical presence of the child. So we share legal decisions 50/50, but ds is with ex Wednesdays and every other weekend and with me the rest of the time. As custodial parent, I am listed first on all school forms. My address is used to determine which school ds goes to. If he is sick at school, they call me first. And, for tax purposes, I get to claim him on my taxes. I believe that who has primary physical custody also plays into child support determinations, but ex doesn't pay child support so I am not positive on that.
From what I am understaning it is at whose home the children reside or is their legal address. My attorney said there are 3 types of custody:
I admit I was a little confused about the different types so I could be wrong with what I'm saying above. But that is what my understanding is.
I am the primary residential parent. It was decided early on because STBXH is the one that chose to leave the family. Also, I argued that since DS was 10 months at the time and now 17 months, he was too young to be going back and forth between homes and that stability was critical for him. STBXH has been faithfully visiting him on Tues and Thurs nights and have him every other weekend.
He originally agreed that I would be the residential parent. For all extents and purposes DS uses my address as his legal address. If there's an option I will totally put down X's address too but normally that isn't available. Now we have close to 50/50 custody. I have 4 nights / week, he has 3. I'm still the residential parent per the court paperwork. I think that once he agreed to it he realized it would be an awful fight to get it for no real benefit on his part. Plus, I do all his extracirriculars and stuff so it wouldn't have made sense anyway. Not sure if it matters but X moved 30 minutes away to a neighboring town.
ETA: Part of the reason I'm so intent on staying the residential parent is because when DS starts school I want him to go in my school district, not Xs.
I totally agree with both of these. Which is why I wanted H to understand that it would just be an address. We would still have joint custody with a set schedule for visitation, but will allow for flexibility as well. I'm trying to be as fair as possible as our girls and helping them to adjust is my top priority.
Also, it is proven in the school rankings that the school district I would be living in is LOT better than the one H would be in. My choice ranked 28 out of 287 and H's ranked 185 or so. Even if H stayed in the house we are currently living in, that school district ranked in the 50s or 60s. I'd hope that he would realize that a better school district is more important than pride.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
"Joint/Shared custody with no child support paid to either parent (my attorney said this generally only works when both parents live in the same school district, which wouldn't happen in my case)"
no it doesn't have to be the school district but is SHOULD be close enough to make it work since the time between the homes is equal both homes need to be near to that single school
We're 50/50 and plan to be 5 minutes from my exs house but it's another school district. I'll just drive them to school on my week (or drive to the bus stop), ex can use the school bus on his week.