September 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

I need a hug (longer than I expected, sorry) :(

I know no one's around on the weekend, but I have to work tomorrow anyway and I am feeling really, really down. The full story's in my blog if you want to read that, but the jist of it is that my body absolutely hates me.

I've been battling with weird spotting before my period for a while (like 7-9 days before my period) and have been working with my OB on a plan. Usually (TMI warning) it's brown and clotted-looking, but now it's bright red. Like on Friday we ran errands and I bled through my jeans. This morning I saturated a pantiliner in 20 minutes. It can't be my period because it's not due for over a week. I have no idea what's going on, but it's basically ruined my hope of being pregnant before my last due date on the 4th. Now we're going on vacation in May and talking about taking a break from TTC until then, to put me on BCP to try and "reset" my body, which breaks my heart to think about, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

May will mark two years since we started TTC and all we have to show for it is two surgeries, lots of medical bills, two angel babies and broken hearts. I feel like I've failed as a mother, as a wife, as a woman.

I'm calling my OB tomorrow for an appointment to figure out why I'm bleeding so much and hopefully come up with a plan. In the meantime, I feel really lost and sad. :(

Anyway, I just had to get that out there. Any T&Ps for a good plan from my OB next week would be appreciated. I am really struggling with all of this. 

BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
BFP 6/18/11, missed m/c 8/16/11 at 11w2d, D&C 8/17/11, diagnosis: baby girl with Trisomy 21
BFP 5/29/12, healthy baby boy born 2/12/13 at 40w5d :)
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!

Re: I need a hug (longer than I expected, sorry) :(

  • :big giant hugs:

    You are far from a failure in anything! You are amazing and so very strong and I can't imagine facing the things you've been confronted with with half of the strength or grace you've handled them with.

    Go to the doctor and see what he/she suggests and continue to move forward. We're all here for you.

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  • :(  Sorry sweetie.  I can't even imagine how hard this is.  Be sure to give yourself plenty of TLC and know that we are all here for you, thinking about you.

    *hug*

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  • Virtual hugs! You are far from a failure! You are a strong person. Maybe taking a little break wouldn't be a bad thing, for your mind and body. I hope your dr. Appt goes well.
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  • lots of hugs. I can't even imagine what you are feeling or going through but we are here for you!!
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  • I'm so sorry.  :hugs:  I'm here if there's anything I can do.
    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • Meghan, I am so sorry.  I understand all the pain and emotions of a miscarriage, but can only imagine how you are feeling with the addition of everything else.  You are such a strong and amazing person and I know you will make it through everything life throws at you.  Just know that I am here whenever you need me.  If you need to vent, curse out the world or just need somebody to 'listen.'
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  • Sweeite, please cut yourself a little slack. You've been through so much. You are NOT a failure, far from it in fact. You are strong, brave, smart, beautiful, an amazing woman. I still have faith that you will get everything you want in your life and I am always here for you. So BIG HUGS and lots of love. I hope you feel better soon.
  • That makes me so sad that you feel like a failure!  You've done nothing to fail as a woman or a wife and you've certainly not failed as a mother.  You are being a wonderful mother by remembering and loving your angel babies, and you're a strong person being able to talk about it and work on moving forward.  Best of luck at your doctor's appointment, I hope he/she can help you sort things out and get where you want to be.
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  • I agree with Vanessa that I don't think I could handle the things that have been thrown at you with nearly as much strength and grace as you have.  You are an amazing person. To be honest, maybe your body is physically as tired as you are emotionally and mentally and a break might do you all some good. I hope that the doctor can help you. *hugs*
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  • *giant hugs*

    Sweetie, you are far from a failure. You have an amazing amount of strength and courage. I'm sorry that this time is so hard for you and it breaks my heart. Just know that you have an amazing husband by your side that loves you. We are always here for you - even on the weekends.


    Dave and Kathleen - 09.12.09:

    image 

  • ((hugs)) Thanks, ladies. You are all too kind.
    BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
    BFP 6/18/11, missed m/c 8/16/11 at 11w2d, D&C 8/17/11, diagnosis: baby girl with Trisomy 21
    BFP 5/29/12, healthy baby boy born 2/12/13 at 40w5d :)
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
  • I agree with all others.  You are NOT a failure, far from it.  You are a fighter, and a stronger woman than most.  I just wish you didn't have to face so many battles.  I know you were just feeling really optimistic, so it sucks to be back to frustration so quickly.  While a break is probably the last thing you want, maybe you could try looking at it as a break that will actually get you closer to the end result you want sooner.  I hope the doctor can give you some answers.  In the meantime, don't be so hard on yourself.  Even the strongest people deserve some down days, but also focus on taking care of yourself in whatever ways you can.  <<hugs>>

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • {{{HUGS}}} You are definitely NOT a failure ! Please stop thinking that. Are you just working with an OB or have they had you go to any specialists? I will be keeping my fingers crossed that they can determine what is causing the bleeding. Please hang in there and if there is anything I can do, let me know !
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11

    LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
    "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
  • imageMrs. Mo:
    {{{HUGS}}} You are definitely NOT a failure ! Please stop thinking that. Are you just working with an OB or have they had you go to any specialists? I will be keeping my fingers crossed that they can determine what is causing the bleeding. Please hang in there and if there is anything I can do, let me know !

    I had seen a RE in November as part of my repeat loss work-up. I had a SHG and some labs, and they basically said I'm normal and to use OPKs and they would be surprised if I weren't pregnant in 6-8 months. When I started spotting a lot in December I called their office and the nurse asked if I was pregnant. When I said no, she told me to call my OBGYN. Which, in talking to some of the girls on the 3T board, sounds kind of wrong. So I don't know what to do at this point. :-/

    BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
    BFP 6/18/11, missed m/c 8/16/11 at 11w2d, D&C 8/17/11, diagnosis: baby girl with Trisomy 21
    BFP 5/29/12, healthy baby boy born 2/12/13 at 40w5d :)
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
  • imagetdmd09:

    imageMrs. Mo:
    {{{HUGS}}} You are definitely NOT a failure ! Please stop thinking that. Are you just working with an OB or have they had you go to any specialists? I will be keeping my fingers crossed that they can determine what is causing the bleeding. Please hang in there and if there is anything I can do, let me know !

    I had seen a RE in November as part of my repeat loss work-up. I had a SHG and some labs, and they basically said I'm normal and to use OPKs and they would be surprised if I weren't pregnant in 6-8 months. When I started spotting a lot in December I called their office and the nurse asked if I was pregnant. When I said no, she told me to call my OBGYN. Which, in talking to some of the girls on the 3T board, sounds kind of wrong. So I don't know what to do at this point. :-/

    Ya, that definitely doesn't sound right to me either. Once I started with a RE, I didn't see my OB for anything (the RE even did my paps).

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11

    LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
    "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
  • *Big Hugs*

    You are absolutely not a failure! You are a strong, wonderful woman. Do not ever think anything different!

    ExerciseMilestone
  • Everyone has already said this, but you are NOT a failure. You are such a strong woman. Big hugs.
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  • Aw I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You are absolutely not a failure in any way. Your day will come, I just know it! Keep venting here, we're all here to support you. 
    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
    image
    :Blog:
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • *hugs*  =/
    Accidental Smiles
    updated 10.03.12
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