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Akward situation with BFF (dating)
No, I am not dating right now nor am I ready. However, my BFF is and very desperate. She actually chose not to date for 11 years because of a traumatic past but now realize she really does want a family and now age 36. Because of this, she comes on really strong.
After a year of fishing, she was going too settled for someone that was not the right fit for her but turns out that he told her on their dinner date this week that he is waiting for my divorce to finalized and then he will make a move on me. He mentioned something along the line that we both been divorced and we each have a son so he sees a connection there.
This is a major character flaw in my opinion for him telling her this stuff while she makes it clear that she is looking for marriage. This whole thing caught me by surprised because I would never guess in a million years that he was interested in me. He is missing his sensitivity gene that is for sure.
My BFF, I don't know how to help her at this time. As much as she won't admit it and says she is not mad, she got to be pretty hurt. She is an amazing woman, has a strong career, very intelligent, good looking and sassy and got so much going for her. But, she has this "strong protection" wall about her that might be the reasons she does not go deep enough into a connection to pursue a relationship unconsciously.
She does come off as obviously desperate and I think this is turning the guys off. I don?t know what say or do for her. She is my BFF and I will never let a guy get in the way of our friendship and she knows that but she is hurting. What would you do?
Re: Akward situation with BFF (dating)
I don't really understand the question.
I can't believe that guy had the nerve to tell you friend that he's going to try to talk to you when your divorce is final! Why in the world did he tell her that? Are they dating? That is soo strange!
I'm not sure there's anything to do. The guy sounds like a douche, and it seems like you're both happy to write him off.
I'm sorry for your friend; that's a tough spot to be in. It's true -- people can sense desperation, and it's a turn-off. I don't know how you can have that conversation with her, though. Tricky stuff.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
They were sort of starting to date, gone out a few times but BFF was wishy washy since she was desperate and didn't have anyone else in the picture. I guess my question was more geared of what I can do for my BFF so she is in a better mindset for dating. She says she given up on love and thinking of moving to another state to go to law school full time to stay busy all the time because of her fear of being lonely.
That is what I was afraid of. It is so hard watching my BFF in this state of mind.
Gotcha. I don't think there's anything you can really do except keep being there for her as a friend. I hope she gets the confidence she needs soon. Poor thing.:(
Maybe law school won't be such a bad idea? Is this something she's always wanted to do or just something random she's doing to keep busy?
She is busy every single day, social worker with OT, black belt karate instructor, goes to movies and dinner out all the time, she is a planner and planned everyday of our week long Hawaii trip in January. She has so much energy that everyone else drops likes flies before she is even close to running out of energy.
She is still a virgin so that may explain her business for the pent up energy. She already planned a movie night for her 40th birthday party to watch ?The 40 year old Virgin?.
Wow, what a strange thing for him to do! He should have just let her know he wasn't feeling it with her rather than stringing her along and dropping the bomb that he's "waiting" for a chance to date you.
I would recommend your friend reads "Become your own matchmaker" by Patti Stanger. It has helped me tremendously in learning how to date again without seeming desperate.
Thank you! I am going to check into this book for her.