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My Relationship feels like a Business transaction
In the begining everything was great. (Should have been a warning sign) He called me through the day, texted me, showed me normal attention, etc just normal feel good feelings. You wanted to build on the relationship, you wanted it to grow, to go somewhere.
Now jump forward three months .... we made the big step of moving in with each other ... now this is what happens ... come home say hello to each other, if there is any talking it is because I'm the one talking, he sleeps on the sofa and I sleep upstairs in the bed, I let him know every night that I'm just up stairs if he would like to come up. Never shows .... I cook every meal other than Friday night and Saturday night, I clean the house , wash all the clothes and towels. He watches me work and watches tv. Oh by the way I forget to mention that he also has a son that lives with him and he makes a mess like you would not beleive, I have to clean the bathroom every night after him because his mother or someone never trained him correctly to put your pee in the toliet, he pee's everywhere ...
I was in the kitchen one night me and C (his son) he told me the reason I was there was because I was a very good cook and I seem not to mind cleaning, I entained C very well. I have really thought about that , I even brought it up to D ( the dad ) he just said you can't pay any attention to C. that was it no assurance that he cared about me , wanted us to be a family one day ...
I feel I'm paying half of something to be the cook, bottle washer, cleaner of rooms and clothes, and the nanny.
How should I re-address this issue.
Help !!!!
Re: My Relationship feels like a Business transaction
Why are you allowing yourself to clean up after other people messes? I am guessing your bf and his son thinks you enjoy doing it because you are doing it. I think your bf true colors are showing and you are enabling. Put your foot down and going forward, reconsider moving in with someone so soon.
I am a strong believer that if you don't like something, then you change it. You can't change another person but you can change yourself. I think you need to put your foot down to what your boundaries are and take care of yourself.
Did you move in with him after three months? It's not clear from your post, but it appears so from what you said above.
You moved in with a man and his kid after three months?
Come on. This man is getting someone to split his living expenses, care for his kid and do all the housework. You know what to do. You aren't going to make him suddenly wake up and go OMG I am taking advantage of this woman! because he already knows he is.
Can't fool kids and dogs. The kid knows what's going on. And really; so do you. Move on or continue to take it; but don't expect it to change.
You're not married, right?
What you should do is break up with him and move out. Easy peasy!
Oh, and take your time next time! Slow it down.
Courting you is cheaper than a cook and a maid. And now, like a maid or cook, he isn't even sleeping with you.
Unless you are no longer working and he is taking care of all of the bills, you aren't even the maid, you are a slave -- doing these chores for free.
Walk away. If you are worried about what will happen to his son, realize that you are doing the son a favor by showing him that a woman will not tolerate this kind of behavior and mature adult relationships are not structured like this.
There is nothing to save here. Your boyfriend is showing his true colors. This is the real him. Is this the kind of relationship you would want for the next 40 years? No warmth and affection? No partnership?
Didn't you talk about expectations regarding who would do what before you moved in? I assume you have been through a divorce since you are on the SO board, so if I am incorrect in that, please excuse me. Having been through one marriage, didn't it open your eyes to things that you want/don't want the second time around? I know it did for me. I did all the crap around the house in my first marriage and was the breadwinner. It sucked after a while. So ...
... before I moved in with bf, I told him that we needed to talk about expectations. I just laid it all out and said that I never want to be pulling all the weight financially myself. Sickness or job loss, I'd support us. Or if it made sense for him to be a stay at home dad (which it never will given our career paths), fine. We also talked about who would clean what, who would cook when, etc. We both pick up our own stuff. In fact, my son cleans up after himself and he is 5! Sounds like the kid in this situation needs to learn to clean up after himself ... unless he is much younger which it doesn't sound like he is from the conversation you had with him.
He is treating you like a glorified maid. So not cool.
Yup - to be done simultaneously with dumping him.
MUD
This