Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll: Moms - Re Ex's New Relationships
This is a spin-off of a question Haines asked in another post.
As a mom, do you want to be involved/get to know your Ex's new SO's that will be around your children?
While I can understand why people would say yes, my answer is no. I have no control over who Ex chooses to bring around our DD. Even if I didn't like a future gf of Ex's, there would be absolutely nothing I could do to stop him from bringing her around DD. So, I see no reason to attempt to develop any sort of relationship with any new gf of his. I should also mention that Ex and I do not get along at all. Maybe that has something to do with it?
Re: Poll: Moms - Re Ex's New Relationships
Well I don't have kids... but if I were to get involved with a man who did, I'd understand if their mother would want to at least extend an olive branch. I mean, I'd essentially be a complete stranger that's gonna be around her kids.
Non-parent jumping in here. But I think I would feel similar to the OP. I think the one difference would be if the GF moved-in or was going to be a step-parent. I.e. assuming more of a day-to-day "parenting" type role with my kids. Then I'd want to meet and ensure we're all on the same page. This would probably only apply if there was a pretty equitable share of custody. Every other weekend or something? Then I probably wouldn't bother. I wouldn't avoid it, but wouldn't make a point for it.
I knew someone was going to pick up on what I said, lol!
I can certainly understand not wanting to meet the woman your XH is dating in the beginning stages of the relationship, but after it starts getting serious it seems like you would want to get to know the person a little. I'm not saying we'll ever be friends, but we should be pleasant towards one another.
I've met L's XW once when she came to pick up their DD. I introduced myself, and she did the same, but she wouldn't look me in the eye. It was a little awkward, but I'm not too worried. I just hope things won't be like when we cross paths in the future. DD's confirmation ceremony is coming up in April, so we'll see how that goes.
The second time I met D's wife, she gave me this huge hug like we were best friends and chattered on about how I was the "best photographer" in the world. I could smell the fake a mile away. Then she admitted to facebook stalking me.
Unfortunately, she has my business email and cell phone from my website, so all I can do is block her. It just sucks to see how she tries to manipulate the girls. After I met them for the first time, she asked them if I was prettier than her and if they liked me more than her... WTF?
It's all about control with her and not really the best interests of the girls, it's just a bit frustrating at times.
I will do whatever needs to be done to ensure my child and his child(s) well being are in high priority.
As a mom to ds and one who grew up in a broken home and parents remarried with children, I learned it is absolutely critical that the children feel secure with their parents and family joining a family instead of being thrown into a new family feeling isolated.
My parents didn?t include us in the involvement so we were basically thrown together in a new family with new rules. I lost my identity and I was confused with my new role. I didn't feel like I was a priority and it hurt my self esteem.
I don't want a close relationship with the ex future gf or wife but to know her enough to communicate the right things with the children and understand where they are coming from if they run into a problem. So basically know the future spouses enough to be a team with raising the children in the best way we can.
I love the spirit of this! When I met D, I knew his 3 kids were his number one priority and that's one of the reason's why I care about him. We talked at length that if the kids did not like me, our relationship would not last. He assured me that he would not want me to meet the kids if he didn't think they would like me. So far, things have been going well and D has been great at fostering that dynamic. This latest tirade from his ex-wife just has me concerned that she's putting them in the middle and making me out to be a wretched person. D is actually talking with the girls this evening to do some damage control and see what his ex has actually said to them.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
Exh isn't in DD life at all. He's only allowed limited supervised visitation. So, I honestly couldn't care less who he would be with since neither of them would be a big part of her life. He has only seen her 2 times in the last 2 1/2 years.
He realizes by doing this he is putting them in middle again right? I think he should just tell them that if they ever have any questions about you or your relationship together that they should feel absolutely comfortable asking anything and that it's a welcoming and opening environment.
I'm not quite sure how he's going to handle it, I may have phrased it poorly. I know he's not going to escalate the situation though and he never talks poorly of the ex-wife to the girls.
I did speak with him though and I guess Sydney, his middle child called him to make sure he bought tickets for the three of us to go see The Hunger Games at midnight, so I take it she still likes me
I'm kind of surprised by the answers here. I understand wanting to know who is around your child. However, if you don't like the person, what are you going to do about it? Nothing. There's absolutely nothing you can do. You can't keep your child from his/her dad because you don't like his new SO.
Maybe my feelings will change if/when there is ever a live-in girlfriend or potential stepmom in the picture.
And like PIP said, I'd never bad mouth the new person in front of my DD.
This goes for me as well....
And I hope for this....I hope DS's dad will choose someone who will be a positive influence in his life. That being said, I hope it's not his current gf because I think she is questionable, but that's another story entirely! (And XH has been respectful of my desire to not introduce DS to her yet)