Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What would you do?? (long)
Hi all. I have not posted on this board, but I have been on ttgp over on the bump. This is friend related, and looking for opinions...anyone who has any would be appreciated!
I have had a good friend (I will call her C) for the past 10 years. A bit of background...she has had depression for most of the time I've known her. This has always been the "reason" for anytime she has ditched me for plans, hurt me, or ignored me for months. I understand depression, but it was a contant excuse for her whenever she did anything hurtful.
When I got engaged in 2010, she was sooo excited. Helped plan the wedding, was one f my 2 bridesmaids (small wedding, only 40 people), and planned my bachelorette. 12 days before the wedding, she emailed me to say she had gained weight and cold not fit her bridesmaid dress. She suggested to have another one of our friends step in her place, and she would be a guest instead. Sure enough, wedding day came (aug 2011) and she did no show at all. No call, no text, no emal. Nothing since. Not until today, when she emailed me to catch up. Said she was sorry and felt bad.
I am done with her excuses, but do not want to say anything mean back over email. I also don't want to ignore it. What should I do? What should I say?
Sorry for spelling errors...I am on an uncooperative iPad 
Re: What would you do?? (long)
I would just tell her that you are surprised to hear from her and that you were hurt. If you don't want to include anymore written, either offer to discuss it on the phone, or leave it there.
You're right, email is not the place to express mean feelings. If you don't want to ignore it them set a time to meet for coffee and make it clear in person that she is no friend of yours and your not interested in striking up a friendship again.
But frakly, you don't owe her coffee or a response. You should just drop it.
Something like this happened to me. What I did was be friend-ly over FB, talk if she calls periodically (she lives like 2 hours away in another state so it's not like she's going to ask me to hang out), but just keep her at arms length. I don't hold grudges but I was very hurt by her actions. BUT, my feeling is this- people have their own shiit, especially when it comes to milestone events. No one gets an excuse for shiity behavior so I'd never let the friendship become what it was (she was my closest friend for years) but I'm not going to be an a-hole to her.
We never discussed why she did what she did or why two years or so went by without a word from her. I just let her email and follow-up phone call be a new start to a friend-ly relationship but I wouldn't say we're good friends. When we talked that first time we just caught up on all we'd missed. We didn't open up or dwell on the past. I was long over it.
I didn't just disown her because we have A LOT of mutual friends, like 50 or something, especially on FB and it just takes too much energy to have bad blood.
I really like your response. It is sometimes really hard to do this. especially when feelings are hurt. But in the end, it's absolutely the best possible way to handle a situation like this. IMO.