Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
So in love but so heartborken
I'm at a crossroads. My DH of 6 yrs shows all the love and support for me and our first unborn child, but yet still has a need to search out for other "pleasures". I don't know what I'm doing so wrong or why he can't stop even after I have caught him in the lies several times. This is my 2d marriage and I don't know if I can survive another failure. Advice please!
Re: So in love but so heartborken
Define "pleasures" please. Is he going to the movies or hiring prostitutes? It makes a big difference in the advice you'll receive.
Also, if he's lying to you, it's a huge red flag. Was this baby planned? Was he acting like this prior to the pregnancy? If so, why did you get pregnant before working this out? If not, he could be reacting to the stress of becoming a dad. Honestly a lot of this depends on what he's doing.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
What do you mean by pleasures? Other women? Porn? Masturbation? Key parties? Sitting on balloons?
He's the one that should be embarassed, not you. It would be more humiliating to stay with someone who has such little regard for his wife and unborn child.
You being pregnant is a lousy excuse for him to cheat.
I would not tolerate that from my spouse and would not want to subject my child to someone like that.
Well first let's throw the bolded out of the equation. Lots of couples don't have as much sex during pregnancy or after having kids and don't cheat on each other. This is about him.
First thing you need to do is to get an STD test immediately, for your health and the baby's. Even if he says he used condoms or you don't think you've had sex since you caught him, you really don't know how long this has been going on.
Divorce is scary and I can understand your fears but is that really a good reason to stay in a marriage with this man? You've already caught him cheating and he continues to do it. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You aren't the cheater. I promise you that a divorce would be better than spending the rest of your life with a philandering husband or ending up with a life-long STD because of him.
I think you would find survivinginfidelity.com helpful. They have specific groups for women who are pregnant, multiple affairs, etc. You'll find a lot of good information and support there.
But I think it's very telling that you've caught him several times and he still won't stop. It shows a real lack of regard and respect for you and your feelings. It also shows that he's not going to change and that this is how your marriage is going to be unless you do something to stop it - and I'm afraid that is going to mean leaving him to make a better life for you and your child.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
I don't even know why there is even any question as to what you should do?
If this were me, the question would be whether or not I should murder him in a heinous, painful way instead of just divorcing him and taking all of his money.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Wouldn't you be totally embarrassed to stay in a relationship who has such little regard (and respect) for you? I would think people would say- good for mrsjwp, she had the smarts and self respect to get rid of that loser.
What on earth do you have to be embarrassed about? This is all on him. Did your first marriage dissolve for the same reason? Is that why you are so quick to accept the blame?
There is no reason you should live with a man that you cannot trust.
I was going to add my two cents with the additional info, but these girls have it covered. Listen to them. They're right.
Your husband is blameshifting. He doesn't want to think he is the kind of ratbastard who cheats on his pregnant wife, so it must be someone else's fault that his penis fell into another woman/escort/floozy.
And honey, this desire to chat, flirt and hook up with random women - paid or not - didn't just erupt recently. He is likely to always have this problem.
If you can live with a cheater, do so. Some women are ok with it. It is a valid marriage choice. But if you can't, walk away now because reconciling is a very hard road.
Really? You are so in love with a guy who goes around having sex with other women while his pregnant wife is home? You dont have very high standards for love do you?
Please get yourself treated for STD's!!! Especially since you are pregnant!
And get yourself into therapy...a lot of it..."hhe shows all the love and support for me and unborn child"
you need some help.
(i want to call mud on this one) no one can be this stupid/.
Your husband is a Grade-A Jerkface. Fook the embarrassment of a divorce. I would think it would be more embarrassing to be married to a d1ckweed that could give a crap about your feelings. Do a huge solid for your kid and divorce the bum.
Also, get yourself to counseling to figure out how you pick these d1ckholes and work on yourself so that the next time (which should be YEARS from now by the way) you decide to get married you make a good choice.
I like your style.
I agree, I dont understand where the question of what to do comes in? I also dont understand excusing his crap behavior by saying it could be from the reduced nookie since you're pregnant.
I dont care if me and my husband are going through a huge dry spell, the minute he calls a hooker - he's getting a prison style beating. period.
You know what to do. You deserve a better husband than this, and your child deserves a better father.
Please get tested for STD's, and kick this MFer to the curb.