More family drama :( (LONG)

jaime ma famille · February 2012

I know you are probably tired of hearing from me.

I'm really experiencing a lot of depression over the way my family is treating me. I have taken off work, I feel sick, etc. I'm at a total loss for why my Mom and Aunt are launching a war against me.

Here is the exact text of an email my aunt sent to my STBX the other night. My STBX called me right away to tell me about it, and then he forwarded it to me. Thank God my STBX and I are amicable and trying to maintain a friendship for the sake of the children. He thinks both my Aunt and my Mom are crazy. What kind of family turns on their own flesh and blood like this? These are the same people who called the police on my STBX last year for abusing my son. Now, my aunt is labeling ME as an abuser? Who are they to judge me and assume they know everything about the relationship between me and STBX? This is beyond ridiculous at this point.

When I called my aunt to talk to her about it, she said, "You are on a path of self destruction and you have been your whole life." She started listing every infraction - every single time I've ever been in trouble since I was in fifth grade, to prove that I'm on this path of self destruction. Stupid stuff, like getting detention, getting caught shop lifting a stuffed animal when I was 9, etc. Then, she said my Mom has always "gotten me out of scrapes and she's not doing it anymore."

I mentioned that my own mother dated a married man, hacked into my sister-in-law's email and got into legal trouble for it.....isn't that self destructive? But of course, my aunt didn't want to hear about that. Getting detention in 7th grade is self destructive, but dating a married man is OK.

She also said it's "self destructive" for me to be maintaining a relationship with my own father. My parents divorced when I was 16, and my Mom HATES him. She always told everyone that he was verbally abusive to my brother and I, but he wasn't! She just wanted to make him look bad to everyone. However, my brother has had a relationship with my father and that's OKAY....it's just self destructive for me.

She also mentioned something about me dating. I said, "Do you know that STBX has been dating for 6 months now?" She said, "So what?" So....it's self destructive if I'm dating, but if STBX is dating, it's okay? She said it was and she wished him peace and happiness. WTH!

Email:

Hi _____,

I hope you are doing well. I wanted to write and tell you that there are some shocking things that I have learned about Jaime, that I wasn't aware of in the past, that have come to light in the last few weeks. I just want to say I am sorry for thinking that you were the main reason things went sour between you and Jaime. I didn't realize that Jaime was so emotionally and verbally abusive to you during your relationship with her. I didn't realize that she was creating so many unrealistic demands on you as a father and husband. Again, I'm sorry for only seeing one side of the story and not getting a clearer view. I was duped by many things. I also want you to know that I am so glad that you are continuing counseling and living a happier life. I only pray that Jaime can see how self destructive her behavior is to herself and her Mom. Jaime is not allowing her Mom to even come and visit the children at Jaime's house or even allowing them to stay at her Mom's overnight. I am quite at a loss at her behavior. I'm pretty shocked and disspointed in Jaime. I've told her Mom that she has to let Jaime go and let her live her life and let her learn by her mistakes not matter how painful. Her Mom has been too protective of Jaime and has been there way to much in helping her get out of scrapes her entire life. Her Mom is now just realizing this. But none the less, she is hurt beyond words by how Jaime is so emotionally manipulative.

About a month ago, before many things came to light, Jaime very innocently emailed a request to me to write a narrative of my observations of you, and how you acted toward her and the children. I totally regret doing this, especially in light of what has transpired of late. I tried to be objective in my letter, but it does not paint a great picture of you or of all your good qualities, especially now that I see clearly of what you were up against in dealing with Jaime. Again, when I wrote the letter I was not aware of what you were up against with Jaime and then on top of that, your work schedule, lack of sleep and dealing with the kids. I am going to ask Jaime to not ever use this letter against you and if she doesn't listen, I will contact her attorney and tell him that I recant what I said. I'm sorry I ever wrote it.

I am happy that you are in a better place and still going to counseling. I wish you well and hope that you and Jaime can some day have a healed relationship of mutual respect. I will pray for that.

I would also appreciate it if you would please keep this correspondance private. Just between the two of us. Please do not send this to Jaime as you did with her Mom's letter. Jaime sent me an email that had a forward of her Mom's letter that she sent you. I would really appreciate it if you read this and then either deleted it or just stuck it in a private file folder. I'll let you decide.

Take care and give the kids a big hug and kiss for me.

pdx18 · February 2012

Didn't you just post this exact thing a few days ago? Or was that on a different board?

mmw&lmd · February 2012

pdx18:
Didn't you just post this exact thing a few days ago? Or was that on a different board?

I think it was posted on Family Matters, but yes, this is the same issue as a few days ago.

Link to OP: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/63646875.aspx

doglove · February 2012

You need to step away from your family and stop letting them have so much control over you.

Tell your STBX to delete any future emails.

Audg · February 2012

Wow, I don't know any of your story, but your mom and aunt are on planet crazy!! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this - I know how hard it is when your family betrays you, but do your best not to let them get to you. Focus on you and your kids and ignore all the toxic people in your life.. as a matter of fact.. cut them out of your life!!!! If this is how your family treats you.. you're better off without them!!

HeavenlyExcitedBride · February 2012

Just some questions for you to think about that might give you new perspectives.

Why does the opinion of your Aunt matters? Per her letter, she seems to think she has your approval to analyze and make judgment about you, are you giving her that permission?

She also made some threats in the letter as if she already knew you were going to read it.

Honestly, I would cut out anyone who add drama and negatives in your life and just stick with those who are warm to you.

It is a fact of life that there will always be haters and lovers in this world. I wouldn't take any of the haters personally and just ignore them and not engage with them.

Karma1969 · February 2012

You need to quit worrying about what your crazy family thinks of you. They are toxic. Cut off all communication with then and don't look back. Create a new support system for your self. They are psycho, but you are letting them make you crazy and that will reflect badly on you.

DaringMiss · February 2012

Same sh!t, different board.

You aren't going to get a different answer here. There is no magic incantation that you can mutter that will transform them into loving, caring, SANE family members. Give that fantasy up.

Don't talk to them, don't text them, don't email them. Disengage.

More family drama :( (LONG)

Re: More family drama :( (LONG)

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