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Moving "Home"
Remember that one time I was all, "I can't talk about where I'm going yet because I haven't come to grips with it yet" ? Well. That's because we're moving "home." As in, both of our families will be within a one-hour radius of M's new base. Mixed feelings, my friends.
It's a whole lot of good and bad news all wrapped into one. Good because it will be awesome to get to be there for my family! Bad because the only time M and I ever really argue is when his family is involved. Good because we'll save so much leave! Bad because we'll have to use leave to do things we do all the time like see the ocean. Good because Utah actually has a lot of awesome things to do! Bad because we've pretty much done them all before. Good because it's a great place to live! Bad because, well, we've already lived there.
So, basically, we're going to a great base in a great place with great people. And while I'm sure it will be lovely and am mostly happy about the news, I can't help but feel a little bummed by it all. (Plus terrified about potential future IL situations.)
Anyone "moved home" before?
Re: Moving "Home"
The babysitters thing is a definite plus!
But I'm with you two on the whole distance thing. (The being over SoCal thing... not so much haha.) Boston was our first choice, and I'd love to be anywhere on the East Coast. Germany would be a dream. The South is lovely. California rocks. And yet, we're going... home. You know? It's so weird to even picture.
And of course M is thrilled because he hasn't been in Utah for more than two weeks at a time in a decade, and he's always felt so left out of things with his brothers, etc. So I don't want to rain on his parade or anything and am therefore trying really hard to get excited about something that's a total nonadventure. Unless, of course, you call IL drama an adventure. Anyway, so thank goodness for MN where I can actually be fully honest about these things.
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Oh, and Stan, on the whole "as long as it's not permanent" thing? When we told M's parents, they were all, "Hey! And then your commitment will be up while you're here so you can stay here forever!!!" And I wanted to die just thinking of it.
Utah is great. Utah is great. Utah is great. Utah is great...
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We've already talked about how we'll need to establish boundaries. And he's gotten much, much better about handling things with them. But it is his family and he wants to think the best of them and ugh. They're good people but not good ILs, if that makes sense.
Also, here's a confession. I don't like the person I am when I'm around his family. I've been burned and judged so many times that I get all reserved as I walk on eggshells and it's just not fun. I'm working on being "normal" around them but it's such... work. And I hate that I'll have to do that so much more often now. It makes me exhausted just thinking about it.
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Yeah, that especially bugged me because it's no secret M wants to make a career of this. But his parents just don't seem to pay attention to anything that's not in line with what they want.
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I realize I only know you on here and FB, but who the heck would have issues with you? You're like the nicest person in the world. I get why my in-laws have issues with me, but I'm a sanctimonious wanker face. ETA: That's not me going fishing, btw.
Haha, Stan ILY. And this is going to sound horribly narcissistic, but I've asked the same question. I really tend to like and get along with everyone, and all through growing up and dating other guys, parents loved me. Except the ones I chose. I think it's because they sort of rule the roost and treat their kids like children (aged 24-39, FTR), and I'm like, "Hey, I'm an adult and can think for myself, thank you very much." My other outlawed SIL thinks it's because we have fashion sense and ambition haha.
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Aw, thanks you two. It really does feel good to talk about it.
I should head off to bed, too, since I promised M I'd get up at 5:45 to do P90X with him tomorrow. I'll pop in during nap time, though
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I say focus on the positive. Moral support! (Babysitting) It may not be as exciting as moving somewhere totally new but the circumstances are so much different for you now than they were before so that makes it new.
I'm sure that you two are strong enough adults to be able to work out any complications that might result from living close to family.
*Happy family dust for your little family*
We are living at "home" now.
When H was making his wishlist, we were very gung-ho about moving home. It just seemed like the natural choice to want to be near family. Wasn't until after he turned it in that we thought about how cool it would be to live somewhere else. I'll agree with your statement- home has lots of awesome things to do but we've done them all before.
I love love love living near my family. They were (and still are) an amazing support group while H was gone. Unsure of how I would have handled being somewhere brand new with H deployed.
Aside from the "we've lived here our whole lives and know everything about this place" thing, the only other downside is my ILs. They are either rude or ignore me completely whenever H is gone but expect us to come over constantly when H is home.
Overall it's nice living here, but I'm not sure we'll pick VA again whenever he's up for orders (in 2015).
67/200
If we ever had to move close to home, I think we'd be feeling the same way. Each of us find our respective parents annoying at times, and I'm sure living super close would just mean someone would always be at our house.
Good luck, just keep thinking of the positives!
We lived with the IL's for the first 3 months of our marriage. It was rough and my IL's rock 90% of the time. I don't have the walking on egg shells with them but I do with someone E basically considers his sister. She doesn't like me and she and I both know it, and no one else does. E doesn't understand why I don't enjoy spending time with them and I don't think he ever will so I just suck it up when he wants to be around them which isn't often anymore. Obviously this won't work for family but still, your a wonderful person Ash, and I only know you through here and your blog.
I think you should look at this as a blessing. As I'm sure you are one, like me and feel that everything happens for a reason. I know from reading your blog that one of your grandfather's is not doing well. Think of this as a time for you to be there for your family and for Jake to have sometime with your grandfather. I know he won't have memories of spending time with him but you will and that will be special for both of you.
Living close to family - both yours and the ILs - can definitely be rough. I am so appreciative of having my own home to retreat to at the end of the day. It has been pretty awesome though having them around especially when it comes to the kiddo. I love that DD gets to know her grandparents better than I ever was, and now with my sister moving home she'll even more cousins around to get to know better and form a better relationship with.
My own mother is the overbearing type so I do understand what you are referring to in regards to your ILs. And quite a few arguements with my DH has been because of her; it's a learning process for all of us to figure out how to navigate this relationship that we each have with each other because of that 3rd person. It's tricky and not a bed of roses at all; but it is doable even when all I want to do is stick my fingers in my ear and "La-la-la-la" her away.
But. I know when the going gets rough, or I'm in a bind or in a pinch, she will bend over backwards to help us out. And that counts for a LOT.
You know I'm always here for you. If you want to talk about the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly etc etc... We have had great conversations about it already. haha I think I was overly selfish to wish and pray so hard that you wouldn't move too far away from me.
I promise to come see you OFTEN! Get a house with a room for me!
ETA: Oh and feel free to plan any spontaneous trip to come see me when the IL's want you guys to do something.
I can only give sympathy to your concerns. Let's just say that even moving to the same continent as family has had its ups and downs and there have been times when we looked at each other and asked "why didn't we extend in England?" :-)
Setting boundaries will be your best option, I imagine.
Thanks so much for your support, all of you! I really appreciate it, and it's nice to hear that I'm not crazy for being a little bummed about an overall good thing.
I love the way you think. That's exactly what I needed to hear.
I'm glad to hear it's "nice" overall, even with the IL drama (I remember your stories from when YH was deployed). It's good knowing that, come 2015 or so, we'll get to start over again somewhere new. Hooray for PCSes not really being "permanent!"
That is the one reason we are considering living on base.
First, you are a saint for living with your ILs as newlyweds. Second, I really am so grateful for the timing of being near family and think in the end it will be a huge blessing -- for the reason you mentioned and a few others as well. I'm about 80% positive, 20% meh on the move today. Thanks for the reminder to do a little better!
This part is going to be fun. I'll get to be a big sister to my little brothers (the youngest is only 5), M and I will get to be aunts and uncles to all the kids on his side, my parents will get to be grandparents, and Jake will get to spend a few years near his extended family--and hopefully remember the tail end of it. Obviously those relationships already exist, but being able to be more active in them will be special.
LL, you make me laugh. In a good way, of course.
There's just not enough of Stan to go around!
Clearly, this is all your fault.
Yes! A few serious talks are definitely in our future.
(Also, longest reply ever, perhaps?)
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Sorry you're in a tough spot, but if it makes you feel better Utah is ranked #4 for the happiest states in the U.S.
http://www.livescience.com/18670-happiest-states-2011-revealed-poll.html