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Lurker here with a vent - my BFF is a mombie
I decided to post this here because you guys seem pretty cool and even though I have a DD I'm happy with my little family as is and don't want any more children.
This sucks...my BFF has become a complete mombie and I miss my fun friend! She just needs to spend every.waking.moment with her DD. I've suggested a number of times that we need to hang out or do a girls day...shopping, wine tasting, lunch..anything! Each and every time there is an excuse, and the last time she actually said to me "well I'm so guilty about putting DD in daycare that I just need to spend all my nights/weekends with her". oook. I'm asking for a couple hours here, nothing insane.
That was the last time I bothered asking, seems like I got an answer loud and clear. For the record, I have a DD too but I also enjoy having a life of my own separate from being a mom. For the past 2! years we've only hung out with the kids. We used to get together often and have so much fun. I just feel like we are on 2 sides of the spectrum as moms, and it sucks. She's all about having another baby (constant baby/getting pregnant talk) while I'm one and done. I haven't even told her that because I'd get the "oh you can't do that to your child! she'll be soooo lonely without a sibling!" BS.
I know it's a lost cause, it just bums me out. Why do some women seem to completely lose their identity when they have a baby?
Re: Lurker here with a vent - my BFF is a mombie
Have you talked to her about this? Have you told her it hurts your feelings and that you miss her as a friend?
I know it's harsh, but sometimes you just have to kind of let go of that friendship. It sucks.
know it's a lost cause, it just bums me out. Why do some women seem to completely lose their identity when they have a baby?
That is the question I wish I didn't ask myself so often! Even some that swear they won't change or become total mombies still do it and it just sucks, even moreso for those of us without kids and stop getting any invites from them even for childs bday parties and such.
Good for you for maintaining a life outside of motherhood and being able to do things without your kid, I couldn't imagine not being able to do that and have a small break here and there. All you can do is hope she sees that she needs it for herself, too, and it's not going to hurt the baby to be alone for a dinner out for one night. If she can't make that effort, then you just have to quit trying to reach out unfortunately and she might come around later.
I haven't talked to her about it. The past few weeks I've thought about bringing it up, she can be kind of sensitive and I tend to shy away from confrontation with her. I kind of stopped reaching out after that last conversation about needing to be with her DD all the time. Maybe I'll bring it up again next time we talk and see what she says.
Sometimes I also wonder if we're just really naturally drifting apart since we have such different outlooks on life.
I love my daughter more than anything, but I would go insane without some "me" time! I'm lucky to have an awesome mom who has taken my DD for days at a time while we've gone away. We've been to Vegas twice since she was born and it was SO nice to recharge and just have time to ourselves.
I would think that if she is a good enough friend she will be open to your feelings about it if you do approach her in a gentle fashion about missing your "old times" or whatever. I know how you feel though, I have definitely drifted from some of my closer gals and it does make me sad that part of that chapter feels like it's ended. Honestly most woman need to have a little girl time for a pedicure, lunch, happy hour, or shopping trip. I am sure if you insist on a day and ask her to really make the effort to line it up, maybe she be more responsive.
Good luck, and welcome to the board, btw! You don't have to lurk, we have other parents that post on here and we are not all kid haters. You are welcome to weigh in and play along as well!