Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Moms...bedtime questions...
Bedtime for Audrey is quite the battle at our house.
We start her night time routine between 7 and 8pm. It's bath, book, and then we rock her to sleep. I nurse her somewhere in between there if/when she's hungry.
She cries loud and hard while she's being rocked to sleep...for a long time! Sometimes she'll cry and cry, then finally settle down (so we then put her in the crib), but then she'll wake up 10 minutes later, crying again. This usually goes on for an hour. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Very rarely does she stay down the first time.
We tried the cry-it-out method a couple of nights about a month ago. It was hell and I really couldn't take it.
I feel like this is not normal! Do all babies scream like this before going to bed?
FWIW, we also spend time in the nursery during the day playing and stuff. I read that you should do that so infants don't only associate their room with bedtime.
I'm at a loss. Our nights need to improve drastically, but I really can't handle the cry-it-out method.
Did you go through this too? How did you make bedtime work for your family?
Help!!
TIA!:)
Re: Moms...bedtime questions...
I don't have much to offer because we let Nathan CIO but I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I've read good things about the No Cry Sleep Solution? Nate has never cried for more than 15-20 mins with me going in after every 5 so idk honestly what I would do if it was longer.
Does she use a pacifier or anything? Do you have white noise?
:Blog:
Unfortunately, I won't be much help with advice. We got super super lucky with Newt and sleeping (knock on wood). As soon as she started STTN, we just looked at when she naturally started to get tired (about 8) and set that as when to start her routine, and she just doesn't put up a fight. We did the CIO method and it worked really well for us, to where if she does wake up at all, usually she soothes herself back to sleep within a few mins. The few times when that doesn't work, we'll bring her into our room to calm down for like 30mins, but then she's insistent on going back to her room. I think, though, what you're going through is much more "normal" than how Newt is.
My sister was having some trouble with my niece, and getting her to sleep. They tried something where they would lay her down, turn off lights, etc. but sit in a rocking chair, first positioned right by the crib. So, she knew one of them was there and could fall asleep, and then once she did, they'd leave the room. Each night they'd move the chair farther from the crib, so eventually they didn't have to do that anymore.
I do find it interesting that you read to play in the nursery so that they don't associate it with just bedtime, because for infants, I think it should be the other way around. You want them to know that being in their room means its nap/bedtime. It seems that if you also play in there, she might actually be getting confused...why do they want me to sleep when we're in the room that I play in? We never played in Newt's room, so when she was in there, when she was in her crib, she knew it was time to sleep. Only just recently have we started going to her room to play, but even still there's not many toys in there yet. Eventually, we'll get more in there, but ya, we just really wanted her to know that that room is a place for calm and rest, and it's worked really well, for us. But, it might be something else to consider trying.
At Audreys age we let Teaghan tell us when bedtime was. This has worked best for us since she was born.
I found that if I tried to get her to go to bed before she was ready she would cry.
We started out with a 11-12 midnight bedtime for the first 1-2 months, then she moved it to 10 around 3-4 months and then she slowly moved it to 9 around 5 and now we are at 730-8. I found following her queues was the best and led to less crying.
Our routine looks like this:
630-7 start winding down, quiet playing or cuddling, maybe reading, low lighting so she knows the end of the day is here.
730-8 get changed and relax, read if we didn't earlier and then into the crib.
sometimes we bathe her if she is really agitated but we usually bathe her in the mornings.
Also I used to rock Teaghan to sleep for naps and needed to stop because she was to dependent on it and wouldn't sleep in her crib only wanted to be in my arms.
Once i started putting her straight to crib and turned on her seahorse and her twilight turtle she slowly started to realize this is where i sleep.
do you use a white noise machine?
Thanks girls.
We use white noise, a paci, and we swaddle her (although recently she likes to be unswaddled more).
We have tried letting Audrey stay up later too, if she doesn't seem tired during her usual bedtime. Sometimes it works better, but overall there's still crying and rocking no matter what.
Sara...did you just put Teaghan in her crib for nap time when she was wide awake? I feel like if I did that for Audrey she would definitely NOT fall asleep! I let her dictate nap times. When she's been up for a couple of hours and starts getting cranky, I give her the paci, rock her and walk her around until she falls asleep.
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
No usually every three hrs or so she starts rubbing her eyes and starts to get cranky so then I know its time for a nap.
What you do is exactly what I used to do with Teaghan to get her to nap.
so I just stated waiting for those signs and then would make sure the room was dark enough, warm enough and would put her in her sleep sack and then put on her twilight turtle and she started to realize after about a week that this was where she napped and not in my arms
They say this so it establishes the bedroom as a nice place to be and not a place only where baby is left alone without mom/dad.
We always ended our bedtime routine in his bedroom. It wasn't just bath straight to crib. We would turn on lullabies, get pjs on, sing songs, read books, 'talk', etc for 10-15 minutes before bedtime. We still have that routine but now I let him play briefly. After bath, he gets the same amount of time to play. He knows when I turn his lullabies on its time to clean up. Then we read a few books, I tuck him in and it's bedtime.
:Blog:
Good tips, thanks! I think I'm going to have to try this soon. I love holding her, of course, but sometimes I just need a break during the day, or I need to do something that requires her not being in my arms! I know she needs to get used to napping somewhere other than my arms, but sometimes I just give in because I don't feel like having her waking up crying in 10 minutes, just to start the cycle over again!
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
Thanks Kelly! That's exactly what I read about the bedroom association...that you don't want baby to know it only as a place that they get "banished to" at bedtime.
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
Is it possible that she's overtired by the time you're trying to get her to bed?
We had that problem with Charlie for a few weeks. He would just cry for a long time before finally going to sleep for the night. There was no comforting him. It took us a while to figure out that he was actually ready to go to sleep 2 hours sooner than what we were trying.
After we realized that 930 was too late for him, I started nursing him at 7 and he's in bed by 730 and STTN. If its bath night we start that at about 615. I nurse him and then change his diaper and get him into his sleep sack, rock him till he's drowsy then put him in his crib. He's completely out within 10 minutes. So basically he set his own bedtime.
I have nothing too much to add, but pretty everything Sara said about baby dictating her bedtime worked the best for us.
Evie has been going to bed earlier and earlier... she's now ready for bed no matter what between 7:45 and 8. So we get pj's on, read a story and nurse. Sometimes we skip the story if she's overly fussy. I let her "decide". I do let her nurse herself to sleep but that's because I gave up trying get her used to falling asleep on her own initially. Most nights she sleeps straight through to 6am and has been doing this since before Christmas... She is able to put herself back to sleep at this point. A few months ago, I feel like when I was trying to "train" her to go to sleep on her own, she wasn't ready... I think if I tried again to just get her to sleep without nursing, I could do it no problem.
I *think* it was in the "No Cry Sleep Solution" I read that once you get nighttime sleep habits established, daytime naps will resolve itself, too. You can't really expect LO to sleep well during the day if their night schedule is wonky. Personally, I defintely notice the difference since Evie has been sleeping better at night. I can put her down more often with no problems for a nap... 3-5 times a week compared to never really being able to put her down.
My Acme Box last update 3/28/11
Thanks again girls:)
Michelle, I don't think she's over tired...she's not usually up for so long that it would lead me to think that, but who knows. I try to rock her to sleep at the first signs of tiredness. BUT, she's a tough cookie to figure out...she's always surprising me!
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
We took the not-so-popular route of Ferberizing Samma, much to my dismay. It sucked, I'm not going to lie, but it worked, and I'm grateful for that, especialy recently when we were weaning her off the pacifier.
It's my understanding that you need to let the baby dictate their sleep schedule... they're too young at this point for a routine, so forcing them to fall asleep at a particular time is only going to cause more harm than good.
Sam used to stay up til 11pm... then it became 6:30-7pm... now it's 8-8:30, and this is without any set bedtime routine on our part. The only thing we've done is get her into her PJs at 7pm, and brush her teeth thereafter, but other than that her cues are what have decided her bedtime.
I have learned, though, that if I put her down before she's ready, it's a battle. And lately that's been anytime before 8pm, so even if it looks like she's ready to crash, we'll stay in the basement watching Sprout until 8pm hits and then at that time we head up to bed.
I'm not going to say bedtime is easy, but these nights if she's going to protest, it's no longer than 5 minutes or so and then she's out.
The one thing I will suggest is DO NOT hold her until she falls asleep -- I know it's comforting, but it's really causing more harm than good because she won't know how to soothe herself if she's constantly comforted in your arms.
And I agree with others -- use the crib as only a place to sleep, not a place for play, and then there won't be any confusion when bedtime rolls around.
It sucks, I know -- I was there and it was a huge point of contention between Chris and I because I HATED having to hear Sam scream and not do anything about it, but it got better, and easier, and now I'm happy to have done it. Just remember it gets better, and this too shall pass. Good luck.
updated 10.03.12
Usually Olive falls asleep while nursing and then I put her in her crib. There have been times for nap that I've put her down, turned on the WN, and gave her a toy to play with. She's fallen asleep shortly after playing.
I hope it gets better Rach!
Thanks again girls.
Not only does getting her to go down take forever, but she is on the sleep schedule of a newborn! She's up 2 to 3 times every night like clockwork. She eats every time too. Which is fine. I want to feed her if she's hungry! But that's another reason I don't want to do CIO.
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view