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Email my AUNT sent STBX. Yes, my AUNT is now involved. (LONG)
Here is the exact text of an email my aunt sent to my STBX the other night. My STBX called me right away to tell me about it, and then he forwarded it to me. Thank God my STBX and I are amicable and trying to maintain a friendship for the sake of the children. He thinks both my Aunt and my Mom are crazy. What kind of family turns on their own flesh and blood like this? These are the same people who called the police on my STBX last year for abusing my son. Now, my aunt is labeling ME as an abuser? Who are they to judge me and assume they know everything about the relationship between me and STBX? This is beyond ridiculous at this point.
When I called my aunt to talk to her about it, she said, "You are on a path of self destruction and you have been your whole life." She started listing every infraction - every single time I've ever been in trouble since I was in fifth grade, to prove that I'm on this path of self destruction. Stupid stuff, like getting detention, getting caught shop lifting a stuffed animal when I was 9, etc. Then, she said my Mom has always "gotten me out of scrapes and she's not doing it anymore."
I mentioned that my own mother dated a married man, hacked into my sister-in-law's email and got into legal trouble for it.....isn't that self destructive? But of course, my aunt didn't want to hear about that. Getting detention in 7th grade is self destructive, but dating a married man is OK.
She also said it's "self destructive" for me to be maintaining a relationship with my own father. My parents divorced when I was 16, and my Mom HATES him. She always told everyone that he was verbally abusive to my brother and I, but he wasn't! She just wanted to make him look bad to everyone. However, my brother has had a relationship with my father and that's OKAY....it's just self destructive for me.
She also mentioned something about me dating. I said, "Do you know that STBX has been dating for 6 months now?" She said, "So what?" So....it's self destructive if I'm dating, but if STBX is dating, it's okay? She said it was and she wished him peace and happiness. WTH!
Email:
Re: Email my AUNT sent STBX. Yes, my AUNT is now involved. (LONG)
Holy crapppppppp! I don't know how I could keep myself from showing her some abuse!
Please cut these crazies out of your life. It's not worth the drama. I might get the side-eye for this, but I wouldn't let my kids see them either. Who knows what kinds of things they would say to your children about you. This whole situation makes me rage for you.
Cut these people out of your life, and do not allow your children to see them. Stop trying to argue with crazy. You can't.
Seriously - now you know what this is all about - the fact that you have a relationship with your dad.
Get therapy.
Completely cut yourself off. I know that you feel like you are missing out on their support, but I gaurantee your life will be better without these toxic people in it.
I would let the Aunt know that you know about her email to the EX - so she knows that he isn't keeping things from you.
And then I wouldn't engage these people anymore - at all. And yes I wouldn't let them see my children either. I know that not everyone agrees with this sort of thing but we had to do this with my inlaws and it was the best decision we have ever made. Our lives are drama free and it is nice to not have to deal with constant crap from family members.
Cut the toxic out - don't email them, don't talk to them, don't have anything to do with them. Decide to do it and stick with that decision. Yes, there will be times during holidays etc.. when you start to feel bad and will want to reach out to them but don't do it. Your mental health is worth more than dealing with a pack of crazies.
Wow. Between that email and your phone call together, I think you have to take a long, hard look at what your aunt thinks of you. Yes, it's so ridiculous that it's easy to dismiss it outright, but she REALLY thinks this and you really have to believe her.
I think your mother and aunt fully expect you to fold under the pressure and run back to them. They want you 'in line' and reporting to them and doing as they say - all for your own good, of course.
I'd take what she is telling you very seriously. Don't take her money and don't involve her in your new life. You have to do this on your own terms and independently. That's going to be very new for you. But you have to do it. You simply can't expect to be treated as an adult from someone who thinks you are unhinged and on a path of self-destruction, and makes lists as proof of it.
Even if she calms down, you know how she really feels - she can't undo this. You must not let your mother or her rule your life. You must build your new life on your own.
ETA: I don't think your STBX is such a great guy for sharing it. It makes him look really, really good - and you really, really bad.
This is all about your dad and you know it. They want to punish him for whatever reason and are using you and your brother as pawns. Now that you won't listen to them, they are upping the ante hoping they can manipulate you into falling in line.
They are illogical, unstable and crazy and you will never ever be able to convince them that they are wrong. Never. The best thing to do is leave them alone and stop all contact. No, not even to defend yourself and set things right. That will never happen.
Wow, sorry, but your mom and aunt are both crazy. As said above, they don't like that you aren't following their rules and they are trying to manipulate you into running back to them and letting them run the show.
Get away from the madness.
Please consult a therapist about all of this. He or she should be able to help you develop a strategy for developing healthy relationships with people in your life. Because right now, this is a mess.
Good luck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Whoa...First of all, I only posted this on two boards. And I only copied it on the SO board because one of the above posters advised me to do so. Secondly, who said I'm not listening to any of you? I know I haven't checked in since posting, but I've completely cut them out of my life, blocked them from social media, etc. My Mom's friend attempted to contact me, and I ignored/blocked her as well. I'm doing everything I can to completely get away from the madness. I'm focusing on my children, I've been in therapy for two months, and hopefully this will pass eventually....
Seriously. She loves drama, apparently.