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So..am I crazy? Long, but need advice.
Honestly...how would you feel?
Back in August my brother and his fiance asked me to be in their wedding. (in JULY) I was THRILLED because 1. I love weddings...2 I haven't been in one besides my own and 3 I don't have a sister so how fun! It was going to be me and her 2 sisters, my little brother and her two brothers as BMs.
DH doesn't have any siblings so we didn't have my brothers stand, but were ushers.
Well, tonight my future sister in law called and said that she was ordering dresses for the girls soon and they got them all picked out. She made some small talk and then told me that she wants me in a different part of the wedding as a reader. I didn't get it at first until she told me she wanted to go shopping for a "special" dress for me to wear....so I was pulled from being a bridesmaid because my brother wants his 5 friends so she has her 2 sisters and 3 of her good friends.
She made a little small talk while I held back the tears and then we hung up.
My brother called later to see if I was okay because I "upset" SIL so much I made HER cry.... he thinks I'm being selfish for not being in the wedding and i am still apart of the wedding, just in a different way without the title of "bridesmaid". He thinks that he had a right to change his mind that's okay.
Am I crazy for getting upset? I'm not MAD...I'm not pissed off...I'm just sad.
Re: So..am I crazy? Long, but need advice.
I'd be hurt too. I always thought family trumped friends but some people see otherwise. They at least should have waited to ask anyone to be in their BP until they knew for sure who they wanted to have.
I'm just curious though. What is it that made his FI so upset to cry? Did the two of you argue?
You are not crazy. It was really rude and hurtful to ask you to be a bridesmaid and then take it away, all for the sake of even sides. I'd be really upset as well. I don't really understand why SHE was crying, unless she realized from your tone of voice that she made a bad decision and felt like crap about it.
I'm sorry. (((HUGS))). Hopefully in a few days they will realize they made a poor decision with a crappy excuse to back it up and actually call to apologize.
Not crazy. That's one of the most offensive things to un-ask someone to be in your wedding party. She should have taken it more seriously before she asked. And, in any event, she should have at least owned up to the fact that she screwed up and was sorry rather than "oh hey isn't it SOO great you get to be a reader and wear a special dress???" That's a cop-out and I would be upset (and mad, for that matter!)
I hope they apologize soon. Are you going to read or did you politely decline?
I completely agree with this. Unfortuantly, I don't think there is much you can do. Just talk with you brother & tell him that your not mad or pissed but just sad b/c you were looking forward to standing with them on their special day. Then gratiously accept the job of reader.
I'm so sorry that this happened but don't let it affect your relationship with your brother. ::HUGS::
I think you have every right to be upset. My SIL wouldnt even let my brother ask me and now none of the girls she had in their wedding want anything to do with her other than her sister. While I agree that all you can do is talk to your brother and let you know how you feel, for me it just wasn't worth it.
But in my opinion, you don't uninvite once you have invited....especially family.
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Ditto everyone else. You have every right to feel sad. It's completely rude to unask after you've been asked and especially not to come right out and say something but bring it up a different way.
Hopefully she comes to realize why you are upset.
((hugs))
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If I was in your brother's fiance's shoes and had just hung up with you, knowing you were upset, I would be upset because I felt guilty. I'm going to bet she showcased her sadness because, in reality, she felt guilty for having to ask you out of the bridesmaid spot. Your brother? He just doesn't understand that and is doing his best to resolve the situation as quickly as possible. Boys can be really dumb about this sort of thing - they'll never get it Barb.
With that being said, I think what you just wrote to us: "I'm not mad...I'm not pissed off...I'm just sad." is exactly what you should state to your brother. Along with a little sidenote that, if they weren't certain they wanted you as a bridesmaid back in August they shouldn't have asked you, because you were really looking forward to being a part of their wedding in that way. And no matter which way he swings it, that is a role that is very special to everyone involved.
And then truth: he did have a right to change his mind. At the end of the day - we have all been there and were forced to make decisions that didn't make everyone else happy on our own wedding days - but it made us happy - and that's what we were all prefacing to each other here on the message board while the planning process took place. Perhaps it's the hindsight in which we see how we could have hurt people, but in truth, it is their day and they deserve (like we did) to have things unfold exactly as they wish.
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Agreed, I would be sad too, you are totally justified. In a way it makes me feel better that his fiance was upset, it shows she does have a heart/is compassionate even if she handled this in a crappy way.
I would definitely communicate to your brother that you are a little sad but want to support them however you can, and then let it go. You don't want to let this permanently damage your relationship with your brother and soon to be SIL. (Says the girl who nearly 2 years later is still dealing with hard feelings re: my wedding party)
I agree you have the right to be upset! She probably felt guilty and knew it was a very mean thing to do and that is why she is upset. If she wasn't sure, she should not have asked you in the first place! Its like sending someone a Save the Date and then saying oh sorry we have to many, you can't come anymore. Not a cool thing to do.
I would still do the reading and try and be happy/supportive. Hopefully it all works out!
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I have to agree once they asked, taking it back was rude. I think your reaction is completely justified.
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