Starting Over
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Ever had a relationship end with no closure?

OK, this is not about my XH - just to get that straight. I got closure on that and it wasn't too hard.

Anyway - So I dated this guy who was a lifelong friend (through family friends) first. I think he said a lot of things too quick and I probably did too so it was one of those lets get all our feelings out first and then try and "date." So after a slow decrease from hearing from him, things just stopped. I haven't heard from him in a month. I had/have super strong feelings for him and he said he had the same. He was going through a rough patch so I was trying to give him space (even asked if that was what he needed at the time). Still nothing. So I have no closure on this relationship - plus I still care about him as a person at the very least.

Anyone ever not gotten closure on a relationshp? It just really sucks...even if he was like "sorry, the kid thing is too much" that would be fine. But I have nothing, so it makes mentally/emotionally moving on a bit difficult. BTW, he had no idea about my DD's health "scare."

Re: Ever had a relationship end with no closure?

  • Moving too fast generally results in someone putting the brakes on hard. Sounds like that's what happened. I don't think you're going to get much more closure than that; next time don't say every thought that comes to mind right when you think it; keep it to yourself for a while. Oftentimes, intense feelings burn out fast.
    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • No closure with my XH - it would have been really difficult for him to watch me go thru that, so he didn't give me any closure whatsoever.  I still think about it and wonder if I'd want it now, or if it's better to just know that I've moved on. 
  • Well my situation wasn't a relationship, I guess you could say we were dating or hanging out. I sent him a text while on vacation, I never heard back. He sent me a email like 3 months later apologizing for "falling off the face of the earth" and that he didn't expect me to respond. And I never did respond. I didn't get closure as to what made him not contact me for months, but I didn't care to follow up and find out why.

    In your situation, maybe you could sent him a text just saying you are thinking about him and hope all is well. Especially if he was going through a rough patch and needed some space.

  • imageSue_sue:
    Moving too fast generally results in someone putting the brakes on hard. Sounds like that's what happened. I don't think you're going to get much more closure than that; next time don't say every thought that comes to mind right when you think it; keep it to yourself for a while. Oftentimes, intense feelings burn out fast.

    Definatly a lesson I have learned from this experience and one I will take forward. Thanks for your honesty - the burn out thing could have happend on his end, I guess I could see that.

  • imagesilly.goose:
    No closure with my XH - it would have been really difficult for him to watch me go thru that, so he didn't give me any closure whatsoever.  I still think about it and wonder if I'd want it now, or if it's better to just know that I've moved on. 

    Sorry you hear that you really didn't get closure on your marriage, I am glad to know that you have moved on though.

    Also, your sig is awesome!

  • imagesilly.goose:
    No closure with my XH - it would have been really difficult for him to watch me go thru that, so he didn't give me any closure whatsoever.  I still think about it and wonder if I'd want it now, or if it's better to just know that I've moved on. 

    Sorry you hear that you really didn't get closure on your marriage, I am glad to know that you have moved on though.

    Also, your sig is awesome!

  • imagecass+:

    Well my situation wasn't a relationship, I guess you could say we were dating or hanging out. I sent him a text while on vacation, I never heard back. He sent me a email like 3 months later apologizing for "falling off the face of the earth" and that he didn't expect me to respond. And I never did respond. I didn't get closure as to what made him not contact me for months, but I didn't care to follow up and find out why.

    In your situation, maybe you could sent him a text just saying you are thinking about him and hope all is well. Especially if he was going through a rough patch and needed some space.

    Yeah, I just sent him an email Friday just saying - hey what's up? I hope you are well, etc and left only my name as a signature. Nothing back yet - but if I have to close this up myself I can and will. Just a spot more difficult. Plus I don't want any awkwardness with our families as our moms' are old college friends.

  • Ugh, I'm sorry.  I've definitely had situations similar to this, and I agree that it often is after moving WAY too quickly.  Moving too fast is never a good sign.  It generally means someone is rebounding or not ready or it's just not right.  It's a whirlwind and then it's DONE as quickly as it started.

    I had a situation like that about a year ago.  It was way too much way too soon but I was not in the right mind frame to realize it was too much.  I thought it was just wonderful and romantic and natural.  Then he put the brakes on big time and I was left reeling.

    Closure is overrated, IMO.  You just have to know that it was not the right situation and that the right one WILL eventually come along.  Hang in there!  I know it's not easy but there's a reason for it.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imageachase123:

    Ugh, I'm sorry.  I've definitely had situations similar to this, and I agree that it often is after moving WAY too quickly.  Moving too fast is never a good sign.  It generally means someone is rebounding or not ready or it's just not right.  It's a whirlwind and then it's DONE as quickly as it started.

    I had a situation like that about a year ago.  It was way too much way too soon but I was not in the right mind frame to realize it was too much.  I thought it was just wonderful and romantic and natural.  Then he put the brakes on big time and I was left reeling.

    Closure is overrated, IMO.  You just have to know that it was not the right situation and that the right one WILL eventually come along.  Hang in there!  I know it's not easy but there's a reason for it.

    Agreed about closure being overrated. I sometimes try and avoid it, I don't want someone to see me getting all upset and emotional over them by having that closure conversation. Honestly, what he did is pretty rotten even if he's going through a rough time. I wouldn't consider him a friend after that, he's just a coward to not even be able to send an email breaking it off.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic You gotta get spanked by a lot of frogs...
  • Yes, I dated a guy in college who was a few years older.  He wanted to get married and me being 19 told him thats not where I was but maybe in a few years.  He got a job across the state, gave me the impression that we were going to try long distance for awhile but once he moved I never heard from him again.

    It took me years to get over it/him.

    "You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."
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