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Snobby judgey expats
I just went to a lunch with some other expat women who are married to frenchmen. Most of them don't really like being in France and are really judgmental against the French people and customs. But even more surprisingly, they were really kind of horrible about people 'back home'. I figure that if someone wants to graduate high school, get married, and have kids and that makes them happy, that is great! If they never want to leave their little town or their state, and they are happy, still great! One lady's response was that if they don't know any better, can that really be considered happiness? I really wanted to go off on her about how condescending and judgey she sounded.
Have you noticed people being really judgmental about the people who choose not to make travel a priority? Does it bother you? Or do you agree?
Re: Snobby judgey expats
In all fairness, these women didn't move here to hang out with other Americans and not all are American. They moved here to be with their spouses. It isn't the criticizing France that bothers me, because I feel like that is a natural part of adjusting to life abroad. It is the way that their brains adjust to the new culture and process it in comparison to their old cultures and lots of expats go through phases where they hate everything about their host country.
I was mainly surprised that while the one lady obviously would prefer to live in the USA, she was still so plainly critical of the people who chose to stay there. I am more of a 'to each their own' type of gal and don't understand why someone would be so condescending.As long as their choices aren't hurting anyone, it seems mean to belittle someone's life and livelihood because its not what we would do/have done.
I know plenty of Americans here who don't have ANY British friends, and are making zero effort to embrace British culture. Yes, most of them moved here because they are in the military (or military spouses) so they are just sticking with what they know. I mean, I guess I could see being hesitant to get out and explore the local culture if there was a huge culture shock or you didn't speak the language....but in the UK? Makes no sense to me.
I know plenty of Americans here who don't have ANY British friends, and are making zero effort to embrace British culture. Yes, most of them moved here because they are in the military (or military spouses) so they are just sticking with what they know. I mean, I guess I could see being hesitant to get out and explore the local culture if there was a huge culture shock or you didn't speak the language....but in the UK? Makes no sense to me.
Yeah, I have some ex-pat friends who are def a touch superior about travel and people who don't and/or "tourists".
While I understand the frustration of having friends and family back home who are like, if it's not America, it's crap. I certainly don't think everyone who doesn't want to travel is THAT narrow-minded. Plenty of people are just homebodies or want/need in some cases to stay home to help care for older parents, etc.
Also, the I'm a traveler not a tourist thing can get on my nerves. Sure fannypack wearing whiners who b!tch about everything that's different than home (eg slow waitstaff in Italy is a fav) annoy me. However, that's only one, extreme, example of a tourist. When H and I go to a new city, we are, IMO, tourists. Yeah, I admit it, I've ridden hoponhopoff buses. If that gives me less street cred as a "traveler", oh well
! Really though several expats total judge me for that. But it's cool, I judge them for judging 
. Actually, I really don't care.
Those women are too concerned with other people.
I haven't noticed people I know in real life do this. I feel like I've seen it on here before though. The travel judgement stuff. I think it was mostly jetur.
I don't care what other people do. I don't think someone's travel choices are any of my business. If someone wants to stay in their hometown their whole life good for them. I would move back to my hometown (or really close) in a heartbeat. Someday... I'll have to settle for a 6 hour drive for now.
One of my favorite things about living in Leeds was we NEVER saw other Americans.
I like what you wrote. So, yes, I agree with this. There is only so much people can spend their time and money on and for every choice you make, there are obviously other choices you can't make. I like to travel, but that means that I don't have other things that other people value. That's ok with me.
I think travelling didn't do much good to those women in terms of open-mindedness if they ended up criticizing everyone both ways. I think this very attitude towards the change is limiting their very experience of a new life, culture etc, which in itself holds a lot of beauty and uniqueness... Like with all things, a lot depends on one's disposition towards the new.
Some people I know back home live their lives open mindedly and some Italian expats I've crossed paths with here were obnoxiously closed minded (criticized everything from life style to people, laws, habits etc.)... All I can say is that they don't really live abroad, and that's somewhat "sad", for lack of a better word.
I personally was never interested in recreating the familiar italian life style here; in fact, the point of moving was to do the exact opposite.
ETA - Moving and then criticizing isn't all that different from not moving at all, imo.
But the bitching about local customs and infrastructure among expats, that has been everywhere I've lived.
What's to understand? Some people want to be close to their families and have deep, deep emotional roots to the place they were raised. They want their families to enjoy the close bonds of family and hometown. Really, I don't understand how you don't understand that.
We don't have any British friends and it makes me sad... But I work from home, and DH is Mexican, working for a Mexican company here in London. The office is 90% internationals. We would LOVE to hang out with Brits, but it's really hard to meet people if you don't study or work with them
I chat with girls at the gym, etc. but honestly most of them are French because of our neighborhood... One of my best friends lives here and she's is half British, half Venezuelan - but we went to college together in the States and she's only lived in the UK for five years (and grew up in Venezuela) and we speak Spanglish together.
I have an American girlfriend who works for a British company and I went on a girls night with her last week. There were six of us total, and four were Brits!!! I was so excited - that was my first time in nearly 18 months of living here to spend the evening with "the locals."
Anyway, just wanted to point out that it's not always so easy...
I live in Quebec City, which is really Francophone. There's one American lady who complains non-stop about everything in Quebec and she's been here for at least seven years. Seven years! I stopped complaining around month 3, when I started knowing a bit of French. She compares everything to the US. It's really annoying.
But most of my friends are from my international French school, so they are from around the world. They are some of the sweetest, non-judgemental people ever. We have a lot of fun sharing our cultures.
I absolutely hate "travel snobs," as I call them in my head. I've traveled a little bit and it just makes me realize how many places I have yet to see. I couldn't live in my hometown of Chicago forever, but I don't look down upon the people who want to, either. Before I left the US I knew some people who lived other places, usually through study abroad and were really condescending about it.
I am determined never to be like that, no matter where I go.
I didn't say that I don't understand their REASON for staying in our hometown, nor do I judge people for it, just that I've moved about 6 times in 10 years and can't imagine what MY life would have been like if I had stayed home. It's not a lifestyle that interests me at all, though I'm sure it's right for a lot of other people.
DH and I have to watch this when we're home. A lot of his family in particular are ra-ra Americans who don't understand our choices (or try to understand) at all. I tend to then go into super defensive mode and talk about health care and decent public transportation and holiday time and travelling and then I find myself sounding like a jacka$$. So now I just keep quiet and nod a lot.
Ugh... the 'travelers' versus 'tourists' thing drives me crazy. I love being a tourist - I love hop-on-hop-off buses and silly pictures and I had a blast taking ridiculous pictures in Pisa and I don't apologise for any of it.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I'm the same way. I did try living at home while going to grad school and it drove me mad - the attitudes of the people there and small mindedness that I encountered (outside a few exceptions, including my family) was mindblowing. I was yelled at by people I worked with at the time for not being married by 30, by thinking about leaving the state, for dating outside my race, etc. I'm not wired to stay in small town near family, but my brother is - he's working at the same school that my dad has worked at for over 40 years....small town at its best. And he's very, very happy. I get the drive to be around family and never move, but don't get it at the same time cause it is so not something that I would want ever. (people in my town rarely left the state and some had never gone beyond the local counties).
I think there's always, or often, some kind of back story when there's criticism this overt. I can think of plenty of friends of mine whose life choices aren't what I would have chosen, but it makes me happy to see them happy. However, I get riled up by certain people and it's a lot easier to fall into criticism mode with them simply because they bug me in general or because they've made unpleasant comments/judgments about my own choices. That their choices are different than mine is just incidental. These people could live down the street from me in Paris and still bug the heck out of me.
Isn't this just kind of like new moms bitching about their babies not sleeping through the night or whatever? I feel like there are degrees. There are the people who talk about this with other expats as a way to connect when they don't know what the heck else they have in common, a level I am okay with, and then there are the people who truly feel angsty about everything and are on par with the new moms who honestly don't understand why their 2-month-old "refuses" to STTN.