June 2008 Weddings
trickeytricky
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: POLL: Suicide
When I was 20, a coworker that I considered myself to be pretty close to took her life when she was seven months pregnant. She was 27, married, had a great-paying job, was expecting a baby... none of us knew that she had long-battled depression. She did not seem like the type, not at all. There was some talk after she passed that she maybe had to switch her anti-depressants or stop taking them altogether because of the pregnancy. Obviously, a truly devastating situation for all involved.
Then, a year and a half or so ago, my uncle took his life. He had been having a lot of problems the last several years, including major financial troubles. His entire personality had changed; he was no longer the man we once knew. Still, we never expected him to do what he did. It was a shock. He was 56, and left behind a wife, four grown daughters (two of whom were pregnant), and five young granddaughters. As it turned out, his daughters were carrying his first two grandsons when he passed. *sigh*
It is all just so tremendously painful, even after time gives you distance from it. Because of the circumstances, I will never get over these two deaths. Never.
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My grandfather did, when I was in college. My parents tried to keep the truth from us, but I eventually found out about it. There is so much shame in it for a lot of people, not talking about it seems to be the way it went in our family.
And I have had a former student commit suicide as well, it is devastating watching teenagers deal with it.
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16 read! my read shelf:
Very true, it's tough. People have to remember that mental illness is a sickness, just like cancer or anything else.
I found myself to be very defensive of my friend and my uncle. I mean, in the case of my friend--how messed up in the head do you have to be to take your life, ESPECIALLY when you are pregnant? The answer: VERY MESSED UP. Clearly, no one in their right mind would do that. She was ill. In the days, weeks, and months after, when word continued to spread of her death, I was always feeling like people were judging her. It was tough to deal with on top of everything else.
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I work in mental health so I've dealt professionally with several patients over the years who have killed themselves.
A classmate from high school hung himself after coming back from his 3rd tour in Iraq a few years back.
I've also had several family members take their own lives as mental health issues run rampant on my dad's side of the family. 3 successful suicides: my great uncle (dad's mom's older bro) shot himself, 1 of his sons shot himself & another son ran his motorcycle into a tree @ a very high rate of speed. Another one of her bros has also been in & out of psych hospitals but I don't honestly know if he ever tried to kill himself. My grandma (dad's mom) has been on psych meds/in & out of hospitals for years & 1 of my dad's bros tried to shoot himself but police were able to get the gun away from just in time. His daughter slit her wrists about 3-4 years ago & ended up in the kids psych hospital; she was 16-17 @ the time. So, yeah, lots of suicides or attempts. Sad.
Wow, Heather, that is so sad about the pregnant friend of yours. I mean they are all sad, of course, but at 7 mos she must have been able to feel the baby moving, had seen it on ultrasound and everything. I agree, she must have been SO incredibly sad and sick to make that kind of choice for her baby. And her poor husband!
I have a girlfriend who's mom took her own life a few years ago. We were best friends as kids but had lost touch and recently reconnected via facebook. I was really surprised to hear of her mom but she had been battling depression her entire life. DH also works closely for a non-profit called SMILE which helps grieving families after suicide and aims for suicide prevention in young children. A local lady founded it after losing her son. http://www.smilelifework.org/
Yeah, her entire family was just... ugh. It's still hard to think about.
Needless to say, I don't think it's very common for pregnant women to commit suicide.
They were keeping the sex of the baby a surprise. She was due in mid-June and killed herself in early May, so... she must've been like 32-34 weeks pregnant, now that I'm thinking about it.
I don't know all the details of the situation, just that she shot herself in the head in her parents' garage, and that she was taken via Mercy Flight to the hospital before she was pronounced dead. I also know that she was buried pregnant, so they never attempted to the deliver the baby--it was too late.
Her husband opted to leave the sex of the baby a mystery to him. I guess it would've been more painful for him to know. Her headstone has her name on it, dates, etc., and then at the bottom it says "And Baby Lastname." It's heartbreaking. I used to go there and just cry and cry, so I can't imagine her poor family.
Thankfully, life does go on, though. Her husband ended up meeting someone else and remarrying a few years later, and I'm told they have a couple of kids now.
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Wow, Tiff. I'm sorry you had to go through that, especially so young. What a terrible thing to witness/be a part of.
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It was awful. An it's one of those memories that stays so vivid ya know? It definitely left it's mark.
No kidding. That story is horrible.
My first boyfriend committed suicide. It was after we dated, but its one of those never forget your first love things. We were friends afterward too, so to hear about his death and how it happened was really hard to handle.
My parents' neighbor also committed suicide. When I was a kid, I was always at her house, she would watch me, we got along great. She had a lot of health problem though, and her grown kids were absolute trainwrecks (domestic violence, problems with the law, holding her hostage in her home with a gun, etc) so I think she may have felt she wanted out. I actualy kind of understood that one, even if I didn't like it. It was really sad.
DH's dad commit suicide when DH was 6. DH is still mad at him for it. DH also had a friend hang himself in high school. I have only experienced it through DH, and that is bad enough.
My heart goes out to those of you who experienced it first hand.
I already mentioned this in Lyns's post, but a little over a year ago my cousin's DH hung himself in the shed in their backyard. He had always battled depression but was the sweetest, nicest guy. I think he always had doctors and medication but maybe no one realized just how troubled he really was. One night my cousin and her DH had friends over and I guess they had a lot of fun drinking, etc. Well, sometime during the night my cousin's DH left the house when everyone was sleeping and hung himself in the shed. My cousin found him in the morning. Luckily her friends had stayed over so she wasn't alone when she found him, but no one really knows what happened or why he did it. My thought has always been that the alcohol and meds together contributed, but either way, so terrible.
It affected my entire family and was really hard. My cousin has been incredibly strong and while I know she continues to hurt, she had a great support system and is beginning to have a life again.
A friend of mine from high school lost her husband to suicide about a year and a half ago. Her daughters are young - I think about 3 years and 18 months at the time. It makes me so sad that they will never get to know their dad.
These stories are so sad.
I am also so so sad that what looks like 3 people on this board have thought about it for themselves. If any of you are reading this and the thoughts are current or recent, please reach out. Please seek help. It sounds trite but if you don't feel like you have anyone - talk to any one of us. I am sure anyone here would be more than happy to help.
As far as personally, I had two people kill themselves the same year in HS. A kid I grew up with and then my Mom's BFF's son. I heard about the friend's son while I was at school (he was older and away at College). I ran to a payphone (which, lol...) and called my Mom. I'll never forget her reaction which was that it wasn't true and I shouldn't spread gossip. If only it hadn't been true.
Ditto this.
I know a girl who attempted. She remembers that night and remembers not thinking she was attempting, but then her family showed her the note she left them. She read that note during a suicide awareness event and it was clear how sick she was and didn't realize it.
My mother was bipolar and attempted suicide twice (that I remember) by taking pills. I think I was maybe 8 or 9 the first time and 12 the second. Both times she reached out to people just before taking the pills, so the paramedics came and she was hospitalized. I don't think she really ever intended to kill herself. She was just really ill and was reaching out for...something.
She did pass away when I was 14, but it wasn't suicide, thankfully. The unexpected death of a loved one is difficult enough. I can't imagine how hard it must be to feel like it was preventable...which is how I imagine the families of suicide victims must feel.
I am one of the people who voted "have thought about it"
I believe I have talked about it before when someone posted under WCIB a cry for help. My suicidal thoughts were in early HS when I was bullied and going through some really tough friend issues (or tough at the time). The bullying consumed me and I thought I would never have friends again. I knew that the thoughts were not right and I reached out to my mom. She helped me get into counseling which really helped me through coping and finding new ways to make friends/new activities. It was a really dark time in my life but I'm glad that I was able to grow through the situation.