Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What should I do
My husben wants to watch porn but I won't let him because I feel like I not good enough for him in bed. It upset me that he can get a hard on off porn in two sec but not off of me. He can careless if I wear sexy clothes for him anything I do I cant get him sexshly attracted to me and we only have sex once a week because he say he doesn't like sex all the time what guy doesn't like sex. What do I do?
Re: What should I do
My H watches porn too (we have it on the computer right before/while we are having sex) It does not upset me because I know that he does not watch it because he thinks the women are attractive. Half of the time, he never even actually watches the movie, it is just the sounds the people make that get him turned on.
I would ask your H why watching porn turns him on. If it is because he thinks the women are attractive, I might be hurt as well. If it is like my situation and just listening to the sounds turns him on, depending on the situation I would be ok with it. Also, is he wanting to watch porn instead of having sex or in addition to it?
I'm sorry that this is making you upset. Good luck.
No offense but the only 2 words I managed to decipher was "hard on."
If he is choosing to watch porn instead of having sex with you, that is a problem. However, he might just enjoy the visual. I personally love porn, and it has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with my husband.
You need to talk to him and get to the root of why it bothers you, and whether or not it truly is a problem. Communication is key in having a good sex life.
You sound like you are young. You have a lot of misinformation about men and sex, so let me clarify a few points:
1.) Men are not perpetual aroused. Men don't *always* want to have sex. Men don't spring boners at just the sight of a naked female. Male arousal is complicated and multi-faceted. For men, sex is more than just sensations on their penis. It involves their brains just as much as it does for women.
2.) Humans like to look at porn. Yes, both men and women. Visual representations of sex have been created for thousands of years. Porn isn't the devil.
3.) Just because your husband looks at porn doesn't mean *you* are inadequate.
Your attitude about the porn and the sexual side of your relationship is not sexy. By insisting that you don't want him to watch porn is making you into his mother and let's face it, no one wants to have sex with their mother.
Whining that you don't want him to watch porn, because it makes you feel bad about yourself is not sexy. Confidence is sexy. Owning your own body is sexy. Being sassy in your own skin is sexy.
Does he even like sexy clothes? Some guys don't. Does he find the kind of sexy clothes you are wearing appealing? Have you ever asked? Or did you assume that "every guy likes these kinds of sexy clothes"?
You seriously need to have a happy, positive talk with your husband about sex. Do this outside the bedroom. Try this script "I love having sex with you. I especially love it when we do _________. I find you very desirable and want to have more of that hot sex with you. How can we make that happen?"
He may not feel sexy when he gets home from work. He may not feel turned on if he has had a big dinner. He may be a morning sex guy. Or like quickies in the shower. Or he may have a fantasy that he wants to live out but is afraid to bring up. Listen to his answer.
If he isn't forthcoming, tell him that you want to keep your sex life hot and steamy. Tell him that you would like to try living out some new sexual experiences together and reveal a sexual fantasy that you have. Compliment him on some of the things he does for you in bed.
The pattern you want to have in your sexual conversations is "Communicate and Compliment". NO ONE wants to think they are a bad lover. NO ONE wants to think that they are not satisfying their partner. If you want to have a good sex life with your partner, praise the things he does that you like, non-critically communicate the things you don't like and create a safe place between you where you both feel comfortable sharing your sexual fantasies.
I agree that if he's watching porn instead of having sex with you, that's a definite problem.
However, if it's just that you're uncomfortable with the implications of the porn, I can understand that. Many women are. Maybe you can compromise with him and ask him to limit his porn to "cartoons" instead of live pictures or videos...that kind of addresses the jealously factor.
When I catch my H watching porn in the other room, I just give him a kiss to let him know I want it too and he leads my hand to his penis and uses mine to stroke his until we end up naked in his den having sex.
Maybe he's watching porn because he thinks you don't want to have sex at that point.
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