Husband Lying

iowagrl11 · February 2012

I recently caught my hubby in a huge lie- he quit his job and told me he was fired. The only way I found out was after unemployment was denied. This brought to light quite a few other lies. He tells me to stop being petty and stop asking becuase "he never lied" even though I caught him in it. I dont know what to think. I feel like I am going crazy. Has anyone else been through something like this?

wingedbride · February 2012

Why did he quit his job? I cannot believe someone would quit a job without something else lined up and also not tell you why.

Also, what other lies did this bring to light?

If there is more, he has got some serious issues and I would not be able to trust him. I don't see a point of a marriage without trust.

iowagrl11 · February 2012

From what I have gotten out of it he got fed up and left. He told me that they fired him due to a potential misuse of his Personal Time off. It brought to light both big and small lies. One was that he had "bought a house" before we met and had gotten the 8000 dollar tax credit, however it turns out he was renting and never had the credit. why would you tell someone things like that? other lies are about his past, or just daily happenings. he makes me feel like I am making these things up.He also lied about a bank account for his girls (my step daughters). I also hear him lie to his mom on the phone about things he "says" to his ex. Most of the time I was standing there for the conversation and none of those things were said on his end.

katie.i.do · February 2012

he sounds like a moron.

pdxmouse · February 2012

Yeah, you can't fix a compulsive liar. Either grow to like never knowing what the truth is or get the eff out.

My vote is get the eff out.

wingedbride · February 2012

You've got a real serious problem here. Not only is he a liar, but it sounds like he is pretty stupid. These lies are both small and large, so it is a compulsive thing. And quitting a job with no prospects and lying about something that financially affects you is just dumb.

EssBe · February 2012

These seem like odd lies (I would rather people think I quit than that I was fired). Is it possible this was a forced resignation?

But the issue here is trust. It seems like he just has an issue with not telling the truth with things that are just inconsequential.

We have dealt with this in our relationship (I was the one who lied). It was difficult to get through. We had to rebuild our trust and it still sometimes is rough. But it is possible. First though, he needs to admit that he is lying and figure out why he is lying to you and others. Then you can start working on trusting him again.

CaliopeSpidrman · February 2012

I'm wondering if he has a mental illness that's causing him to behave that way. It's so odd.

iowagrl11 · February 2012

I agree it seems so odd. I did ask a manager about it (we worked for the same company) I had said what he told me, and he told me that I did not know the whole story. my husband tells me there is no more to the story.

I have been trying to find out what is going on and he just sticks to the fact that he has never lied to me. Which I just dont understand how you can hold up a lie when you have obviously been caught. I want to work with him on it but if he wont admit there is a problem . . . . I cant do anything to fix it.

EastCoastBride · February 2012

iowagrl11:
he makes me feel like I am making these things up.

Yeah, you've got a serious problem on your hands. He's a compulsive liar and I don't see that he's going to stop anytime soon. Is this who you want to be married to?

iowagrl11 · February 2012

no, I have talked it over with my family and a few others. His family also knows that there was a discrepency on the terms of leaving the job. I have so many people pushing for me to work it out and to put it behind me and telling me that I am obsessing and overreacting. I dont see the loss of trust as overreacting. I see it as a huge problem. I want to just run, but my rational mind also says I should try to get him help first before giving up.

wingedbride · February 2012

You tried to offer help. he denies there is a problem. I am not sure there is anything else you can do here.

EastCoastBride · February 2012

iowagrl11:

I have so many people pushing for me to work it out and to put it behind me and telling me that I am obsessing and overreacting. I dont see the loss of trust as overreacting. I see it as a huge problem. I want to just run, but my rational mind also says I should try to get him help first before giving up.

I think you need to stop talking to these people then. YOU know there is somethign seriously wrong here.

And put what behind you? He's a compulsive liar, which means he's not going to stop. It will forever be in front of you....

daria405 · February 2012

Oh, you married one of those people. I had a friend like that. She used to make up everything from conversations with boys I liked to a starring role in a movie that never existed. We're not friends anymore. Unfortunately, some people are just like this and there is nothing you can do to get them to change - they believe their own stories.

DaringMiss · February 2012

My first boyfriend was a pathological liar. He would lie about everything - big and little, important or silly.

You just can't fix that kind of broken. Leave before you have kids with him.

SirSleepsALot · February 2012

Uh. Oh.

TheDuckis · March 2012

I feel like lying about the house and the job goes beyond stupid. It's sociopathic. Make sure there's someone else around when you tell him you're leaving. This is creepy.

Malvagia · March 2012

He sounds like a compulsive liar and like he has a mental illness. My husband once quit his job out of the blue but he asked for permission from me before he did it. I agreed to it since he was so miserable at work even though he had nothing else lined up. I lied to other people and told them he was laid off because I was too embaressed to tell them the truth. I would have been stunned and upset if he quit without telling me first.

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