Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I want holymoly to come back and
a. Answer our questions
and
b. Give us an update.
Was she drunk the entire 8hours?
Was he drunk?
Were there any other substances involved (8 hours is a long time. I am pretty tenacious but I get tired) ?
f.k.a.= Derniermot
Re: I want holymoly to come back and
I was not drunk for 8 hours. Maybe an hour or two, but it was an argument that lasted 8 hours.
He was not drunk.
No other substances involved. I am not a drug addict, thank you.
We hit a rough patch and we've been trying to work it out, but apparently it isn't working.
What more do you want me to say? I'm heart broken. I'm in love. He hurt me. I'm not innocent either..but I need to figure it out. It's my choice to forgive, it's my choice to try again, and I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. I've just gotten back to work today and had to face everyone asking me and telling me to put him in jail.
I don't know what to think yet. Its taking me a while to process. I'm still in shock I think.
Thank you for coming back.
Do you live together?
Are you going to counseling (individual)?
What was the argument about ?
Yes we live together.
I am in counseling. I've been for the past year.
The argument was about personal space, ironic enough, and privacy concerns because we are both agressive with each other at times.
Sorry if I don't really wanna talk about too much, it's just all sorts of fvckedup.
Ding ding ding. You win the prize. I'm a hot mess, I get it. I'm all sorts of confused.
I thought it was you for sure, but you said you didn't do drugs and I remember you saying before that you did...
Yeah I've been drug free for 5 weeks. So...
Trying to make changes here. I really am.
Excuse me, 4 weeks. Sorry. I stopped when I went InPatient.
Woohoo!!!! What's my prize?
Liubot - you really need to end it with your boyfriend and have him move out. This is such a toxic relationship. It's not healthy for either of you.
liu... i'm really rooting for you, but it seems like you take 1 step forward and 2 steps back.
what do you mean you are in separate homes now? did you two have an apartment together? c'mon, you know he's going to come back.
please just leave. can you stay with a friend or family until you find your own apartment?
do you work? are you financially stable? or do you feel like you need his help with the bills and everything?
I told him he can come back, if I am not there. It's his place too. We will not be seeing each other, even just to talk, for a long time. I can't. He can't. We just can't.
I just took on a second job, so I can pay off some debt and see where I stand. I cannot afford to live by myself, and I've already moved 4 times this year. I cannot do it again or I will be inpatient again. I can't.
I need to do this. I need to go slow and wrap my head around it. I love him but he was wrong. I was also wrong. We are both wrong.
I just can't talk to anyone right now in person. I'm ashamed of how I look and I'm the office gossip of the girl who lets her bf beat her up. Every look I get from people makes me sick in my heart.
I don't know. I'm rambling. I don't know what I'm going to do yet.
do you have one person you can reach out to IRL? you need someone you can trust and confide in.
sorry if i'm beating a dead horse, but.. if it's his place too, how are you living alone? won't he just come back? you can't make him leave unless you get a restraining order, right? sorry if i'm bombarding you with so many questions, but i just want you to be prepared. if it's his place, he will come back. i get how stressful moving can be, so if you want him to leave, how exactly are you going to do that?
I say this with all the love in my heart: would that really be such a bad thing? You liked inpatient, you felt like it gave you some perspective, and you left feeling really positive. But, given everything that's happened since, that perhaps that week wasn't enough and that you're not stable enough to be living independently. Talk with your therapist, please, about what's your safest option.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
He has somewhere he is staying for a while. He can come back for clothes, use the facilities, get some stuff, as long as I'm not home, which now I work 15 hours a day starting Monday so I will only be home to sleep. I don't mind that. He cannot be in the home with me as of right now. I do not want to press charges or get a restraining order. I will deal with this arrangement for now until I can save up the money to get out. Or whatever I'm going to do. I do not know yet. I have a million different scenarios in my head. I do not know what the final outcome will be.
I have two friends that are really rocking right now. I was on the phone with my one friend until 2am last night. I just don't know anything right now. I'm just kind of on auto pilot.
I don't want it to seem as though I'm picking on you, because I'm really not trying to. BUT. Let's take a look at your history with this man. Co-dependent relationship. History of fighting about space and boundaries. Now add physical abuse on top of that history of fighting.
Do you really, honestly, think that either one of you will respect the "we are not to be around one another" rule? Because, if I'm looking at the past and making a bet, smart money says no.
You need to get out of there. Yesterday.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I know you're not picking on me. You're all trying to help. It's just really hard for me because I don't know who's advice to take, and how I feel is playing a huge role in it. It sounds crazy but I just want to hug him and hold him and cry and make him say everything will be okay because I MISS him. I haven't been with him in 5 weeks, and I just crave him. But that makes me psycho and disjointed. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I know how I want to feel but I don't feel that way. It's not possible for me to feel angry and hateful to him. I'm not angry. I don't hate him. I love him. I know what he did was wrong. I was also wrong. So that's weighing on me too.
I dunno. I dunno one bit.
What do you mean, you haven' t been with him in 5 weeks? Regardless of whatever you two call yourselves, you've continued to co-habitate and spend time together -- to the extent that you found yourself in a prolonged, heated argument that resulted in physical abuse. You haven't called him your boyfriend in 5 weeks. That does precious little to change the fact that you continue to live in a co-dependent relationship.
Your issues are far greater than you even realize. I was hopeful for you when you did the inpatient thing, but you seem unwilling to do much to actually position yourself to have a more successful, happy life. I understand that you are confused. Hell, YOU understand that you are confused and unstable. Given that, stop listening to your head and your heart. You fully acknowledge that they're unwell right now.
Please call your therapist and make an emergency appointment.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
i feel like i am picking on you too.
you guys haven't been together in five weeks, but you lived together?
no one is telling you how to feel, you don't have to hate him. but we're telling you that you're not in the right place emotionally to make sound decisions. with time, therapy and space, hopefully you'll be able to make better decisions.
Sounds to me like you're addicted to HIM. You've traded one vice for another. This isn't love, it's obsession. You're putting yourself in danger by staying with him. We've told you over and over and over again how toxic things are and yet you stay. You aren't ready to help yourself yet. You haven't hit your bottom yet. I'm not trying to harp on you but pull your head out already! Until you're ready to really make changes you'll continue to make excuses using love as the reason. This relationship is many things, but it's definitely not love.
Please please please take care of yourself. Please stop drinking, for real. Your meds and the alcohol are probably not mixing well. Please stay away from him and take care of yourself. You need to love you right now and take care of you.
Seriously, I say it every time I respond to your stuff...I am geniunely concerned about you.
I know, and I appreciate it. I'm really just having a hard time. I'm not making excuses. I need to understand and do it my own way. It's hard for me to wrap my head around this stuff. Ugh. I feel so alone. I know I'm not. But I feel that way.