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I'm getting a divorce...
My H left this morning for work. He'll be gone for the whole month of March in FL (baseball stuff). Then he'll come back April 1st and find an apartment, to be out by May 1 at the latest.
The weird thing is I have been feeling pretty fine about this. I think we have been struggling for so long over various issues that I am kind of numb to this, plus it feels like a relief.
Is that weird?
He had an emotional affair two years ago. I caught him (after spying on him enough to know exactly what was going on), confronted him, he went to FL for the month, came back and got into individual counseling, and we started marriage counseling. He also started medication for ADD and anxiety. For a while it all seemed SO much better. But he could not sustain the changes that made me optimistic.
He has not cheated again, I am sure. But he is financially irresponsible. He also just isn't working enough--not his fault totally. He is a freelance video guy for TV sports and the economy has affected his field. But he should contribute more around the house, IMO, if he is home so much. Cleaning and small projects like painting.
It is sad. We have a shared sense of humor and have been together 10 years (married 8). We have two dogs and four cats, no kids. Right now what makes me feel the saddest is that my best friend, the MOH in our wedding, was our third wheel. Our nickname for her was sidekick because it was always the three of us hanging out. She died about four years after our wedding and I value that we share memories of her. Oh well...what can I do? I just hate that any future relationships won't have known her.
That's all I've got right now, ladies. Guess there's no real question there. Thanks for reading and any words of wisdom you can offer me.
Re: I'm getting a divorce...
I really don't have advice, to me, you sound like you will be just fine. You sound like a strong woman.
Best of luck to you.
it sounds like you know you're doing the right thing.
stay strong ((hugs))
Thanks guys. I really wanted to be a mother. We were pursuing an adoption (I'm older, in my 40s). That sucks. I probably stayed a lot longer than I should have because I wanted a kid so much.
In truth that is probably what makes me the saddest. But eventually I decided that it was too unhealthy and unpleasant (lots of volatility and yelling) for a child.
:-(
the kid thing does suck. but you never know what the future holds. would you consider adopting on your own? you might end up with a SO who has kids.
Thanks Muddled, you're right. I went through some serious pain when I found out about the emotional affair, and at other times in the marriage, so I guess at this point it's just beyond that.
Calle--I would consider adopting alone but it would be hard with my FT job and relatively low salary. My parents would probably help though--it would be their only grandchild and they have some $ they could give to that cause.
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But it does sound like you know you're doing the right thing. (((hugs)))
Divorce sucks on so many levels, BUT there are so many wonderful possibilities that are out there for you.
You will be going through a lot of ups and downs for a while, but you definitely have a good strong attitude.
Total side note but I don't think you have to give up your dream of having a child just because of the divorce. We have a good family friend that is a single 2nd grade teacher in her 40s that really wanted to adopt. She put the word out, went through the process, etc and she ended up adopting a healthy baby boy. He is 2 now and the light of her life.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Keep your head up, and definitely don't give up your dreams of having a child, especially via adoption.
I am grateful for all of your replies. I will not (cannot) give up my dream of adopting. I just don't know at this moment exactly how it will happen.
Thanks for everything!
Right now what makes me feel the saddest is that my best friend, the MOH in our wedding, was our third wheel. Our nickname for her was sidekick because it was always the three of us hanging out. She died about four years after our wedding and I value that we share memories of her. Oh well...what can I do? I just hate that any future relationships won't have known her.
I'm not sure why this really touched me (I've never had/been in this situation) but I really feel for you on this. I have no doubt this has to be a very hard given the circumstances. Good luck to you.
Thanks so much, Rori. It's been nice that he knew her too and "got" her and we all had so many good times together, because when I wanted to remember her or talk about her he wasn't just listening to be supportive. He had the same memories and once I started dating him she truly became his friend as well.
Of course, that isn't a good enough reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship but it is something that I will miss.
I will say that on other boards when people post trivial wedding vents about their MOH, sometimes I want to scream at them and say "MY MOH fu**ing died! Let this small stuff go"
But that would not be appropriate. People have a right to vent...