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How would you feel - first anniversary
We are planning on going out of town for three day weekend in about a month. I was planning on taking the wife out to nice quiet dinner on our last night to celebrate our first year together, the day before our actual anniversary.
Last night she comes home and tells me that we are going to be having dinner with a supplier for her business and his wife at a restaurant. She didn't bother to ask me if I wanted to, etc. The restaurant they are wanting to go to is the exact one I had choosen to take her to. The only good thing is that this supplier would be picking up the tab, which will probably be pretty high. It has just really bugged me that she wouldn't even think to ask me about it, especially being our first anniversary, and the fact that I don't know these people. I think she knew I was a little ticked off.
Re: How would you feel - first anniversary
It is a personal trip....the supplier and his wife live there and run a small company that my wife's company buys a lot from. I guess she was talking to him and mentioned we would be in their area and he offered to take us out. We are staying at a nice resort, and will really only be there for two full days before having to come back Monday.
I'm just not sure if I'm overreacting.
well, the traditional first anniversary gift is paper, and money is paper, and considering the serious coin you are saving by having this other guy take you out to dinner, maybe this is your wife's anniversary gift to you?
eh? no?
i'm just trying to look on the bright side.
you guys will be at a resort anyway. just go have fun and maybe later she'll pinch the tip.
Did you tell your wife ahead of time that you were planning to take her out?
How about after the fact? Did you say you'd rather have dinner alone?
You say you *think* she knows you were annoyed. I think you have a problem using your words.
Crap...I Mean Crafts
This would be my problem with it. I don't like being told what I'm doing on my vacation. I especially wouldn't like being told I'm schmoozing with my SO's business contacts.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
I never make plans with anyone for anything without checking on my husband first.
If people approach me alone, I'll tell them I'll get back to them.
99% of the time there is no issue, no conflict, no problem, I just think it's courteous when you're running a household together to check on these things first.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
If she didn't know about your intention of taking her to the nice restaurant, you are going to have to let that one slide. You can't hold her responsible for things that are only in your head.
Lack of consideration about the dinner plans -- ok, that you can be a bit irritated about. She should have said to the supplier "That sounds like a great plan. I will check with my husband and confirm with you tomorrow." If this is the first time a business dinner with your wife has occurred, I would use it as a learning moment. "Honey, I know that these business dinners are important to your career and I want to be as supportive as possible. I do want to be considered in future dinner plans, so please ask first before committing us. Thanks."
All of this.
This is where I'm at. If this is a new thing, and not something that would bother her, it might not have occurred to her that it'd bother you. You should make it clear that, in the future, you'd appreciate being included on decisions, especially during romantic vacations.
Which brings me to point two, which is while I'm sure she's looking forward to a nice vacation with you, it's possible that she doesn't have the same sentimentality towards anniversaries that you do. This is a time when I'd both tell her and show her how you're feeling. Personally, I'm not one to attach a lot of romantic feelings to anniversaries, but Mr M has made a fuss over them a few times and I ended up really enjoying that special time to be mushy together. If you haven't had a big anniversary before it could just be that she hasn't felt a strong need to be especially romantic for them before, but hopefully will reciprocate your feelings.
I do think it's understandable that you're annoyed, but don't let it spoil your weekend.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
You think? Why the mystery. "You made dinner plans with your supplier? I was planning a quiet dinner at that restuarant for the both of us. How could you commit us without discussing it with me first?" Being 'ticked' isn't really productive in a good relationship.
Hey, you can't knock the hustle. It's business, baby!
Cash money.
Make it rain.
I appreciate all of the feedback. The thing that bothers me is that she always wants me to plan out everything when we go on trips, she says that I do such a good job of it, and is one of the things she likes about me. When she told me about it, she mentioned the restaurant and asked if I'd heard of it, I just told her yes I had. I think that is when she knew I might have been a little upset about it, and she said, well, maybe we can do lunch instead.
I'll talk to her tonight about it....it has been pretty tough the past few weeks, she had miscarriage about 3 weeks ago, and I've tried being as nice and supportive as possible, and didn't want to say anything last night to upset her, but I'll tell her tonight that it made me uncomfortable.