Starting Over
dmndsr4eva
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Now that you have been through a divorce...
Do you still believe in love at first sight or do you still believe that the person you are with has to give you butterflies all the time??
Just curious. I had this discussion with a friend of mine who has been divorced with two young boys. She said that she feels like you can't rely on those type of feelings anymore because they really don't mean anything. I mean we both had all that with our exes and it ended in them leaving basically to get with someone else.
This all came up because she has a man friend that is older than her that is very into her and wants a relationship. She likes a lot of things about him but I guess she doesn't feel that physically attracted to him?
"How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
Re: Now that you have been through a divorce...
I think you are kidding yourself if you think your SO has to give you butterflies all the time. After the "honeymoon" period is over and the person starts farting in front of you, I kind of think this will not cause butterflies at that particular moment.
Now, with that being said. Even though I don't feel butterflies all the time around my SO, I am still wildly attracted to him and do, at times, continue to get butterflies. You need to be attracted to your SO but your relationship on day 365 will be different from your relationship on day 1.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Well, I didn't believe in those two things to begin with.
I also don't believe that you should force yourself to be in a relationship because it's preferable to being alone.
I swear, the more you post, the more I think your idea of relationships gelled at the age of 13 and hasn't budged since.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Love at first sight isn't real love.
How does anyone over the age of 18 not know that?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I never believed in love at first sight. Lust at first sight, sure, but not love. Love is based on much deeper qualities that cannot be determined by sight alone.
And I agree with PP that expecting butterflies 24/7 is unreasonable. There needs to be attraction, absolutely positively, but the butterflies aren't constant. They need to be there sometimes, though. I know I get them when BF references one of our inside jokes, or just tells me that he loves me out of the blue, or does something funny to make me laugh.
Well I guess I didn't phrase it right. What I really mean is do have to have a certain chemistry with a man to be able to maintain a long term relationship. If the chemistry isn't there it probably isn't going to work out.
I don't expect to have butterflies 24/7 but when I was with my ex I felt attracted to him all the time. I consistently admired him and felt attracted.
I just think it is extremely rare to find that. In my 30 years of life I only have had two relationships where I felt that much of a connection.
Thank God it's rare. Can you imagine feeling an intense, sexually charged connection with everyone you meet?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I've never believed in love at first site. Love is something that can only come with time. And divorce has not changed my opinion on the matter at all.
And your friend needs to realize that love at first site does not equal physical attraction.
I do think that you need to feel attracted to your SO in order to have a healthy relationship. Will there be times when you are not attracted as much? Absolutely. When my BF leaves his underwear on the floor and lays a fart that could clear the room, I am not feeling a raging amount of lust at that moment. But when he touches my skin with his finger and starts kissing me--hells yeah, it is on!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
It depends on what you mean by chemistry. I rejected an amazing man in my past because I thought he was too skinny and looking back, I was very shallow and missed out on an opportunity with someone who had a very sunny disposition and sincere passion. I liked everything else about him and with the knowledge I have today, I should have hanged onto him. But then again, it was my lesson to learn and I was not "mature" at the time and he does not deserve a woman who was not fully into him.
If your friend is not physically attracted to the man, then she is not. Why is she even hesitating on this question? Life is too short to be with the wrong person.
When you are with the right person, you should not even be hesitating and both persons in the relationship should not sacrifice on emotional, mental and physical needs in anyways to make the relationship work. It should feel natural.
I never believed in love at first sight, I also never believed that I would get butterflies from someone. With that said, I was not initially physically attracted to my XH and I thought that over time I would become attracted to him. But, if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I ever developed those types of feelings for him even though he was a great guy in many ways. So, I would never again date someone that I wasn't physically attracted to.