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Taking time off for DH's company retreat
DH's company does a retreat over the weekend and spouses are expected to attend. Yes, expected, not just invited.
Employee attendance is not exactly mandatory, but if an employee doesn't attend, they get a ton of grief. I find it ridiculous to require attendance outside of works hours for a full weekend and have a spouse attend. But whatever, DH is ok with it, so not my fight to fight.
They have company meetings where the spouse isn't invited, I'm kind of ok with that because I can read or something relaxing.
I also have to find care for my dog at my expense (imagine my complaint if I had children!!).
They want to leave midday on a Friday and return Sunday night. I did not attend last year and DH felt so awkward being the only solo person. I agreed to go, BUT I told him I cannot take off of work on Friday, but I will go meet them when I get off. They are giving him a hard time about this because they think I should take a half day off. I am new at my company and do not have the PTO time built up, and when I do have vacation days, there won't be many so I don't want to use them for his company retreat.
I think my compromise was reasonable, meeting them there after work. Everyone is driving separately anyways, and the location isn't usually more than an hour away. DH feels like I'm not being agreeable. What do you think?
Re: Taking time off for DH's company retreat
I do agree with you that is very unreasonable to expect the spouse to take a day off to attend a retreat. Is this company a good ol' boy/old fashioned company? Because I could not imagine, they would force the husbands of the employees to take time off! Because in their mind women's work is probably not important. I can't believe we still do have employers like that around!!!!
I could be wrong but legally they can't mandate that!!! Unless they want to pay for your salary for missing work!!
This is where I'd start being sarcastic if I were your DH. "You know, if you want to double my salary, my wife can quit her job and come to all of our retreats." Or, "I know...ever since we gave them the right to vote they want to work, too. The nerve!"
That's probably not the right thing to do, but I'd do it nonetheless
Now that I think about it, the female employees generally don't have SOs, so there's that...
I like the doubling of salary for two reasons: 1) It DOES make me available to DH as needed and to do things regularly like dusting and vacuuming without complaining about having time. 2) He makes way more than me, so I'd be getting a raise to boot!
I should also note that I am not social outside of work and in strange situations. His boss wants me to think of it as a most-expenses paid weekend getaway, but it really isn't because I have to pretend to enjoy myself around strangers. (And most-expense paid means that we are responsible for breakfast and lunch, which is annoying because we will be incurring a higher cost of food than if we ate at home which I prefer because of sensitivities but I can almost always find something that'll do.)
Pfft. That's how I feel.
I guess in his mind, you are only working so you would not get bored, until you have children and you will become a SAHM. LOL!!!
I?m going to be really blunt here? your DH is being an a$$. You?re new at your job, you don?t have the PTO. The fact that your DH is starting to succumb to the crappy attitude his employer clearly has that the spouses jobs aren?t important pretty much sucks! He seriously can?t go for a few hours w/o you there? Even the fact that being ?single? last year was awkward?. What the hell? He?s a grown man, he works w/ these people. He should be perfectly capable to handle himself for a few hours much less an entire weekend without you.
I?m sure he?s thinking ?but this is just ONE time a year?, but so what? YOU HAVE A JOB AND YOUR BEING A GOOD, RELIABLE EMPLOYEE FOR YOUR EMPLOYER is important too!! This really incenses me that your DH is putting this pressure on you. He?s showing a total lack of respect for you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't think this is just an error on the part of the company, but also your DH. Being that he has a job with restrictions and expectations, it is really inconsiderate that he is ignoring those same expectations your job places on you.
Your compromise is extremely reasonable, and I would do the same thing. I would not take off a day from any job (much less a new one) for a thing like that. Your husband needs to work on understanding your job. It sounds like his boss is getting to him...
I agree with pp. Your H is being an @ss and needs to work with you. It's called compromise. You agreed to meet him there after your work his over. Then your H says thank you for coming. If he continues to give you crap just tell him you'll just stay home the entire weekend. (That's what I'd do.)
I appreciate the blunt answers. I'm obviously not objective because I want DH to be happy. I think he saw this post too (I think I left it up on the iPad, accident or not?). So, really, thanks for the responses. If anyone has more, I'd like to hear.
I love reading a coloring. So I'm going to bring plenty of these things with me because I find them relaxing. I sense a lot of downtime too.
Plus, again, this is actually partially out of your control. You're new at your job. If it weren't for that, maybe my answer would be different. But you're new.
Time off aside - i'm a FIRM believer that the first 6 months at a job are SO important. If you really kick butt and show your stuff and impress your bosses - if you do need a little slack, or if you screw up - they are more likely to roll with it and be understanding.
But if you go in and do the opposite, don't impress, etc., even if you change your attitude around, you will always have this "stigma".
Not that a 1/2 day off would be that detrimental, but I hope you get what I mean overall.
Big picture, your DH needs to be more respectful of your job and your concerns about your job. And I still stand by it- he's a grown up and these are HIS coworkers. It really shouldn't be THAT big of a deal to be alone w/ them.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I mean, sometimes our jobs have "family fun-day" type events, but I can't imagine being asked to spend an entire weekend with my husband's co-workers while they "work". And my husband would never expect it of me.
I'm going to go a little different direction here...my DH has a similar work thing, not a company retreat, but a sort of non-optional thing that spouses go to as well. The first year, i dreaded it as i had a large project going on at work--and this was a few days, and over a weekend, not just a Friday. I explained the situation to my boss and offered to make up the time (maybe you could work late a couple nights since you don't yet have PTO?) and i was invested in this project so i wanted it to go well. My boss was understanding and appreciated that i wanted to support my husband's endeavors as well as mine. And, i had a good time with the other spouses, to my surprise (i am an introvert and the thought of spending a few days and nights with total strangers really made me nervous!) For the record, some of the other wives work, some do not.
There are plenty of times my husband has made sacrifices for my job commitments as well so it has evened out. It's just part of the ebb and flow of job demands throughout one's career, in my experience.
I do disagree with men who think women should not work outside the home but is that really the issue here--that the boss thinks that?--or do you not want to ask for a day off (offering to make up time) and sacrifice a weekend to yourself?
If you (and your DH) really disagree with this policy, then there are probably other things in the culture of the job that may be disagreeable to his values and goals, and he should look elsewhere.
Just playing devils advocate here, having experienced this. Flame away if you wish...
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