Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I feel like our relationship will fall apart because of bad sex
I've been with my guy for a year and he's never gave me an orgasm. It's not his fault, I've never been able to have one unless I do it myself. I'm just getting so frustrated because I don't even like having sex anymore. In fact I hate it. My problem is that I can't say no. No matter how much I don't want to do it, I let him. And that's my fault. But I can't help feeling taken advantage of afterward. And uncared for. Cause he gets what he wants, and I just get more and more frustrated every time. I've discussed it with him before many times but I don't even try anymore. It doesn't help, it feels like he doesn't even care. I don't know what to do because I don't want to live like this. I just feel like if it keeps going on it will be detrimental to our relationship.
Re: I feel like our relationship will fall apart because of bad sex
The key to any relationship is COMMUNICATE.
Have you shown him what touches turn you on?
If not, you'd better start.
Does he go down on you? that's sure to give you an orgasm - and if he isn't going down, why? (we need more backstory about this: is he or isn't he going down)
I certainly can't see how anybody could go for a full year and not have an orgasm with their partner. As i said, communicate: "Honey: touch me here; it feels so hot." followed by you showing him where the hot spot is.:) Or "what you're doing feels good but so does this" followed by you showing him where to put his hand or tongue.
Communicate and show him what feels good. It'll be a great start.:)
Have you actually shown him where to put his hand or his tongue?
As an alternative, you could masturbate in front of him and have an orgasm that way; have him watch the show. Then proceed with having sex with him.
Are you positive you've actually had an orgasm? Usually oral sex is a no-fail for an orgasm.
As a last resort, see a sex therapist. It is indeed possible that something psychological is in the way here -- it wouldn't hurt to check into seeing one and bounce this issue off him or her.
I cannot orgasm from oral sex either, so I understand your frustration. My XH and I had the sort of sexual relationship you're describing and it led to a lot of problems. Eventually we broke up and the bad sex had a lot to do with it. You are right to be concerned that something like this could lead to the demise of your relationship.
Are you attracted to your SO? I wasn't attracted to my XH and I honestly don't think that any amount of communication would have helped. If you are attracted to him, that's a good start. It sounds like you're communicating, but perhaps you need to communicate more. Can he make you orgasm by stimulating you the same way you would yourself when you masturbate? Have you tried different positions that give you more control? Me on top with the guy in a seated position (like on a couch) has always been really successful for me - have you tried that?
Something else I've noticed for me is that certain BCP don't interfere with my sex drive, but they do seem to make it harder to orgasm. Are you on a hormonal form of BC? If so, have you tried switching it up to see if that has any affect on it?
HTH
Hell yes it will be detrimental to the relationship.
If he doesn't care, won't listen, and you resent him and hate sex with him, why would you want to keep the relationship going?