Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
help with ILs needed.
DH and I can only afford 1 trip per year. My ILs offered for the past 6months to send DH, DS and I on a trip with them out of state. They have even told a few people we were coming up. Recently though, the ILs have changed their minds and are now telling us we have to pay our way, or at least 80% of it. What do you do with wishy washy family like this? My ILs tend to "dangle" gifts to us, and then pull them out...this "dangling" from my MIL has been going on for a year or so now, ongoing. I dont mind us paying our way, but we may/may not do this trip...i have to talk to dh. How do you handle IL/family members like this? I dont expect anything from them, and dont believe it until its in my hands that im gifted things from them. -sent from smarthone
Re: help with ILs needed.
If this is your one chosen vacation for the year, and you can afford to go without them paying, then I would go.
If you both would rather do something else with your vacation, I would just tell her that with the change of plans, you are going to take your vacation at another time/place.
This!
Only go if you want to go and don't expect them to pay. Of course if they do, then woo hoo!
You simply decline the trip. Really now, if you feel they manipulated you by making it a gift only to have it be the one and only trip you can afford this year - I would make a POINT of declining. They can simply tell people you changed your plans.
And I would stop completely with the danglings. Really, you know how they are, stop pretending otherwise. And yes, expect them to be awful and resentful that you don't fall into line. They won't like that you cancel and they won't like that they are not getting what they want - as in a visit. So, expect to brace yourself against the ineveitble backlash.
But seriously, you must, otherwise they will continue .o manipulate you and you will continue to let them,
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Say "Oh, thanks anyway, but we can't afford it. Enjoy your trip!" and change the subject.
And don't accept gifts from these people. Next time they offer you something? Say, politely, "No thanks! It's a lovely thought though, and we really appreciate it".