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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Would you move out?
STBX moved out of the house Jan. 3rd. I can't afford to stay here, and STBX is refusing to pay his half of the bills, even though both of our names are on the mortgage/deed, and only his name is on the utilities. His lawyer even said that he shouldn't be responsible for anything since he moved out. I think it's ridiculous. I found an apartment and I want to move so I can live where I can afford my bills. If STBX has the luxury of moving out and "not being responsible," so can I, right? I called a realtor and the house is going up for a short sale on Monday. Why should I be stuck here with the mortgage, equity loan, utilities, and he doesn't have to be responsible for anything? He's living rent free, utility free, at his parents house right now. He doesn't even care that his children are living in this house with me, either.
The only problem is, if I move, I obviously won't be able to afford to pay the mortgage on this house while it is up for sale. It will affect my credit (his too). I don't really have a choice, though. I talked to STBX about this, and he just yelled at me and said I have to stay here. I told him he should move back here until it sells, and he said, "I don't want to live in that house." He makes $30,000 more than me a year. He can afford it.
The only problem is, if I move, I obviously won't be able to afford to pay the mortgage on this house while it is up for sale. It will affect my credit (his too). I don't really have a choice, though. I talked to STBX about this, and he just yelled at me and said I have to stay here. I told him he should move back here until it sells, and he said, "I don't want to live in that house." He makes $30,000 more than me a year. He can afford it.
Re: Would you move out?
I'm kind of scratching my head at this whole post.
Where are his kids? And are they your kids too?
The very first thing that you said was that you couldn't afford to pay all of bills staying in the house so you want to move. Now you are asking if you should move
Live in the house = can't pay the bills
Move out of the house = can't pay the bills.
Not really understanding the issue...
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
If the children are living with you, I would think he would have to pay $ for that. Have you talked to your lawyer? But back to my original question, the first thing you said is that you can't pay all of bills if you stay in the house. So if you can't pay all of the bills, how can you stay there?
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Just to clarify:
Can you afford the mortgage/equity loan but not the utilities? (Your X is still responsible for 1/2 the mortgage if his name is on the loan)
Ditto pp: You have to be behind in your mortgage payments if you SS. If you short sale, stop paying your mortgage (talk to someone first...) that way you can stay in the house during this period
I accidentally clicked on the wrong board, but I saw this post and will answer anyway. Don't worry about negatively impacting your credit by not paying the mortgage. A short sale is going to kill your credit regardless, and the bank won't accept a short sale unless you're behind on payments.
In one way, it makes more sense to stay there while not paying the mortgage, because it means you have no house payment. However, since a short sale will kill your credit, it probably makes more sense to get the apartment now while you have a good credit score.
Have you looked into renting out the house so you don't hurt your credit score? Have you talked to a lawyer about a short sale to determine whether you live in a no-recourse state or if the bank can come after you for the difference? (And also to enforce your DH's contributions toward the house/kids)
Make sure you research this plan thoroughly before making a move.
My weight loss blog
I'm a little lost as well, but can't help but wonder what things you've done to reduce your bills to possibly maintain the home. When my XH moved out, I got rid of my gas-guzzling SUV and bought a small car, got rid of my expensive cell phone plan, reduced my cable bill, started meal planning to reduce my grocery bill, etc.
Is he paying child support?
Must be a social worker thing...
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Darn social workers!
So here's one thing- depending on what state you are in (and separate from child support) he may NOT required to pay half of the mortgage if you are living in the house and he is not. In California, we have a thing called Watts and Epstein credits. As XH is still living our the house, he is required to pay "us" a far market value for rent for the house, and then if that does not cover the mortgage, we have to split that. So I am paying a few hundred a month right now while we try to get the mortgage settled. He's also not "required" to pay off the utilities, and if you just stop paying them, it will potentially hurt his credit (and you won't have utilities...) or you can switch them to you name.
However, your kids are also there and he is going to be required to pay some sort of child support. Has this been addressed? Or ever brought up?
Have you filed yet?? How far have you gotten? Are you talking to a lawyer about how you want the house to be settled in the divorce? Does he know you want to sell? Because it's in his name too..
If you are dead set on just letting the house essentially default, I would live there and cut back on every possible thing I could to save as much as I could.
But I'm not really sure what you are asking.
If you truly cannot afford your mortgage, I would stay in the house until the house is sold. That would allow you to save your living expenses for when you move. If you were to stay in the house, you would still need to pay for the electric and gas until the house is sold. So keep that in mind.
STBXH and I are opting to just sell the house so that our credit is not affected. I cannot afford the house on my own without working 2 or 3 jobs and I could not refinance in just my own name. Plus this house has memories so we are opting to sell and it will give me a fresh start. STBXH will continue to pay his half of the mortgage when he moves out until the house is sold. We are fortunate that we are not under water and live in a community where houses sell.
Good luck on whatever you decide. I also echo the other comments, that if you do not have a lawyer, get one ASAP!
Weren't you the one who just went through mediation? What was decided about the house? And if mediation has not completed, I'd caution you away from it. Contentious divorces aren't good candidates for this process.
If that wasn't you, then you need to hire a lawyer. He is legally obligated to help provide a home for his children, especially if he doesn't have primary custody. You really need to consult a professional about your situation, not some Internet strangers. Since the house is in both of your names, he will have to sign listing papers.
Is he paying child support? In many states child support can be paid directly through his paycheck, so you don't have to rely on him to mail you a check. You sound like you don't have a lawyer - your lawyer should be handling this for you. If you think you can't afford a lawyer....you can't afford NOT to have one!
I agree, mediation is not for you. Your H is not agreeing to pay for the support of his children!
Also, I've already been approved for this apartment. I went over there the other day and applied. It's in the best complex in my state. Great area, very safe, all the amenities you could ask for, etc. I'm concerned that if I wait, my credit will be in the crapper and I won't get approved later....then I would have missed my opportunity to move into a good area.