Family Matters
KikiCohen
member
BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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In-laws 50th anniversary
Hi, ladies! My in-laws will celebrate their 50th anniversary this December and DH and I are discussing hosting a party for them. He is one of five childen, so my question is, do we have to include the others in the planning? We're obviously going to invite them, I'm just worried about planning such an event with four other families. Too many cooks spoil the soup, KWIM? I'm definitely the party planner in the family, so I think they're all waiting for me to bring up the party idea anyway. TIA!
BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink!
Re: In-laws 50th anniversary
You know the dynamics the best, but I would recommend reaching out to the other siblings. You're the party planner, but this is for THEIR parents. I can see people being upset if they aren't included on some level.
however, at the same time, in talking to them, find a way to word it that doesn't make them think they HAVE to help. Some may not care and might prefer to let you run with it. But if you word it wrong- they may feel you expect them to help. KWIM?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yeah, I worried about finding that balance. I know that three of his siblings won't care and will be relieved to have me plan it (based on other family events). It's his one sibling that I'm worried about.
BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Are you expecting the other siblings to help pay? If yes, then you have to give them at least a heads up in the planning. You can't just plan a party and then say "ok, here's the bill......"
If one sibling wants a lot of responsibility, is that bad? Do they have poor taste? Are they cheap (going cut-rate, and a poor product)? Do they spend too much? Not follow through, so you are left scrambling last minute? Will they fight you on every choice? How you proceed with that one depends on what the problem is.
You (or H) can talk to the other siblings and get their buy-in, so that it's 4-against-1, and give the single sibling a responsibility and budget (such as $X for favors and music) and let them do their thing. Reach out to the siblings who will be on board with your choices, and give them as much detail as possible (that they want to have!) so they know you have done your research.
That she'll either take over the party completely and not let anyone else do anything or have nothing to do with it and then complain about it later (how it was lame, cheap, etc etc).
BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink!
I would never expect them to help pay if they weren't involved in the planning.
BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink!
I would never expect them to help pay if they weren't involved in the planning.
BFP #1 3/23/12 ~ EDD 11/29/12 ~ M/C 5/20/12 ~ D&E 5/21/12
BFP #2 10/21/12 ~ EDD 7/4/13 ~ Team Pink!
And/or talk to the other sibling's first, see if anyone is interested. If so, perhaps find out how they want to help, then by the time you get to her, have something specific in mind to "assign" to her?
Also, from that point of view - since you don't' expect the other siblings to want to help, if you confirm that they don't want to be involved, you could then perhaps lay some groundwork for the plans. Location, maybe - and be able to approach her from a A and B are done, we could use help with C and D, w/ the "excuse" being that since the other siblings aren't able to help - you all have to keep tight control on the budget to keep it affordable.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sure, you can host a party for your ILs and just invite the other siblings. You just run the risk of coming-off like a show-off or control freak. Maybe they'll be supportive and appreciative. Hard to say.
Anyway, it's pretty rude to ignore all efforts at planning and then show-up and complain about anything. But you can't prevent her from being rude. Personally, given the choice, I'd rather risk her rudeness - that's a reflection on her poor manners, than be annoyed at her entire run-up of bossiness.
You are likely to need things from the siblings - things like photos, addresses of old friends, etc. - so don't alienate them.
I would prefer to be in control and have her complain than trust that she is going to do it well. Put her in charge of one thing like the cake or invites and be done with it.
They're her parents. She has more right to plan the event than a mere inlaw.
Maybe you should all get together and take them out for a nice dinner or send them on a trip instead.
As one of six siblings, I can honestly say that I'd be royalled peeved if I was not invited to plan a party. I'd be even more annoyed if it was being planned by my sister-in-law without including everyone else.
Your husband should contact his siblings about what to do to celebrate their parents' milestone. "Hey, guys.. Mom and Dad are hitting 50 years in December. What should we do for them?" Let them make the plan. Some will help, others won't. You can get involved on your husband's behalf, but these people are their parents. If their actual daughter wants to plan the party, then you need to step aside. If no one wants to do it, then it's on your husband and, by extension, you.
I may get flamed for my point of view here, and I don't know the dynamics in your husband's family, but this could be a big deal for the siblings. Too many cooks do not spoil the soup if those cooks are working together. The siblings may want to do something else. For that matter, the ILs may already be thinking about something. I know my parents have been talking about taking a big family vacation for their 50th. Be sure to consider their desires as well.