Trouble in Paradise
ESDReturns
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"Evolutionary game theorists...ignoring beebees on the nest since 2005"
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S/O affair
OP http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64084448.aspx
Would you tell the wife?
"Evolutionary game theorists...ignoring beebees on the nest since 2005"
Re: S/O affair
Yeah, probably. I think this would be easier in a case where you're only acquaintances. It's not like she's going to lose a close friendship over it.
But I'm also pushy. In reality, she should tell him she's not going to say anything, but he should.
But - based on the "relationship" you have with this couple, I probably wouldn't tell either. A close friend is one thing. An aquaintance? Another.
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I am going to say this, for all who have ever been in this situation: if you are sure, you should tell. Yes, you're the messenger, and yes, you might get shot, but in the end, the person being cheated on would thank you.
I have firsthand experience with this, and let me tell you, my mother, sisters, and I have all agreed that it sucks to be the only people in town who didn't know your husband/dad was a big fat cheater.
I agree with this as well. If the whole thing were innocent, would he have even thought to call you? And he's called a few times and sent you a friend request? Yeah. Dude's having an affair.
Ditto DL and BBE. I'd tell because I'd want to know. It would be awkward and everyone would be uncomfortable, but I wouldn't feel good about keeping that information in.
You can just lay it out factually too, not an "I think...Or maybe this was going on..." blah blah blah. Just lay it out there "I was driving on this road, saw your DH with this person and this is what they were doing. And then your DH *randomly* contacted my husband, called me 4 times and friend requested me. Make of it what you will."
If one would be so brazen to act like that in public with someone who is not your SO, YOU can explain to your SO exactly what was going on. Let him save his excuses for the wife.
Honestly, the pain of knowing that others knew but didn't think enough of me to tell me was as bad as the act itself.
ITA-this was the situation with my mom & I and EVERYONE in town knew. BUT I don't know if I would have believed a random acquaintance if they had told me out of the blue. Looking back with hindsight, I might have, but when I was in that situation with my dad, I probably would have believed him over a random person
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Even if you didn't 100% believe, it would have planted seeds of doubt and you would start really thinking about your life over the past four years (in my family's case) and realizing that things didn't add up...you'd think about the phone calls that had to be taken outside on holidays, the late nights at the gym, the freakouts when you picked up their phone, and you'd start to wonder. And eventually you'd figure it out.
One other thing. Once you DID find out, you'd thank that person that tried to tell you and you'd realize that everybody else, all those people who knew and fake smiled at you in the grocery store and at your kids soccer games and at the PTA meetings and never ever told you - those people aren't your real friends. And that's a really shiitty thing to have to realize AFTER you've found out that you've been cheated on.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
I'd probably tell.
I wouldn't get overly involved. Just privately say, "Look, I saw Bob out running with a lady, and I saw him grab her bum and go lean in like he was going to kiss her, but then he saw me and pulled back. He also called me 4 times after that and tried to friend me on FB. It's none of my business and I won't mention it again, but I figured I'd want to know." And just leave it at that. She can confront her husband about it, or write you off as a lunatic. Either way, at least she knows.
And I'd feel awful if I found out DH was having an affair and people knew about it but didn't tell me.
Yup all of this. You wouldn't want to be that wife that is pointed to and everyone was whispering about at Christmas parties.
The man was clearly trying to get to her before she told so there isnt a doubt in my mind that he is a cheating cheater who cheats.
one of my friends was cheated on to the point that her ex h took another girl as a date to a wedding that he was a groomsman in. everybody knew, from her friends to her childhood next door neighbor who had moved out of town.
she said it was horrible and she didnt know who to trust anymore. just tell her the facts.
This.
I was going to come in here and say that I would stay out of it and not tell because I didn't want to be involved in this in anyway, but I think that BBE and the rest of you have shamed me into re-thinking this stance.
To be perfectly honest, I never would have slowed down to say hi in the first place and so I never would have been absolutely sure that it was him or seen the ass slap. Being friendly gets you into all kinds of messes.
I agree w this. Bc one time I did tell my friend about her unfaithful fianc? and it ended the friendship. Now.... That being said I would still tell my BFF or just an acquaintance. People need to know when they're not being shown all the cards, Kwim? And also, HIV. Gahhhhh