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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
we always talk about too soon...how about not soon enough?
My co-worker and her BF have been dating for 7 months. She's been hoping for a few months that he would say "I love you", but he hasn't, and she won't say it first. She's 25, he's 30, and while they've both had serious relationships, they've never been married.
Whaddaya think?
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Re: we always talk about too soon...how about not soon enough?
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
I think it's really immature of her to have the 'I won't say it first' attitude. If she really loves him she needs to tell him & find out how he feels about her.
I think it's weird that he hasn't said it after 7 months, but I can't have any sympathy for her if she's not adult enough to have the conversation with him.
I agree with this.
Completely agree. While I get that it's tough to put yourself out there, if that's how she really feels, wouldn't she want to tell him rather than lose him? Otherwise, it just seems to me as if she would be saying it because it's the next logical step in the relationship.
So have you asked her if she does, in fact, love him? I mean, if she's waiting on him to say it, is it because she doesn't know until he does?
It seems a little weird and I'd like to think I'd know if I loved someone before 7 months!
ITA. She needs to grow up.
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I'm going to defend your friend because I can relate. I dated a guy for 6 months and I was crazy in love with him. I finally told him because I couldn't take it any longer, and he didn't say it back. I was absolutely crushed!!! We dated for a couple weeks after that but then it was over. Again, I was absolutely crushed.
Since then, I've vowed to never say it first. Immature, yes, but it's a defense mechanism. Although, I have never been in a situation like that since then where something's gone on for so long. Anyone I've been with long-term has said the words to me, first, in a timely manner.
ETA: If she really has feelings for him and does love him, I'd say she either tells him, or just ends it. It's weird that it hasn't been said yet.
IDK - 7 months in is a pretty long time.
In defense of your friend though, one time in my life I said "I love you" first and he didn't reciprocate. I was CRUSHED! It was the worst feeling ever. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last. However, after 7mths I'd say that it is time for a come to Jesus talk.
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You know I'm not sure if I could tell if I loved someone in seven months. For me seven months would be fast. In my relationship with my ex we had I love yous at two months and engaged by six. I vowed never to rush like that again. Also have they been exclusive for seven months or met seven months ago?
I think it's okay to not be "in love" at this phase, but she should talk to him about if he sees a future together, etc.
I am in the same boat as pdx18. In the past, 7 months seems rather long. But with the lessons I learned and the wisdom I gained from my past experiences, 7 months would not be too long at all.
I never said it first until my current BF. We were dating approx 6 months before I said it.
I am not one to express my feelings very well, so it took a lot of courage, but I stepped up to the plate and told him how I felt. He felt the same way.
I think it is immature that she refuses to say it first... If she loves him, she should tell him. If she doesn't, then it sounds as though she is in the relationship to simply be in a relationship.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
i'm with them. i don't think seven months is OMG worthy. what's the big rush? if she does love him, she should tell him. but i don't think it's a red flag that he hasn't said it or anything.
i also wonder though, like achase, how the rest of their relationship is.
Way to sum it up, DorisWE. If she loves him she should say so. If she doesn't she should move on. Why wait?
Okay with that info, I concur that she is being immature.