Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Ugly People Need Love Too!
As someone who in the average/slightly below average in the physical beauty category, these posts today made me really sad! Do you think there is a difference between being sexually attracted to someone versus physically attracted? One instance (and yes I know it's a TV show, blah blah) that comes to mind is Charlotte and Harry in SATC. I for one am totally in that camp. I'd probably dismiss a Harry on a dating site, but if I met him in person I'd totally fall for him.
Thoughts?
Re: Ugly People Need Love Too!
pdx, I don't think you should feel sad. My response wasn't to say a guy had to be HOT for me to date him, but that I had to feel attracted to him.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am sure that there are other women who don't think my BF is hot but I don't give a shitt cause I want to jump his bones. What one person finds attractive is completely different than anyone else.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I agree with you. There's a difference between sexual attraction and physical chemistry.
I've been out with people who I wasn't necessarily attracted to at first but as I got to know them, there was definitely chemistry. Often I think what people first think of as chemistry is really just sexual attraction, which can cloud judgment and cause them enter into relationships that won't last.
To be honest, I don't want someone who every woman is going to want to be with. I don't like men that are pretty or look like hunky movie stars. I'm looking for my Harry...I'd just prefer that he has great legs. Love me a man with muscular legs!
This is true. Everyone is someone's type! You don't have to be Ken and Barbie.
FWIW, personality plays into attraction for me (as I'm sure it does for a lot of people). I see attraction as a total package--physical, emotional, etc.
This.
I know that I have a "type" - but that type is actually something a lot of people don't find attractive, so...
And personality DEFINITELY plays into attraction for me. Case in point? My former supervisor was stunningly handsome....at least until he opened his mouth. There's no way in HELL I would have wanted anything to do with him once I saw how he treated people. (A fact, which, interestingly enough, apparently caused a lot of the friction between us).
I'm perfectly capable of acknowledging that someone is objectively physically attractive, while not being attracted to them myself, if that makes any sense....
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Inside beauty is more important to me than physical beauty. I will pick my future guy based on how well he treats me(Which is one of the many reason will not be going the online route).
If someone does not want to date you because of your looks, then obviously he is not the right person for you. (why would you want to be with someone like that?)
I think we all mature at different times
This makes sense. And I totally agree that pulling your ish together is important. I wouldn't be interested in dating someone with disheveled clothes, lack of a haircut, etc. I like someone to put some effort into their appearance.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Sorry PDX if my post made you sad. Def was not my intention. Really just wanted to say IJL would never be for me. Prob could have worded my post better.
You totes ruined my day JM! Just kidding:) No it made me more sad from the standpoint that people seemed to sound entirely focused on looks as a dealbreaker and I knew my SO peeps weren't entirely all about that! And for the record IJL would probably not be for me at all either, mainly because I'm cheap and I would rather trust the blind dates to my friends.
You're treating attractiveness as though it's a very specific thing, handed down from the heavens as Beauty*tm. That's some Beauty Myth sh*t there. Different people find different things to be aesthetically pleasing (even though the beauty industry and media try to tell us that we don't and shouldn't), and more than that, gestures and expressions and mannerisms have a lot more to do with attractiveness than you can see in a still shot.
Have you read The Beauty Myth? If not, you should.
Oh I'm super aware of all of this. You're really backing up my point. A lot of things create "attraction" and I was hearing people dismissing others solely on a photo (which doesn't tell the whole story), or saying they wouldn't want to go on a date with someone they couldn't first deem physically attractive. Now, meeting someone in person and not being attracted to them, entirely different deal.
pdx, I think you are taking comments the wrong way. Everyone has a different view as to what is attracted. I find guys who are slightly geeky to be hot. Some others may not. I think that you need to feel attracted to your partner in order to have a successful relationship. Attraction is not all about physical appearance.
ETA: I also said in JM's post that if a picture was "iffy" I would still go because I understand that a picture isn't everything.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Not at all. Not trying to make people feel bad! I mean I wouldn't want to date someone I'm not attracted to. Just think it's an interesting discussion about "attraction" versus "physical looks." And I do think that online dating has somewhat caused some issues in this arena. We go immediately to the profile pics and it's super easy (I'm guilty of it too of course) to dismiss someone who could be awesome and you might actually be attracted to if you had met them in person. As someone who doesn't photograph well at all, it makes something like online dating difficult (and as a result I gave up).
This is really true... I feel like I miss out on meeting people that could be really funny and sweet because I don't give them a chance... I am not online dating right now but when I do again I am going to be more open and focus less on looks/career and really concentrate on if they are a nice person and makes me laugh and feel great about myself.
On the other hand I feel that I get lots of attention because of my looks... I photograph really well and have beautiful features but sometimes I know guys are only contacting me because of my looks . they don't actually care to know me.