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A (long) story from my conference.
I went to Chicago this week for a conference sponsored by my organization. We're nationwide so lots of us from all over the country were there. It's always a big party since we don't see each other much.
The first night, I was hanging out with one of my female friends from the New York office and a man (probably mid-late 40s, I'd guess) from another office I'd never met that she is good friends with. We were drinking, having fun, laughing, talking shop. I talked a lot about my husband and kids.
We were all pretty plowed and closed the bar around 1:30 AM. The three of us rode the elevator together to our rooms and said goodnight.
I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed when much to my surprise, my hotel room phone rang. IT WAS THAT GUY. He wanted me to know how much he enjoyed talking to me and how impressed he was with my knowledge of our organization. To which I replied "I'm burshing my teef" and said goodnight.I was shocked.
Um, what? NO. I immediately called my female friend and told her what happened. She couldn't believe it. We laughed in that moment but the next morning I felt all icky inside. I called another friend who wasn't at the conference who said the guy is harmless but it's still whack, and talked to my (male) co-worker who came on the trip with me from Cincy and he agreed that it was totally inappropriate.
The dude kept circling around me trying to talk but I just avoided him. The more I thought about it the more upset it made me. I was just being my friendly chit-chatty self. No flirting, not touching, no indications that I'd be down for a booty call.
Well the next night I went out with my female friend again and some other women. When we got back to the hotel old dude was in the bar, he came over to talk to my friend so I ducked out. Just didn't want to deal with it. Turns out he and my friend must have had a long talk about the situation because the next day he had the nerve to be giving ME dirty looks. Yeah...no. I won't be made to feel like I did something wrong here. The call to my room made me feel vulnerable and icky and screw you for trying to turn it around on me.She told me she was in a difficult situation because the two of them are good friends and she and I are close, so I understand that, but I tried to explain how I didn't know him and it was out of line, in my opinion.
On the way home I told my boss what happened. She asked if I wanted her to talk to the guy's boss (he works for a VP) and I said no, I just wanted it to die. And I do. I mean, I can defend myself fine, it's not like he did anything physical to make me feel unsafe. And we were all drinking and he made a serious error in judgement. I can let that slide. But a small part of me worries that he might try this on some other woman and that part of me makes me feel like I should say something. And really, what is my complaint? He didn't say anything to proposition me. It was just...strange.
We're not that big of an org, I want to make my future here and in less than a year I've already made a good name for myself. I don't want to get a reputation. It's still a boys club in many ways and this crap goes on ALL the time at these conferences. I know. Ugh.
Ready to rumble.
Re: A (long) story from my conference.
Is he in a position of power because he works for a VP? DO you think another woman might feel like she had to do something she might want not want to? That would be the only reason I would escalate.
This stuff does happen all the time at those kind of events and it sucks. I would have probably tried to brush it off after the first night. After all, he did drop it after you told him good night. But the fact that he continued to pursue you after that does bother me.
we all fall down sometimes
brass and ballet flats
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If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
I hope he got that message from our mutual friend.
Eh, I think most of us have been in this position and don't have trouble coming up with a "Oh look at the TIME, gotta go" deflection. I think you mostly feel icky because of your recent challenges back home. I think as far as dudes hitting on women goes, he was fairly tame about it and was just feeling the situation out. He knows why he called and you know why he called, but it can all be ignored and denied in the public light of day.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
He was totally inappropriate.
But I still got a chuckle out of him being mid-late 40's and then you refer to him as the old dude!!!
ha ha ha ha ha
Pretty people problems. As a non-pretty person, I would have been oblivious that he was hitting on me and would have instead branded him a social retard for calling my room to tell me how impressed he was with my organization knowledge.
I'm glad you are receiving such positive support from your supervisor though. The fact they aren't dismissing your concerns are very reassuring. I hope the dude did get the message from your friend that calling someone's room is invasive and he needs to refrain from doing that.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
That sounds really uncomfortable but I think you handled it well. He knows it was inappropriate and your boss knows what happened and in your shoes I probably would not go any further with it at this point. I am no sure if that is right but just what I would do given the circumstances.
I am just glad all he did was call and he didn't instead think it would be a good idea to stop by your room. Hopefully you don't have to see creepy man for a long time if ever again.
This is how I read it, too.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
Book Review Blog
If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
No, I don't find it all that icky. It's inappropriate, but as passes go, this one ranks well below even the "Corner and make suggestive comments about what was meant by "let me know if I can offer any help!" in an email" incident. If I even registered it as hitting on me, I'd probably just laugh it off.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
I don't disagree with any of you, all I can tell you is how it made me feel in the moment. I don't like getting overtures from people I meet in professional settings. It happens (I'm not saying I get hit on all the time, but you know when a man is sniffing around). And yes, I do think my home situation is probably amplifying some of this for me.
Yeah I really don't see a huge issue.