September 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
** Beth **
I was reading up on your blog - I want to say how happy I am for you guys, and I have a question. A nosy question, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm just legit curious.
Since it's donor sperm, will Jon have to go through the adoption process once the baby is born for legality's sake?
I ask because my friends who also used donor sperm did... of course, they're a lesbian couple and wanted to make sure everything was as official as it could be, so the non-biological mother adopted their son, and will adopt their second baby as well once s/he arrives. But I wasn't sure what steps needed to be taken as a heterosexual couple when donor sperm is involved, if any.
Thanks! and *hugs*
Re: ** Beth **
Nosy questions are ok, no worries! And I don't think that's really that nosy!
That's a great f'ing question and I honestly had not thought about it even a little bit, so thank you!! I researched just briefly and it is my understanding that no, Jon would not need to adopt the child, he'll be on the child's birth certificate as the legal parent because the donor gives up all parental rights once they donate.
It seems to me that based on Massachusetts law if we're both consenting to use donor sperm (which we are and have signed lots of paperwork verifying this), then he is the legal father of the resulting child.
I don't know how that translates to a lesbian couple though..
Yeah, they're both on his birth certificate too, but if, say, they were traveling to a state that didn't even acknowledge same-sex marriage, they were afraid should something happen and the non-birth mother was the only one who was available to make decisions for their son, the birth certificate wouldn't hold up and there would be issues. So they went through the adoption process more out of necessity than anything, just to be safe. And yet another reason why not having gay marriage in ever state sucks.
updated 10.03.12
updated 10.03.12
Not that nosy! And an aspect that I really had not considered, so it was good to think about and learn about.
Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It's nice to have people around to bounce all this stuff off of because so much of it is brand new territory. Thanks for the offer! If you're ever in or near Waltham, drop me a line
)
Generally, when a woman is married and gets pregnant the husband is what is called the "presumptive" father and either a blood test or the signature on the donor sperm agreement is enough to prove paternity. The more you know.
Stand up for something you believe in.
Good to know, thanks!
Ok, I'm gong to be nosy as well...
Is your OB doing the IUIs or do you have to go to a RE for dIUI? If you are with a RE, where do you go? (no real reason for this question, just curious)
Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11
LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
We've been seeing an RE since September and her office is doing the IUI's. (I'm sorry, I probably should know this but what's a dIUI?).
I haven't been to my OB since my last regular appointment back in July.
Our RE is Dr Rachel Ashby at Partners Reproductive Medicine at Newton-Wellesley (which is roughly 13 minutes door-to-door from my house, so it's convenient) and she is wonderful. Except for a weird moment where she told Jon that it wasn't his fault an uncomfortable number of times, she's been amazing.
The "d" just stands for donor.
Do they have you taking clomid or injects? I only did clomid for my IUIs but did the injects for IVF (I don't even think they would just use clomid for IVF).
Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11
LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
Oh gotcha, well, they're all dIUI's then!
)
We're starting with non medicated IUI cycles. I'm tracking and when I get my first positive OPK, I'll go in the next morning for the IUI.
I actually have a cycle of Clomid in the medicine cabinet from before we knew about Jon's SA results, but no one has suggested I take it. From tracking, I know I O every cycle (even if the cycles are anywhere from 30-45 days long) so I think she just wants to see if we can get it done as naturally as possible before we move into meds.
When we thought they were going to find something during Jon's biopsy we were prepared for IVF and all the injections. I'm really in awe of people who go through IVF multiple times, that's a lot of needles!
That sounds like a great plan
Good luck !!!!
Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11
LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison