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So, I went to a baby shower...
...technically I guess this is more of a "friends" matter than a family one but it's still an odd situation all the same. So, as the title suggests I went to a baby shower recently for a friend of mine. After thinking about it on and off for weeks I decided that for gifts I would buy a few good sized things off of her registry and in addition I would hand make a couple of items, one of which would be a special baby blanket in her nursery's colors.
Needless to say I am still new to sewing, but after multiple trips to the fabric store to find just the right fabrics / appliqu? and then spending all night not to mention most of the next day cutting, pinning, pressing and sewing this blanket it was finally finished. It was beautiful! I was so proud of it that I showed it to everyone who would look at it (my husband, my in-laws, my parents, etc). I put so much time, effort and love into that blanket - I was like a little kid who'd made a macaroni necklace for her mother's day gift and was beaming with excitement to give such a special gift.
So, at the baby shower I gave my friend all of the gifts together - some of them store bought from the registry and then the couple I'd made myself (including the blanket). She was excited when she opened the registry items, but didn't even unfold the blanket when she pulled it out of the bag. She didn't look at it - not even once. I was... no, I am... heartbroken over this. The other hand made item was something small and wasn't that big of a deal but that blanket was something special and she didn't even acknowledge it.
At first I thought it might be because it was "handmade" but she had two other guests who had given handmade items (including a knit blanket that wasn't even half complete) and she "ooooh'd and ahhhh'd" over those so I don't think that was it. It's been a little while since the shower, but every time I sit down to sew something it makes me so sad. I'm having a really hard time with this and I'm afraid it might affect our friendship.
Has anyone else had this or something similar happen? In general I have a fairly "thick skin" but making this blanket meant a lot to me (and I made sure that it matched her nursery colors to a T, so I doubt that's it). I mean... babies surely can't have too many blankets right?
All thoughts are appreciated.
Re: So, I went to a baby shower...
That sucks. Whatever her reasons were, it was rude to not acknowledge a gift like that. My mom has started to sew and has made several baby blankets for people. Sometimes I cringe when I see them though. Her tastes in fabric (even if it's the right theme) aren't the best. I've come to realize that unless you really know the recipients tastes, you can go horribly wrong with a home made gift. Not everyone has the same tastes. Don't take it personally.
And as mom (20 month old) I can say that I definitely have too many blankets. Most are sitting in the closet. My son hates blankets in his bed. Won't use them. Never has like them. I hope the next kid does!
I'm rambling, but my point is that while your friend was totally rude, try hard to get over it. Remember not to make her anything hand made in the future. Save your talents for people closer to you, and those who appreciate that kind of gift.
You sure invested a lot into her reaction and praise, it's a shame she missed the moment. If you need a good deal of validattion when you invest so much time and love into a project, maybe it's best to give it in private when you both have a chance to focus on it. Maybe save something like that for the first baby visit or a welcome home gift. Clearly, the hub-bub of a shower was the wrong place to expect much attention or praise from such a personal, heart-felt gift.
Funny thing, my aunt made a quilt for my DD when she was born. I thanked her and gave her a lot of credit for doing it but DD didn't get much use from it as a newborn. Now that she's 4, I use it every day for naps and bedtime - its the perfect size and weight for her. Its been her favorite blanket for over a year. It was a slight miss as a newborn but it is a homerun as a preschooler. Maybe your timing is just off and your moment to shine will come.
I'm going to throw your friend a bone- showers are overwhelming and the MTB often feels really "on the spot" (i'm a trainer and am used to being up in front of people, and even I was really nervous at my shower!). Also, gifts that have many pieces can be difficult to navigate - are you really at the end of the gift, do you keep lokoing for more, or... what?
The other people's gifts - was the handmade item THE gift? So she was able to focus on just that one component?
There were gifts that didnt' register in my mind fully until later once I was home and able to look at the stuff more closely!
Have you gotten a thank you yet? Maybe in that she'll acknowledge it.
(And yes, actually, babies can have too many blankets! We got a TON of them and a couple barely got used, if at all. And once he was old enough to have an opinion, there are only 2 that we use anymore!).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And she for sure saw it?
That sucks, hopefully she mentions it better in the thank you card or something, it's rude but hopefully it was just because she was so overwhelmed with everything else that she didn't notice it sitting there.
Well crap now I am wondering if I didn't fully acknowledge all of my shower gifts. As PP said, it can be overwhelming to be put on the spot like in a showe rsituation and it is also so easy to be distracted. All it takes is one person asking you a question or saying something and before you know it, a gift can be overlooked. It happens, what can you do.
However as many blankets as I got and I received a ton, my DD's favorite blanket is a handmade one. She calls it " yellow blankie" and wants to take it with her everywhere. She wasn't always like that though. It was as if she woke up and decided that yellow blankie was her lovie. So please know that the blanket you made her might get some good use.
Maybe she didn't realize you made it.
LOL, I made my older niece the Vogue quilt with the closeline motif featuring tiny babyclothes on it. The tees gowns and socks were embroidered with the baby's name and statistics. It was gorgeous.
After my sister died, I found it in the rags when we cleaned out her apratment. It was all stained. My niece informs me she let the cat give birth on it several times. Like WTF?
I feel your pain.
Well maybe she was on shower 'overload' and saw the blanket but was overwhelmed and didn't think to say something quick enough?
Showers can be overwhelming - maybe she just wasn't thinking correctly? That is the only excuse I can possibly think of for her.
But hey - I am haivng a baby in three months and I would love a handmade baby blanket!! Colors for the nursery are blue. green and white. And I promise, I am fantastic at thanking people - and sending pictures of the kid using the gift later on.
She was rude not to aknowledge the blanket - but cut her some slack. She was pregnant and probably on overload for the day. I bet she loves the blanket and that the child will love the blanket as well.
I disagree. People went out of their way to attend the shower and bring a thoughtful gift. It's in poor form not to acknowledge every gift. Not even to unfold the blanket? That was rude in my opinion. Recipients ought to be gracious when people are showing them kindness. Maybe it looked so professional that the recipient assumed it was bought from a store instead of hand made.
I wish you took pictures of it so we could tell you we liked it, I love handmade stuff and I'm sure I would be gushing.
Sounds like it was a close friend if you went through all that trouble...if she doesn't come threw...maybe you can mention to her that is was the first blanket you made and if she doesn't like the colors or something then you would be happy to remake it...that might clue her in to her sitty reaction.
I do feel for you, AND the girl that made the "cat birth" blanket
Thanks all, for your input. To vjcjenn1's point, yes she is a good friend - in fact, she was in our wedding and is a mutual friend of mine and DH's. If she were anyone but a close friend I would have just bought a nice gift or two off of the registry, wrapped them, stuck a card on it and left it at that.
Perhaps that was it... in all of the chaos of the baby shower (I mean we're talking probably 30+ people) she just got side tracked or didn't realize what it was. Although she opened my/our gifts earlier on in the shower, she was opening gifts for 2+ hours (no joke). I understand that showers can be overwhelming, as my bridal shower was a bit overwhelming for me and it certainly wasn't as big as her baby shower.
To those who said that yes, babies can have too many blankets... after I thought about it, yes it is possible I suppose but she only got two at the shower as gifts that I saw (the one I made being one of them).
I have not yet receieved a thank you note which isn't surprising because the shower wasn't too long ago and I know she's got a lot going on. I guess I'd hoped to at least get a text message, a quick call or a facebook message saying that she got it? I'm sort of wondering if it just got tossed in another room somewhere in a pile with the other gifts.
I'm thinking in the future I probably won't do that - make a gift at all, I'll just buy something off of the registry and be done with it. To me, for a good friend that just seemed so... impersonal? All I had to do was go to the store with her registry list, pick something off the shelf, walk to the counter, give my credit card to the cashier, drive home and then wrap it. But, since it obviously wasn't well receieved perhaps it's best just to buy and give only what is asked for; in which case, I'll just leave making special gifts like that for the remote chance that DH and I have any children of our own.
Thanks again
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P.S. @ -auntie- Oh no! That's terrible. To not have a gift acknowledged is one thing but to have it used in that manner is quite another. I'm so sorry!
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Honestly, I think you're being a bit melodramtic here.
It's clear you are very proud and excited of the gift you made. There is nothing wrong with that, but you imagined a big, gushing reaction. You didn't get it. I'm not convinced it's her so much disliking the gift or being rude as some suggested. It just didn't match your expectations, which seem exagerated.
Don't read so much into it. The fact that she didn't text you about the gift after the shower means nothing.
Im w Susie. I think you're being a bit melodramatic. Now it's about her not texting or calling to say she got it? Um- you know she got it. You were there!!! I'm kind of thinking that there was A very specific reaction you wanted and anything else wouldn't have measured up.
And I don't even know if I got any blankets at my shower, but I still ended up w a ton of them. I appreciated all of them, but a couple never got used.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm kinda with the previous 2 posters. It seems that you set the bar for her reaction a touch high and if it wasn' t met, you would have been sad. That being said, I totally understand the time and effort it takes to make gifts - I crochet and often make blankets for people. I typically ask first because I know how much of an investment in time and energy it is for me to do that and if it isn't their thing, I don't want to waste my time or their storage space on something they're not going to enjoy.
Often times with handmade creations, beauty is in the eye of the beholder which you also have to keep in mind when creating gifts for other people without their input. Just because you think it is fabulous, doesn't mean that they'll find it such. It is entirely possible that it wasn't "her" and is a risk you take when you do something like that. While it sounds like she could have been more gracious in acknowledging your efforts, it seems like you're being quite overly sensitive too. 50/50 blame here in my humble opinion. Take it as a lesson learned I guess - if you're going to make something for someone without their knowledge you have to be OK with the notion that they may not like it as much as you do. Don't let it stop you from exploring your creative niche but maybe be sure next time that it is something that they'd want/need/use - or you could even bring them along to help you with ideas. Make a fun girls day of it.
Not for nothing, but this is what happens when you hand make something for other people.
YOU invest time, energy and emotions into a THING. The reciever is just getting a THING. A THING that they may or may not even like.
As long as she sends the appropriate thank you card and doesnt make disparaging comments about the gift to other people, she is totally and completely in the clear.
I am not knocking the thought behind the gift, but NO ONE can appropriately gush about a handmade gift...so we always feel let down. I am wondering if maybe you read WAY too much in her actions.
I think that with all of the gifts she opened from you, it might have been overwhelming. I WOULD NOT read into her reacting that she didn't like your quilt, or she didn't like it as much as the other handmade quilts. There is just so much you can gush over one person's gifts before you can move on.
I don't know if it makes you feel better or worse, I rarely used the blankets that people made / knit for DD when she was born - because I didn't want to mess them up and have them get dirty or stained! I didn't use them until DD was older and not so messy. But after I have given away the store bought blankets to goodwill, I cannot part with the ones that were made, and I think if the givers when I see them. My dd found one and uses it for her dollies.
I'm with glittergal. Let me tell you about a gift my coworker made for my work shower: it was a hand-knitted christening set including a dress, hat and booties.
What my coworker doesn't know is that we're atheists and we have no intention of having DD christened, ever. Well, that had no bearing on my reaction to the gift. I looked at it at length, verbally admired the beauty and quality of the handiwork, allowed people to take pictures and thanked her several times for for thoughtfulness and hard work. Why? Because my coworker is kind and busted her ass to make the set, and I was raised to appreciate any and all gifts, not just the ones I would personally prefer. The set is now in DD's dresser drawer and I'm keeping it.
I don't think you're overreacting at all. Your friend sounds like a selfish, spoiled brat who cares only about the gifts she prefers. Really, how hard would it have been to look at the blanket for a few seconds?
With all that said, try not to take this to heart; instead just realize your friend sucks.
If she opened it in the middle or end of the gift giving, she might have been overwhelmed. If she said something generic, like "Oh wow, this is nice!' She might have been on autopilot and just trying to open gifts. Granted, I don't have experience in regards to a baby shower, but during my bridal shower I felt like my smile was glued into place and I was just making appropriate happy noises. After being the center of attention for several hours, playing awkward (or just loud) games, sometimes it's easy to just want to get through it.
However, if she doesn't thank you for the gift in the thank you card specifically, I would be upset. Not acknowledging it in the moment is one thing. Not acknowledging it when you're purposefully thinking of what the person gave you is another.
I thought I should post an update on this since the tide has recently changed...
My friend sent me a message as she and her SO were going through their gifts and I think it was just then that it hit her (that I had made the blanket). She said how much she loves it and how she thinks the baby will too, etc.
I'm so very glad that she does actually like it and I really do think it must have been the hustle and bustle of the shower that overwhelmed her before.
Thanks for the kind words all - it's much appreciated.
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