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Dating and being choosy
I have been divorced a little over a year and separated a little over two. I have since dated only two guys and neither of the relationships turned out well. I don't know if it was all me or me, just in part... either way I am soooo sick of the dating scene already and I just want to give up!
A little background....When entering into a friendship/ relationship or whichever comes first, I have been honest with each guy making sure I do not leaving anything out or lead anyone on, so to speak... I inform them that I have been married before and at this point in my life i'm not looking for a casual/sexual relationship. Granted i am not saying all of this on the first date, but I do tend to let them know. Here in AR, there is a great shortage of men and the ones I meet tend to think, if they buy you a drink or take you to dinner, you owe them something, so i feel obligated to say, look I am happy to buy my own drinks and/or dinner, because I am not sleeping with you if that's what you think.
So, the two relationships i have entered i have been rather straightforward in saying at this point in my life, I'm not wasting my time with the men that are only seeking to take me out for drinks, have sex, go to clubs and make me one of their many women. The first guy was a man whore and loved to club, but didnt find that out until later. The second guy started out Really, Really good, but he's a cop so looking back in retrospect some of his actions were suspect.
I'm just at the point where i just want to call it quits with dating for awhile because it's like the men are few and far in between...
Have any of you single and newly divorced ladies experienced this? Thanks for letting me vent...
Re: Dating and being choosy
Not trying to be snarky, but why are you so rushed to get into a long term relationship? I think dating is meant to be fun and honestly, while I'm looking long term, I'm also not shutting the door on meeting new people and enjoying some casual dating (and I don't mean sex). I've had some really fun dates with people that would never be long term relationship material, but I had a lot of fun and really enjoyed meeitng them.
If you're feeling like taking a break from dating, maybe you should an re-evaluate what you're looking for and why, kwim?
All of this.
I know I've been guilty of being a serial monogamist in the past but, honestly, I never planned it that way. I never said to myself, "I am only going to date guys I see myself having a serious long-term future with" because, well, I think I would have missed out on being in a lot of those relationships because I don't think I saw any of them initially as being long-term partners - more as people I really enjoyed spending time with, and that grew into a long-term relationships.
I suspect we're coming at the dating world from different angles, but I am DEFINITELY not in it now to find new husband. I'm dating because I enjoy meeting new people, because having someone to go to the movies with is always fun, and because, well, sex is nice.
I'm not saying that I'm not interested in meeting someone who's long-term, but it's not my overriding factor. If it happens, it happens. ::shrug::
From what you've posted, it sounds to me like you aren't looking to date...you're looking to be married again. That's fine if that's what you want, but at least be honest with yourself and evaluate whether or not that's really what you want, and whether or not searching for a husband is really the best way to find one. Because, imo, searching specifically for a long-term partner can be one of the quickest ways NOT to find one. jmho...
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho