Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not sure...
I will try to keep this short. I have found these "flirty" texts on my DH's phone between him and this woman he works with last week. She sends him things like i find you attractive but I know you're married...he writes back about something else but doesn't comment on what she said. Not all the texts are flirty and when they are its coming from her. I have access to our phone/data usage online and saw that there were a ton of texts between the 2 of them today (but it doesn't tell me what the message said). I came home & looked at his phone & saw that he must have deleted these texts from today. I'm pissed and about ready to cry...do I confront him? I'm sure that he will deny it since there is "no proof" on his phone and tell me its my horomones (I'm 9 months pregnant). Am I making too much out of this? Should I let it go? I brought her up a little bit ago in a round about way and he jus said that he only sees her every now and then...I can tell they don't talk on the phone but I'm dying to know the content of the message...what would you do???
Re: Not sure...
How/when did you see the message about her finding him attractive? Does he know you saw that one?
If my H was texting with a woman who said that she found him attractive, I would confront him with it. If he's deleting the texts, its probably bad juju. I would start with the one about her being attracted to him and ask how often they text. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he tells you about all the texting today, ask to see them and just ask if you can see them in the future. It's ok to be insecure, everyone is now and then. He should be supportive of you and want to show you that nothing is going on. If he's willing to be open about everything, you should be ok with trusting him.
If he lies about the amount of texting, the sh*t needs to hit the fan. Lying isn't ok.
I'm interested to see what he says.
This. The fact that he deleted them feels like a big red flag. I second the fact that you should approach the situation from a position which gives him the opportunity to tell you about today's texts without you asking. If he was just cleaning out his phone, and nothing shady was going on, there will be no reason why he wouldn't bring them up.
I saw the message/text last week when she said that she thought he was attractive.No he doesn't know I saw it. I did not really confront him but questioned him about this girl and he just said they talk casually nothing really big. He doesn't talk to many people at work (which I know is true b/c I know people who work with him & they tell me how he keeps to himself) and this is one person that he has become somewhat friendly with.I think I may just confront him tonight about the fact that I got a message about our phone company and could see how many times this person text him. I'm 9 1/2 months pregnant and don't need this stress either way...whether I confront him or not...b/.c its eating me up inside.
you're two weeks overdue?
as far as your h - yes, ask him about the text messages. do it as calmly as possible and go from there. see what he says, how he reacts, etc.
if he's defensive or lies about the text, then obviously he's hiding something.
sorry you're going through this, especially with your pregnancy. which makes what he's doing even worse!
It seems to me like he feels like he's doing nothing wrong since he does not respond to her inappropriate comments when, in fact, he is by not putting a stop to those comments. The question is why. He enjoys the attention? He can't stand up for himself?
There is no reason why you should not be able to bring this up with him.
Another question is why were you snooping on his phone in the first place? Did you find what you thought you would?
Show him the door.
No decent married man chats up another woman in an inappropriate manner; this counts as chatting up and this sure is inappropriate.
He's got no business at all communicating with her at all.
He's on shaky ground work wise, als9o -- looks like this guy has never heard of sexual harassment. You know how funny employers are about that these days. Even if this is not a business mode of communication, he can quite possibly get into trouble with his employer if she gets pissed off at him and pulls the package on him.
That he's being secretive about these little chats is even more of a red flag.
I would not let this go and I would not tolerate this. I'd have him out the door too sweet.
I know it has been done on L&O:SVU, so it may or may not be available IRL. But I think as the main account on a phone contract, you can get the print outs of the text messages. I believe the phone company has everything. Not sure though, as I said, I saw it on SVU.
Deleting harmless texts with a female co-worker who has previously called you attractive does not seem like something a man who is 1000% committed to his wife would do.
The bottom line is that the amount (if not the content or both) is inappropriate when he is married with a baby on the way. He must know this otherwise he would not be deleting texts. He must also know that behavior like that could be grounds for sexual harassment. Hence, he's deleting text to cover his rear with you and his job.
He needs to come clean pronto.
Also, he needs to watch out. A good, single guy friend of mine had some lady at his work texting him inappropriate things. He told her to stop in person, but never responded to the texts. The cell phone was a company cell phone-- so one day the boss asks to see it. Turns out that this lady person had filed sexual harassment charges with the boss about HIM even though she was the one doing all the texting. It went to deliberation with his work fellows and both employees were terminated. The joke was on her (I think) because she was hoping to remove him as a rival with that stunt. The moral of the story is that the shyt can hit the fan for him personally and professionally.
Your husband is not the brightest crayon in the pack.
Exactly what I said: he could get himself into a nice pack of trouble with sexual harrassment.
Not the brightest crayon in the pack...those kind of crayons don't think with the head on their shoulders.
I?m usually a lurker here and there but this is a topic that hit close to home.
My sister was married to her high school sweetheart. She noticed him texting here and there more then usual and when she would ask who he was talking to it was always "nobody" or "a friend". Then he started deleting messages. She checked phone records and saw ALOT of texts to a number she didn?t know. She called the number (blocking her number from caller ID) she got the voicemail of a woman named Tara. She knew this was a woman her husband worked with. Her cell carrier couldn?t give her the transcripts of the text. So she waited one night for him to get off work. Held a blank stack of papers folded in her hand. Waved them at him when he got home and said "So you?ve been having allot of conversation with Tara, care to explain?" With no proof in hand, he spilled his guts.....
YOU need to get to the bottom of it.
My sister has been divorced 3 years now and is happier then ever!
Hope this helps
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