Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Mother-in-law rant
My MIL is constantly driving me crazy with these small things tgat just irk me and build up. For instance, any time I send her an email just between the two of us, she will CC my husband on her responses as if to make sure he is witnessing any communication between us. This past Saturday we received a package from her with two outfits for our 7 month old daughter. I immediately wrote a thank you note as I ALWAYS do for any gift anyone gives us and put it in the mailbox for the mailman to pick up Monday. On Monday she emailed to ask if I had gotten the package. I do not check my email everyday. But my husband who flew back home for business and had dinner with his mom on Wednesday told her we got it and thanked her. Today (Friday) I get another email asking about the package tgat she already knows we got and that my husband thanked her for I'm person. She did not CC him kn that email, I noticed. It's just frustrating because I feel like she wants me up mess up so she can complain to her friend's how rude I am as she's done before. I wish she'd give my letter time to get to her freakin mailbox; she knows I ALWAYS write a thank you every time. Geez.
Re: Mother-in-law rant
Tell your H that from now on he is in charge of sending TY notes to his mom (and the emails, too!). When she asks if you received a package, you can say "yes, didn't Husband send you a thank you note? I'll have to get on him about that?"
On a side note....are you sure you aren't looking at things to bug you? She could cc her H so that he is "in the loop" about communication. If it bugs you...don't send her any private emails! And she could be asking about the package b/c she is forgetful, not b/c she is trying to "trip you up." I don't know your MIL, so obviously I can't be sure.
Your MIL is an insecure woman who needs constant validation on how wonderful and giving she is.
Instead of being irritated, which you have every right to be because that sh?t is annoying, just (in your head) pat her on the head and say condecendingly "yes, dear" and roll your eyes.
Then he needs to call her on it. Otherwise you're right, she will keep doing it. And I agree with PP, stop sending her private emails. CC your H on everything.
I agree with this.
I 100% agree with this.
Why didn't you just type-off a quick email on Monday saying, "Yes, we love it. I wrote you a lovely note and dropped it in the mail." I get that you feel like she's documenting your actions, so why don't you do a better job of documenting back?
In the most generous sense, she's just excited and looking for feed-back and a little chatter on the gift. At its most sinister, she's trapping you into proof that you haven't thanked her enough. Either way, simply responding seems the smartest course of action.
As for the cc on the email, you can't control her, only your response. So, you can feel defensive or you can feel generous that you haven't smacked the witch.
Anyway, I don't think this has anything to do with some mailbox thank you - it has everything to do with unresolved feelings that she calls you rude to her friends behind your back. As long as you hold onto that, then every little possible slight is going to cut you very deeply.
I agree with the bolded. My H is in charge of TY cards for his family. I feel bad that his grandparents never got thanked for their Christmas present to us, but he's in charge of whatever kind of relationship he wants to have with them, not me. (Sorry, I got a little off topic.)
I think I got this handled...reply to her email cc'ing your husband and say "Husband, you told me you thanked her at dinner on Wednesday! MIL, I'm so sorry this got missed...we did receive it and a thank you note was mailed on Monday"
to which you husband should call her and say "Mom, I'm worried about you, you seem to forget conversations we have and I'm wondering if I can call you doctor about it" (she may actually be having problems with memory)
OR, next time, he needs to call her immediately and say "we just opened the gift thank you so much, we're sending a thank you note so you know how much we appreciate it"