I have been with DH for 13 years married 4, started dating when we were both 17. I have been unhappy in the marriage for a couple years. We put off having children until things got better. The main issue in our marriage is that we can't communicate about anything, he would rather just ignore problems until they go away rather than dealing. He is an angry man and has a hard time dealing with emotions.
I can't depend on him for help or support with issues in my life. His go to response when I want to talk about something is "I don't know". The lack of communication has caused a great distance in our relationship which just seems to grow larger by the day. He also has a very hard time showing love and affection even though I have told him several times what it is that I need to feel loved and appreciated. I feel very alone in this marriage. It doesnt seem like much of a partnership.
He refuses to help me with any household responsibilities so most of the time i feel like the maid and his mother. If I ask for help with anything he gets mad and accuses me of insinuating that he doesn't do anything around the house. Ithas come to the point that I just don't ask him for help anymore but I resent everything that I have to do for him because he would not do the same for me.
We are separated and now he wants to try to fix things. He thinks that I have just given up. I have put in a lot of work to make this marriage work and given him so many chances. I am emotionally checked out and don't think I have it in me to trust things will ever change.
I am in therapy for myself and just trying to figure out who I am without him.
Sorry for the long post. You all seem so wonderfully supportive and I need all the help I can get can get ![]()
Re: Intro
Welcome.
My story is similar to yours in the fact that I was already checked out of the marriage by the time H decided he really wanted to fix things. I also gave him too many chances, and he didn't understand how I just couldn't trust him anymore.
It makes your H feel better to believe that you have just given up, instead of taking responsibility for not being an attentive husband and loving partner in the first place. Don't fall for it, especially if you know that you are doing the right thing.
This is exactly what happened in my marriage, as well.
I tried everything I could, even suggesting therapy. He went to three sessions, and then refused to go to more. And at that point, I really did check out.
By the time he was ready to really work on things (almost a year later), I was done.
And ditto the bolded times a billion.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Exactly. It's his own fault for not listening to you and not respecting you enough to think that you meant what you said. Too little, too late.
You will be happy. It's only been two and a half months since I left, and I'm happier than I've ever been. Kudos to you for having the courage to decide when enough is enough.