Trouble in Paradise
smock.smock
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
TIP on S&R
This poster sounds like she needs advice, or really just some confirmation that her FI is a dovche:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64189224.aspx
Re: TIP on S&R
That's entirely too long for my ADD brain.
But, I have questions and I totally admit that I only read a few sentences:
was porn no-bueno for the entire relationship or she's just all "well, I don't like it anymore so, you can't either"
and
if she has no sex drive (which I assume came prior to the porn issue) and most likely isn't sleeping with her future husband and her future husband can't watch porn....what's he supposed to do? Go without any sexual release at all bc she has issues?
These are legit questions. Not snarky ones. They're probably answered in the 900 paragraph post that my brain refuses to read.
I think they should both part ways. She can find someone with no sex drive who won't watch porn and he can find someone that will have sex with him.
Glad to see that's she's focusing on the actual problems in her relationship.
She needs to not get married. To anyone.
And whaty is this jerk going to do if she's just not in the mood, is pregnant and can't have sex/won't have sex due to size or advanced pregnancy, she's ill or when passion waxes and wanes??? The frequency of sex also drops off over a period of time -- boy, is HE ever gonna be in a pickle, eh?
Suppose there's a medical reason where she can't have sex, period? What's he going to do?
He's way too immature to get married, not to mention he has a character issue: he made a promise and did NOT uphold it. It also shows that he doesn't care what his FI thinks and he sure isn't putting her first.
Well my husband and I are actually dealing with this issue. I have no drive his is, ahem. Healthy. We discuss alternatives and ways to make sure the other is happy. I was unable, physically to have sex for over a year. So it's not like I have no basis. My husband and I discussed it and came to a mutually agreeable decision.
Im not taking "his" side perhaps he is just a big fat jerk But one person cannot unilaterally make decisions about sex. It's not fair to either side. Especially if those decisions create new rules. This is why I asked if porn was a known "no no" or she just decided "hey, I know I never took a stance in three years but I've decided porn is bad"
There seems to be a lack of healthy communication.
And I also didn't read the op bc it was long and whiny.
And, to be fair, she's not putting anyone first but herself. Ok. She has sex issues. Fine. Does she want to fix them? Does she care? Sex is important to a lot of people. If she's just "I have no drive, too f?cking bad" that's not fair. I never once heard her give a reason for the no drive or a solution to it other than nobody can have any sexual pleasure.
Who the hell would want to be married to that.
Id laugh if my husband told me I couldnt pleasure myself.
I think that the OPs H needs to agree to just a few porn DVDs or something so there is no "Internet searching for women" which I agree, is not good.
Nobody in that post is mature enough for a relationship if they can't discuss sex.
Sex issues and she doesn't sit down and try to figure out what's goiing on? It could be a question of her health -- issues like thyroid problems have a funny way of just sneaking up on you.
And he and she never sat down and discussed what is THEIR problem -- it is not just only hers.
There's also a nice communication problem; mabye the OP came from a home where sex wasn't discussed openly but still: there's a problem and you don't address it.
And he needs to do a search to get further info on these hawt pawn stars.
She should have gotten rid of him posthaste months ago.
eh, I agree and disagree. If there are issues and people are willing to work on them to achieve a resolution, then I think it's fine to get married after the resolution.
If you're just going to b!tch and moan, well, then don't waste your time and money. Don't get married.
As a long shot, maybe she simply is not attracted to him sexually, if her sex drive is zero. In that case, she needs to cut her losses and go, just based on that
If she was never into sex at all and her sex drive has been zero(and was always that way) even before she met this clod, could be she is asexual or into women and she won't admit that or come to terms with it.
dupe
dupe whoops
Don't worry ladies they spoke for 5 min. and everything is wonerful. They LOOOVVVEEE each other and he has seen the light,
Yes, because a porn addiction from a guy with control issues and a woman with a vagina of ice is an easy fix.
Shit, even problems on Full House took a good 30 minutes to solve.
Seen the light?
Every light on Broadway and in Times Square wouldn't do it.