Family Matters
JNL$LSM
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL Rants (No This Is Not One)
Is it me, but are most of these MIL rants, really should DH rants. I mean I would not ever let my Mom or Dad talk crazy to my DH, because he has never done anything to deserve that. He would not allow his parents to talk crazy to me. Of course, we disagree MIL, FIL, my Mom, and Dad, but we still respect each other and have our boundaries. I would lying if said we never had a disagreement, however, I handle my family and he handles his.
Re: MIL Rants (No This Is Not One)
To a point, I agree with you. I think many women just don't want to admit that their perfect DH isn't perfect.
But also, I really do think a lot of MIL problems are made out to be much more than they really are too. I think women can be territorial (he's MY DH now, back off). And I also think too many people almost expect there to be problems so they almost look for problems that w/ anyone else in their life, they'd never think twice about.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Also, PP kind of touched on this, but I think a lot of problems with ILs are really just a sucky interpersonal relationship issue, as in there is a two person problem here, not just a horrible MIL problem. A lot of people really minimize or dont admit how much they feed into problems and/or cause the problems themselves.
I changed my name
I was going to post the same thing.
I think 95% of the "I have a MIL problem!!" should be "I have a DH Who Is Still On The Tit, But Please Help Me Figure Out A Way to Shift the Blame From Him To His Mother And Don't Flame Me For It!!"
Also, I think a lot of people are very different and communicate in different ways. Rather than trying to understand it (accept it) and work with it, people see different communication/actions as wrong or bad behavior when it probably isn't.
Not everyone is the same and not everyone shared the same traditions/life that you did growing up or within your own family. That doesn't mean they are wrong, but a lot of people seem to get caught up in not understanding the differences.
I think incompatible family dynamics are the root cause of many of these problems. Not saying that everyone has to have the same family situation as you, but if you can't deal with a particular family dynamic then you shouldn't marry into it. Like I'm sure the women whose H is still tied to the apron strings knew that about him before they got married. If you aren't ok with that dynamic, then you shouldn't marry him.
That said, that doesn't excuse the rudeness of some of these ILs I see on here, and it doesn't excuse the Hs not standing up for their wives either. And once it has happened before, the wife starts to expect it and probably isn't the nicest towards the ILs, and then the cycle starts. It is really just a giant shitstorm waiting to happen.
I don't think this is directed only at you. I'm sure I'm just as guilty.
Me: 29 DH: 36
November 2008 Dx FvL by Hematologist
February 2013 Dx PCOS, MTHFR, and PAI-1 by ObGYN
May 2013 TTC begins!
I was not saying it to anyone, I was just speaking of it in general because we see it all the time. MIL did this or that, I was speaking in general. Of course I do not know everyone's situation or personal lives. However, I do know one of the first questions asked is where is DH in all this.
I was in no way trying to judge anyone I was just speaking in general. Like I said in my OP, we all have at one time had issues with our MIL, even me. However, when I my DH put his foot down those issues ceased, it was clear I was not GOING anywhere and DH was not either.
Last thing, I honestly think there are signs given prior to getting married and we are so in love that we ignore a lot of them, however, some of them should not be ingnored.
I agree because there are so many times when people do not go on a second a date, it has to be some type of flags that go off.
I completely agree with all of this. It definitely is often about family dynamics, and some people just do not accept that. However, some of these MILs (or DHs that don't stand up to them) be crazy, yo!