Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Has anyone tried couples counseling?
I am seeking some advice here, sorry I have never posted here before. My husband have been together for 9 years only married for a short time. The issue we are having is with he and my 7 year old daughter. They are not communicating at all and is really putting a wedge between us all. I feel like the middle man and can truly see both sides and understand both sides. He tends to run away from these issues and I am thinking that maybe couples couseling will help me get a better understanding of this and help him cope in a more effective way. Eventually turning this into family counseling. please give me any thoughts and/or advice. I married my best friend and don't want what we have to end.
Re: Has anyone tried couples counseling?
If you get a good counselor - it isn't going to hurt. And what do you have to loose?
BTW (and maybe this is me) how much does a 7 year old "communicate"? Kids tend to be selfish and demanding (and I mean that in the kindest way). She is SEVEN, he is an adult. I think the communication is 90% adult, 10% seven year old (just my take).
As a kid of divorced parents (who both re-married), my personal opinion is that re-marriage is as hard or hard on a kid than the divorce (and I had nice step-parents). The hard part is that as a kid, you want to be the #1 priority in your parent's life. As a spouse (especially a new spouse) you want to be #1 in your spouse's life. There is only room for one #1, so there is a struggle over attention/power in the relationship/family dynamic. I don't know how you fix this. To me, it is one of the reasons divorce/remarriage is so hard on kids.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Is she his daughter or just yours? Your post says you've been together for 9 years & she's only 7, but it sounds like he's the step parent.
Regardless, do you think he is good to her? I agree with the PP that at that age it's mostly on him. My son is 6 and it's not like we have deep conversations- we talk about school, his friends, what we're doing, food and SpongeBob. Kids that age are not complicated.
How much contact did your H have with the youngster before you were married?
I am also guessing that he's never been a dad or has had extended contact with a youngster. Parenting classes will help immensely.
So will things they can do together:
He has to have a hobby or something he is good at; perhaps he can find an age appropriate way to introduce the kiddo to his hobby or interest.
Reading to her will help.:) Its fun, inexpensive (free,actually) and it will also help with her reading skills.:)
Cooking! They could make easy dishes -- French toast, pancakes, etc.
Helping her with homework will help, also.
If she's involved in after school programs, he can volunteer. Coaching a team she is on is another suggestion.
Yr new number showed up after I posted.:)
See my reply in the new thread.
That makes a lot more sense. 17 is a tough age under any circumstance.
What are the problems they're having?