Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
20 days to get a divorce?!?
Yep, it took my sister 20 days to get a divorce. I just found out that she filed and will be divorced by Tuesday of next week! TWO days before our divorce will be finalized. It takes 6 months in California for us.
20 days? I kind of wished it was longer for my sister's sake. She wanted the divorce and nothing will change that, I get that. But, knowing her, she will jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to heal for herself.
Gosh.... 20 days would not be enough time for me to build enough confidence to announce a divorce without breaking down.
Re: 20 days to get a divorce?!?
Ditto this.
I was actually having a conversation with a friend the other day in re: the differences between breaking up with a long-term nonmarried partner, and a spouse, and the biggest one I could think of was really the fact that everything is REQUIRED to be so much more drawn out with a divorce because of all of the legalities involved.
My stbxh and I have been "together" for almost seven years at this point. Had we broken up when we legally separated (last June), it would have been just as hard emotionally at first, but we wouldn't have had this stupidly long drawn out process waiting for the court system to declare us legally divorced. We're about to hit our three year wedding anniversary in one week, and I keep thinking it would have been a hell of a lot easier if we could have been done and divorced before that happened.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Unfortunately, if your sister is that type of person, the length of time that it takes her divorce to finalize will not change that.
Ditto this.
I was actually having a conversation with a friend the other day in re: the differences between breaking up with a long-term nonmarried partner, and a spouse, and the biggest one I could think of was really the fact that everything is REQUIRED to be so much more drawn out with a divorce because of all of the legalities involved.
My stbxh and I have been "together" for almost seven years at this point. Had we broken up when we legally separated (last June), it would have been just as hard emotionally at first, but we wouldn't have had this stupidly long drawn out process waiting for the court system to declare us legally divorced. We're about to hit our three year wedding anniversary in one week, and I keep thinking it would have been a hell of a lot easier if we could have been done and divorced before that happened.
Interesting... I do think the court system in California could be much more efficient and not so long drawn out. I think I was in shock of the 20 days because it was much significantly shorter than 6 months when I was comparing us to my sister. My sister has 2 kids.
I know everyone is different and every relationship ended at a different time in ever scenarios. For me personally, 6 months seemed to long in the beginning of the divorce process but that 6 months "forced" me to grieved in all areas in which I otherwise would not go through if I didn't have to. I feel really good at this stage because I have no anger, frustration, grudges, or any bad feelings towards my stbxh.
I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, for people who have absolutely no doubt, it helps to have the process move as quickly as possible. There are, however, plenty of people out there who NEED that 6 month (or 1 year, in my state) waiting period because they waffle back and forth. Divorce is too serious to just be able to just decide one day and have it all said and done 3 weeks later.
In my case, though, there was no doubt. He was done, I was done with his BS, and we were already living apart due to his job. If we could have just done it right then, I would have been all for it! I am a little jealous, sitting here 6 months into my separation, with 6 more months to go!
I thought 6 months was long, I feel for you.
Wow, that is quick. I think here it is 6 months minimum without child, 1 year with.
I don't think the divorce taking longer to finalize would stop your sister from jumping into another relationship too quickly.
Wisconsin has a 120 day waiting period (from filing to finalization).
I can see both sides. It would have been really nice to have it done and over with and not hanging out in that odd "I'm still married but I'm not really married" limbo since we were very obviously done. But on the other hand, I think 120 days isn't a very long time if you're really trying to sort things out, you know?
20 days?? Wow.
For me, we separated back in October. I retained a lawyer in Dec. He was served with the papers in Feb and we will probably be final next month. Luckily we are agreeing on pretty much everything so the process is not taking as long as it could.
DD2 11.17.08
from the time i filed my paperwork it was 10 days until mine was final, darn weekends. i couldn't wait to get out. overall from the time i told him until the finalization is was less than a month. would have been less but i was on travel for a week for work so i couldn't do the paperwork (i did it myself)
for some people there is nothing wrong with jumping into a new relationship. i had no need to heal myself, i was on cloud 9 and had never been happier. i had learned a lot through the marriage about myself and grew as a person and took those lessons learned, but i was ready for the relationship i got into and it's completely 180 degrees different from my previous one. i met the right guy at the right time and i wouldn't give him up for the world.
We agreed to a 3-month trial separation, and then it took a few months to get the separation paperwork done (language barrier). Then we had to submit copies of our residence visas, and the separation was finally processed late October. So the 1-year timer didn't even start until we'd been separated 6 months!
And this is all uncontested with no kids. 20 days is sounding awfully good right now.