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I am the grinch who stole coolness
Well at least according to my daughter. LOL
A couple months back she mentioned her mom was taking her and my 10 yr old daughter to see Breaking Dawn. Someone had told me the movie was filled with sex scenes and the main character gets pregnant. I told her I didnt approve of her seeing the movie and she looked at me like I was from another planet.
She was also the last of her friends to get her own cell phone.
For the last few months she has been asking me if she can sign up for her own Facebook account. My ex (surprisingly) and I have both said too soon for her. She is in 6th grade, just turned 12. She is a straight A student and keeps herself busy with band and athletics. She is a great kid, so I trust her. But as well all know there isnt a shortage of losers and sick people in society, those are the people I am worried about. She hasnt made a big deal of it when I say no but sometimes I think I go a bit over the top when protecting my kids.
Do you think there is an appropriate age for a kid to sign up for FB or do you think the maturity level of the kid is a bigger factor? I will trust my own judgement when it comes to my children, but just curious what the SO board has to say.
Re: I am the grinch who stole coolness
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
FWIW, I think you're completely right in saying Breaking Dawn is completely inappropriate for a 12 and 10 y/o to see. The sex scene (there's only 1) is short, but it's powerful. IMO, the birthing scene is far worse than the sex scene.
Anyway -- I think it's definitely a maturity thing for FB. Our neighbor's daughter is in 7th grade and has no business being on FB, only because of her maturity level. I can't say what I'd do if I was in your position, only because I'm not there yet. I agree that it's not always OUR kids that are the problem...it's all the other weirdos out there.
My great-niece is 10 and has a FB account. My niece and her husband (great- niece's step dad) set it up for her. They put her as a 90 year old man and they have full control over everything on her FB page. Her only "friends" are the family and very close family friends...
Anyway, that's the only experience I have with a similar situation as yours'
Good Luck with your decision.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I say 14/15 is a good age to let them start using social media sites. The movie I can see a point but at 12 I'm sure she's had the family life classes and knows what is going without having to act on it. I think if you raise them knowing right from wrong then all you can do it trust their judgement.
My dad made me promise him two things that I would wait until I was 18 before having sex and my first time would not be in the back of someone's car. I kept both promises but I was raised well.
This might make for useful reading:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danah-boyd/tweens-on-facebook_b_1068793.html
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
The maturity level plays a very big factor over age for me. While social media is a great way to connect with people, it can also be a very damaging. I still got long ways to go before DS start using social media but I would emphasize on education what kind of information can be posted on Facebook and the like. Safety is important as to not providing locations and contact information as well as not saying harmful messages towards others and not airing personal dirty laundry either.
I wouldn't want any children with low self-esteem to be using social media until they are confident with themselves. We have no control over other people's comment nor can we take what they say personally.
I am against FB until a child is 16-18. I know I am also a grinch, but my X used FB to communicate with young girls. So I know for sure there are creepers on there.
*FB was really great about removing his page ASAP when he was arrested, so props to them. The problem is those without a record can creep freely.
FWIW, my nieces and nephews have FB pages. The agreement is that my sister has the password to the account, controls the settings and has to be friends with them to monitor the activity.
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I agree with PIP on Breaking Dawn. I think a kid should have to be 13-14 to see it.
As for FB, I agree it's a maturity thing, but a kid should be at least 13-14 to use it. They should also have the appropriate privacy settings in place to limit what others can see in their profile.
My ex says that I am more protective of my daughters than I am my son. Damn right I am and it is not by accident!!
*raised eyebrows*
Can you explain why and how you're more protective of your daughters? I don't want to jump to possibly untrue conclusions.
Why not be protective of boys too? We should teach both boys and girls to be respectful and practice safety. If we are so worried about boys not treating girls right, then we have to educate them.
My DD is 12 (7th grade) and is a good kid. I refuse to let her have a FB and I am not budging on this! There is so much cruelty on social media and I have no interest in subjecting her to that. She thinks I suck and I'm a horrible mom, but it's not about being the cool parent, it's about protecting them the best you can.
She does have an email and I have full access to it and every time she gets and email, I get a copy of it in my email so I can monitor this. She knows that if I find anything questionable, it's gone. She's got a talk/text only cell phone (I pay $15 a month for) but only because she's a latchkey kid and I want to make sure she's able to call me every day after school. (She's locked herself out before and needed to call someone to help).
And just to make sure you guys know I'm the worst mom ever, we have one computer with internet access and it's always used (by her) in a public location (living room, dining room, etc). Yup, sign me up for the worst mom of the year award!
I do get that she will eventually be exposed to this stuff, but if I can prevent her from some of now, when she's too immature to fully understand her actions have consequences, I'm going to. I should probably add, she's almost a full year younger than most of her friends.
Kuus, right after I posted this response I KNEW you would comment on it!! Having said that it is a good question.
I will take precautions with all my kids, but I tend to think females are targeted more by sickos than males. My son is the baby of the family and I believe my girls are at more impressionable ages than he is. So right or wrong I do worry about them more than him...for now. Once he is older and starting school/doing more social activities I will go overboard on protecting him as well.
I am protective of him, not just to the lengths I am as my girls. They are older and out in society much more than he is because they are in school, sports, etc.
Ah. I don't know whether or not that's statistically true, but anecdotally it does seem to be the case.
I dont either, I am making some assumptions here.
Maybe this is a better way to explain it:
My girls have more exposure to other peeps outside of their family than my son does. Obv that will change once he starts school and becomes more involved in extracurricular activities.
I mostly lurk but I'm butting in here because I work with victims of child abuse and I can tell you that the national statistics are that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18. So yes, jm is technically right, but that isn't to say that boys are not targeted.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
When I was 14, the summer between 8th and 9th grade, I was chatting on AOL with a guy who was 18 (about to start college). I asked him to send me a "sexy" email, and he did. It was a complete graphic description of what he wanted to do with me. My parents somehow found it and oh boy was I in trouble. Now this guy was harmless and I ended up dating him for like 18 months (after my parents forbid me blah blah blah I was a horrible child I put my parents through hell). My parents actually really liked him in the end. But holy cow the things I did when I was that age. And to me FB is now what AOL was then. Plus not everyone is as nice as my ex.
I think maturity plays a HUGE factor in it, and I think steps can be taken to help protect younger teens like parents having passwords, checking regularly what child is posting on fb who they are contacting, etc. I do think 12 is too young for fb. I think as a parent you know when your child is ready for those responsibilities and that as long as you educate them about the dangers and safe use and what not.