Trouble in Paradise
ReturnOfKuus
member
Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Something I've noticed about first loves...
...is that when a Nestie is over hers, she describes him as her ex-boyfriend from *insert time period of her life here* who was her first love. When she still has lingering feelings, she calls him her first love and then mentions something about not being with him any more, all nostalgic-like. As with math, order of operations is everything.
This comes to you inspired by the "conflicted" post on RE.
Re: Something I've noticed about first loves...
I agree with that.
TBH, I don't know if I've ever used the term "first love". I'd have a hard time narrowing that down. Teenage love is fickle love.
My "first love" was a trainwreck and a totally unhealthy relationship. I look back and think OMG I'm in such a better place now, wtf was I thinking hanging on to that for so long.
I can narrow mine to two. J was the first and it was an angsty, over-wrought kind of affair and A was the more traditional bf/gf kind of thing. I'm not nostalgic for either one of them, but I can get those misty watercolor memories about who I was at the time. So young. So dumb. So not above egging a car.
I haven't used the term First Love about one of mine either, but I was just thinking. I can look at all the guys that I may have thought I was in love with and only one of them can I say I truly loved him and treated him as someone that I loved. So IDK what you'd call him...my Only Other Love? But the love I felt for him seems paltry in comparison to how I feel about DH. Interesting.
Anyway, all introspective musing aside, I agree with what you're saying Kuus.
I always just refer to him as my horrible ex-BF. Probably not fair since we were both equally unhealthy and ridiculous, but years later we tried to be "Friends" and he was still a complete jerk.
yeah, she's so not over him.
eta: my first bf was my first love. we were together from 16-21. he wasn't a bad guy, but the relationship was so immature and i'm glad we didn't end up together. i don't look back and think about how i miss him, it's more me looking back at how young, dumb and naive i was.
This is pretty much my experience of it, too. It'd probably suck not to feel that any of the loves after one that has ended have been as big and spangly.
My "first love" is my ex-fiance (we dated for 4 years through high school and some college). I have never referred to him as a first love.
I am glad I am not with him anymore. I am actually friends with his fiancee and we chat from time to time so I know he has not changed that much from when I was with him.
Click me, click me!
No, I get that. It took me, oh, eight years or so to get enough distance to feel that yes, it was love I felt, even if looking back I shouldn't have.
Click me, click me!
Me too. Only I was almost his fiance and we dated in college only.
And I hope that he never proposes to his gf. She deserves better. He's an azz.
This is very similar to my experience as well. My high school sweetheart was my first love and, if I look at it now, he was the only one I truly loved before Mr. Bang. I had plenty of dysfunction and unhealthy emotional attachment and infatuation, but not a true, genuine grown-up love.
But I don't refer to him as my first love, I just use his first name if I talk about him. I was friends with him and his sister in HS before he and I dated, and am still friends w/the family including his wife. They had a baby a few months ago so their names have come up in conversation, and Mr. Bang has seen pictures of them and their new daughter, etc.
That's pretty funny. Hair gel is for posers. Real men use Elmer's glue. Ha ha ha!
I don't think I've ever used the term 'first love'. It seems so dramatic and Twilight-like.
Honestly, I don't know if I'd ever truly been in love prior to FI. I've really liked a few guys, but I don't think that what I felt was love. At least not TRUE love (LOL...I feel like I should put my hands over my heart, look up into the sky and deeply sigh).