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Since when is it ok to dress like a slob at a funeral?
My Grandmother died recently and Wed. was her wake and Thur. was her funeral. For the wake, every one was dressed like they were at a wake. It was very respectful. The funeral on the other hand was a different story. Now, every one there knew my Grandmother and knew she would be having a fit if you didn't wear dark colors to an occasion like this. One of the pal bearers was wearing a light colored polo shirt while the other pal bearers were wearing suits. WTH? Maybe I'm touchy cause this is my family member, but seriously? A polo shirt? I flat out asked if there was a reason to this, like maybe he spilled something on his shirt. No, he felt like wearing this item. Um, ok!
Besides that guy, I noticed 3 cousins who were dressed like they were going to the mall! White shirts, dark jeans, you name it. It looked like they rolled out of bed. I know they have other things to wear, and that's what they chose. Maybe I'm old school, but I was taught to look nice and respectful at a wake, funeral, and a job interview. I was just mortified, and I'm much younger than these people, they should know better! Ok, I'm done...
Re: Since when is it ok to dress like a slob at a funeral?
First, I'm sorry for your loss.
On the jeans, I hear you. I've been to a viewing before where people showed up in jeans, and that honestly made me do a double take.
For a wake/viewing, though, if people don't wear their Sunday best, I'm not going to really give it much thought as long as they are in something other than jeans. Any attempt to look nice, even if not in a full suit, I can roll with.
The color part - your grandmother subscribed to dark colors, but clearly not everyone does. I do tend to go dark when it's related to a funeral. But at the same time, I don't see this as a horrible breach of etiquette.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
i notice a lot of occassions where it seems people have forgotten how to dress appropriately.
but i agree with ECB-while your grandmother felt one way other people feel otherwise.
did you really ask someone why they wore the polo? really?! i think their lack of respectful dressing is just as bad as your lack of tact.
I've seen slobbery at funerals, too. It seems to be the new thing.:(
Maybe the guy didn't own a suit. Maybe a white polo was the nicest thing he had in his closet. Maybe he was too busy grieving to worry about impressing everyone else with his clothing choice that day.
I myself have always been too involved with grieving to give half a crap what anyone at the funeral was wearing. Glad you could see clearly enough through your own tears to act as fashion police though.
Exactly. What matters is the guy showed up. Jesus.
I agree.
All the funerals I have ever been to have actually been very casual. Personally I dont usually worry about the color of my shirt or anyone elses. As long as we are there that is all that matters.
Your grandmother passed away and THIS is what bothers you????? Guess you didn't like her much since you were busy being the fashion police vs. mourning.
I'm really sorry for the loss of your Grandmother.
The most important thing was for people who loved your Grandma to come together. Funerals are hard enough, there is no reason to make it harder by judging people for their attire.
It would have been nice if they dressed up a little nicer but the fact that they didn't isn't worth getting bent out of shape over. It was really rude to ask the pall bearer why he was wearing a polo shirt. He doesn't have to justify his clothing choices to you.
Thank you. It was making me crazy. Pal bearer sounds like someone who gets you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
I'm old school, but so long as people make the effort to do their best, rather than mine, I try not to judge.
I wear a black suit to funerals, period, and dark colors to a wake.
That being said, people wear what they want, inappropriate probably, but their wardrobes do not reflect on me unless it's my job to dress that person.
I agree with this.
I was always taught to dress nicely for funerals and whatnot, however, I will say that DH did not own a suit until our wedding (when Men's Warehouse offered a free $450-value suit with 5 tux rentals). His family couldn't afford one for him and never saw that he would have a reason to wear one.
DH did not wear a suit jacket when he was a pall bearer...but it was 108 degrees, so...
I went to a funeral where half the attendees were dressed like they were going to the club, so that was interesting.
I personally always dress up when going to a church, but at any given occassion, 10-50% of the other attendees tend to have other opinions.
When my great-grandmother (Whom I was very close with) passed away a year ago, I couldn't tell you what anybody was wearing to anything, because I was too busy being devastated.
The only time I "turned the grief off" was when my crazy *** aunt decided to turn the viewing into her personal terrible poetry session (Which Gram would have hated if she were alive to witness it). During that time, I still wasn't paying attention to what anyone was wearing because I was too busy doing everything in my power to not stand up and stab her.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Sorry for your loss.
A great number of my family members showed up in jeans for my aunt's funeral. Many others came directly from work in whatever they had on and no one cared, seriously. A lot of the people there are not well off financially and just didn't have the means to buy anything that would be generally considered "appropriate" for a funeral.
A bunch of people showed up at my wedding in jeans, and I honestly didn't even care. I guess things like that just don't bother me.
I think the general population knows that there is a certain way to dress at weddings and funerals and I noticed some people in my wedding pictures were dressed like they were going to a bar/club and we had a night/church wedding in November!
I do not see why people who go to a funeral (I was just at one last week where I live in FLORIDA (casual) and people were dressed in nice pants/shirts and suits. I don;t think I saw one person in jeans. Show some respect and spend more than 5 minutes getting dressed. Not that everyone has to wear a suit, (pal bearers do), but c'mon. I get that people are "at least there" but wear pants and a polo. It's the least people cando to celebrate someone's life. same with a wedding. Unless the couple SPECIFICALLY says to wear jeans/shorts/all bright neon pink than don't.
I am the same way when it comes to dressing up. SIL's bf showed up to a wedding in jeans, street shoes, a Harley shirt with a half naked woman on it. I on the otherhand was in a little black dress because that is how I grew up... you dress up and look appropriate. The same guy showed up to an AUNTS funeral is a RATTY and i mean holes and stains shirt, holey jeans and huge nasty sweatshirt because "he wasn't feeling good"... If you arent feeling good, stay home and if you cant at least dress in nice dark jeans, nice shoes and a nice top (polo) you also need to stay home. Or sweatpants to a sunday church service... not appropriate.
As for the pall bearer in a polo, maybe that was all he had and at least he dress up in a polo. I try not to judge people by what they wear but at least look presentable, no shirts with naked women on it and no ratty clothes. at the very least, dark jeans, polo or button down...